What Does a Healthy and Compatible Relationship Look Like?

No relationship is 100% perfect. And being too demanding is not only naive, but can also leave one to spend their old age alone. I’ve got an immediate family member who’s past 70 now, and she’s still looking for Mr. Right.

But there are a few key characteristics that a truly good relationship should exhibit. I’d even consider them non-negotiables.

They are the pillars that have supported the marriage of my parents for 35 years.

They are the things that made my engagement thrive despite me often being 8,000 miles away from my fiancée.

Quite frankly, those things define every healthy and compatible relationship that I’ve ever seen.

. . .

Trust is never an issue

There’s no uneasy gut feeling. Ever.

You don’t doubt the whereabouts, motives, actions or answers of your partner. As a matter of fact, there isn’t even an urge to ask questions like “Where have you been?” or “Who were you talking to?”

You also have access to each other’s mobile devices, including the personal information contained in them.

But neither of you ever wants to spy or check anything. You just know that there are no reasons to doubt your partner’s trustworthiness.

. . .

It’s easy to live together

Your routines and habits match. Sometimes, you can go about your day without even noticing each other.

I’m not talking about taking your partner for granted. But what I mean is that you somehow, effortlessly, manage to coexist without ever getting into each other’s way. The manners in which you deal with your daily proceedings in a limited space just flow symbiotically.

You also respect each other’s needs and boundaries, and adjusting your behavior accordingly, if ever necessary, doesn’t seem like a big thing to do.

None of the quirks of the other becomes too annoying and both of you can be your authentic selves. You can play the guitar in your underwear, drink juice directly from the carton or do a nude workout in the living room. And it’s ok.

Finding an empty tube where the roll of toilet paper was can, perhaps, make you frown a bit, but that doesn’t really piss you off significantly. Because you remember that, sometimes, you tend to be a little lazy too.

. . .

You’re at ease regarding the state of the relationship

There’s no anxiety about whether the relationship is going to last or not. It’s never an on and off thing. And you never feel that it’s complicated or uncertain. Instead, there’s a mutual sense of decisiveness, commitment and security.

You can book plane tickets a month or a year in advance, or accidentally have a baby. It doesn’t matter. Because you know that you wouldn’t be flying alone, and neither would you be a single parent.

. . .

It’s easy to talk things straight

Conflicts don’t happen often. In the rare occasion that they do take place, their magnitude is small and you’re capable of solving them in a civilized manner. Without any lasting emotional scars.

To be more precise, you’re not only capable, but you’re both also oriented to solving them. Nothing usually needs to be swallowed and after you finish your discussions, both sides feel heard and understood.

. . .

You’re able to feel secure, totally open and vulnerable

There’s a general sense of emotional comfort. You can feel secure and openly talk about anything, your deepest fears included. You never have to worry about those things being weaponized by your partner at a later stage.

. . .

You can’t get enough of each other

Whenever you talk, time just flies. There’s an abundance of topics to discuss and opinions to share and you’re both genuinely interested in how the other views the world.

You both have your own social circle to spend time with, but somehow, the company of each other just seems better. Thus you might often find yourself politely rejecting the propositions of your friends so that you could, instead, spend time with your partner.

And no, I’m not talking about the infatuation phase. Instead, I’m referring to not getting fed up with each other in the long run. What I mean is having something to talk about even as the years pass, or something to do, and always looking forward to it.

. . .

It doesn’t fall apart when times get tough

Be it health issues, financial trouble or otherwise stressful times, the relationship has seen its fair share of it. And instead of falling to pieces, the connection between you and your partner was proven to be solid.

It left a certain imprint in your memories. You both feel a strong sense of gratitude for sticking around. And there’s also a feeling of camaraderie that gives you additional vigor to tackle any upcoming challenges.

In shorter words, you feel that you’re a strong and efficient team of two. Hell, you’re an army of two.

. . .

So, what do you do with this information?

I’m not urging anyone to make a rushed decision to leave their partner. But what I do recommend is looking at your current relationship through the lens of the above-mentioned points.

How many boxes can you tick?

If you have come to explore this article, you probably have reasons for thought anyway.

Life’s too short for settling with something that’s unhealthy and incompatible.

Then again, as Steve Harvey put it, “You’ve got to be in a bad relationship to understand what a really good one is.”

My parents have done it. I’ve done it. And virtually everyone who isn’t a Jedi is going to do it. Simply because it normally takes time to figure out what really matters in relationship, or how it’s supposed to be.

It’s ok to allow yourself this learning curve. Just don’t get stuck in a phase that’s meant to be solely the introduction of something much greater.

But also, try not to be like this immediate family member of mine. Stay connected to reality.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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