Basically, we want a partner.
___
I’ve been a single mom for eight long years. But not always single. I mean, I had boyfriends and flings and hot dates — but nothing too substantial.
For context, dating isn’t a picnic for me because I’m a solo single mom. My son’s dad doesn’t help so I’m on 24/7, and then there was a run with cancer that left me out of commission. Excuses, excuses — I know!
I love, love, love being a mom, but I know I want to settle down. Finding the time and a sitter is a balancing act between full-time work, my son’s social and sports schedule, and every other XYZ. Sometimes waving the white flag is easier, but not as satisfying.
So this got me thinking about what I (and I think it’s fair to say other single moms) do want in a man after all these years.
Behold …
1. We want you to have a golden retriever’s personality.
This means you greet us, hug us, kiss us, cuddle us, and lay quietly next to us just chilling. You are always happy to see us and do as we say. You’re our exercise buddy, play pal and always, er, sleep with us.
2. We want you to cook us things.
Look, we are short-order cooks. Our kid wants grilled cheese so we make it, but by the time we put the grilled cheese in front of our kid — cut in squares, not triangles — all hell breaks lose (damn those squares!), and they now want dinosaur chicken nuggets and canned corn.
Make us a steak. Mix us a martini. You have us at …. prepared, homemade food.
3. We want you to like our kids.
Remember how Jerry Maguire ate Apple Jacks with Dorothy’s boy Ray after they got it on? Yes. Do that. Do cute, low key things that don’t override us single moms. We’re in charge, and we want you to gradually get to know our awesome kids.
4. We want to go on real chivalrous dates.
Look, we go to Chuck E. Cheese, glow-in-the-dark mini golf, and the zoo ALL THE TIME. We are soccer moms. Take us somewhere where there’s a cheese plate for dessert and a wine list. We want to wear sexy underwear and heels. WE WANT TO GET A BLOW OUT.
5. We don’t want to party at da club and sit at the coveted bottle service table.
Why? We did that in our 20s and it was dope. Now we are moms with kids and jobs. We don’t do hungover. (See #4. wine and cheese, please.)
6. We want you to look like Bradley Cooper.
And be funny like Amy Schumer, dance like Channing Tatum (or his wife, Jenna for that matter), and pull some Christian Grey antics in the bedroom that are more lovey and less abusive. Is that too much to ask? Fine, we’ll just settle for Coops.
7. Major: We want a smart guy, too.
Smart like Steve Jobs, because smart is sexy.
8. But rugged and woodsy-gasoline-grass smelling.
That is very hot.
9. We are smart independent women and you don’t have to fix things for us or paint.
But if you’re good with your hands, yesssssssssss, I mean you can help.
10. Not to be wishy-washy, but we really want a guy to have pillow talk with.
To bounce ideas off of, or to call during a meltdown.
Basically, we want … a partner.
___
This article originally appeared on Babble. More like this on Babble:
Photo credit: Getty Images
I’m currently dating a single mum of 3 great littlens, and she works her butt off taking care on them, i have the greatest respect for what she does,if you try to treat her like a woman should, when a guy like me comes along, Sadly being reliable is a bad thing, wanting to see her or interact with the children is being intrusive, can’t go on dates very often as the father of the children throws a spanner in the works, and then is allowed to play happy families around others then muggins is put on the back burner… Read more »
Loooove it
This post can be summed us as follows:
“What A Single Mom Wants…”
“1. We want…”
“2. We want…”
“3. We want…”
“4. We want…”
“5. We don’t want…”
“6. We want…”
“7. We want…”
8. —-
“9. We are…”
“10. But what we really want…”
“Basically, we want…”
Yeah, we single/divorced childfree men get that. But what you don’t understand is that what we don’t want is you.
Enjoy another eight years alone.
Lol but if you’re older: you too, cuz there is almost nothing else but single moms and guys who are too lazy to help w kids stay alone too. What’s the use of dating if i have to do it all by myself anyway? At least I don’t have the extra annoyance when single.
As a single mother, I don’t want most of these things. If you’re a single mother, you should know that the experience of raising kids on your own is a tough job. It makes you re-examine what’s truly important. I did have a man that had a fit body, was gorgeous, had money, and loved to buy me things randomly. But notice that I used the word “had”? All the things mentioned couldn’t possibly compare to all the fighting, the control issues, etc. Not a chance. I’d rather be on my own than with the guy who thinks wine and… Read more »
As a mother, and a woman, I find this entire article to be ludicrous. She’s looking for a perfect person, not just a great “partner”. Finding a lasting and meaningful relationship is about more than having a man who will be your all expense paid meal ticket, chivalrous do-it-all boy toy, and personal lap dog! Let’s think: loyalty, respect, understanding of your one parent household and the implications that will have on a relationship, and chemistry! At this rate, flings and hot dates are all I see in this chicks foreseeable future!
@Sarah Radford I Tend to believe (and hope) that most women think as you do, Sarah. They don’t often get the ink though. I’m actually not that guy (no one can be). I strive to be a good partner is all, but if I were out there dating, did not know better, did not have the experience, reading articles such as this would be disheartening. I’d hope that other women such as yourself did speak up. @Erin Could not have stated it any better, and you are correct. Guys lashing back does no one any good. As you can see… Read more »
Wow I’m a woman and I just want to say that I’ve met waaaaayyyy too many women who have this attitude. And they wonder why they are always single or in short term relationships that inevitably blow up, leaving them with nothing but more credit card debt and maybe even another kid. They are suffering from special princess syndrome, looking for their prince, the man who is everything — sophisticated AND woodsy, smart but NOT a boring nerd, tough but vulnerable! A perfect guy in every way who is magically still single and willing to take on a woman with… Read more »
I find no humor element in it at all. If you read around the web for ‘What women want’ or have spent any time on a dating site that has a forum, like Plenty of Fish – you will find popular renditions of this list, with the final statement not being ‘Basically we want a partner’ but more so ‘Where have all of THESE good men gone?’ For this to have had an inkling of humor, it would have had to been published on April First. The comment section over on Babble doesn’t seem to tie in that it is… Read more »
While I understand your desire to write something that is comparable to see how it looks when the ‘shoe is on the other foot”, I don’t think it would actually encourage the women who need to hear the message most that talking about men like this is not okay. It will probably only further make then feel defensive and closed off to listening. But if you could write something that could teach the women who may find this fun, funny or amusing, why it’s not okay, why you as a man and other men find this offensive, if you did… Read more »
I’m not sure it is, Silke. If it was on the onion, maybe, but Babble? Not so sure…and that scares the bejesus out of even me. I mean, I’m that guy, but a woman has to earn all that. The first question that I’d ask this particular writer is what she has to offer in return. Often times the silence will blow your eardrums off. There are good women out there, this is just not one of them…which my be why she is divorced. Not sure on that, but like the guys that paint us badly, she paints the good… Read more »
Earn it? I have nothing to give. I give all to my kids, neglect myself and have no energy left for a man w extra needs. Pfffff. A rabbit is easier to keep. Men never do anything and expect a whole lot. He has to earn me even being interested by at least providing for himself and a bit for my kids. Had enough couch hangers who were just another burden.
I can’t believe I read beyond Golden Retreiver. Here’s the honest no rainbow, glitter dan ing unicon reality; you have as much chance at that as I do with Pamela Anderson. A guy that can cook, has a funny sense of humor, a rocking body, and is smart – isn’t looking to be somebody’s obedient dog, much less your definition of Partner – sounds entirely too domineering, manipulative and controlling to be a ‘partner’. GET the Retreiver, order the steak with an app, and fire up the NetFlix with 50 Shades, cause ain’t no guy fitting that bill, filling that… Read more »
Boris
I think this is a joke .
Sounds to me what you’re looking for is not a partner, but a unicorn. Good luck with that…
*nodd*.
If this was meant to be tongue-and-cheek, it still wasn’t very funny.
I didn’t like this one at all.
“4. We want to go on real chivalrous dates.”
Translation: “We want you to pay for our expensive dinner”
You want a smart, superhot man to pay for things whilst being supportive whom is also rugged and woodsmany whilst also being sweet, affectionate, sensitive, good with your kids and a great personality.
Good luck with that…