Sarah Caouette had several experiences with strip clubs, and each time she vowed never to go back. Now she knows why.
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My first experience in a strip club I was barely eighteen, and had made it over the Canadian border without the slightest inquisition about my age. The guy I was caught up with was twenty-one, we lived together, and were pretty good at pretending to play house. To be real for a moment, I was a 2001 high school graduate. And at the time, every American seemed to have a hyper sensitivity to where they were and what they were doing. Meanwhile, I was sleeping off one late night shift after the next with no tangible goals in mind. And my peers, the young formidable minds they were, joined up with military branches and got hitched. Making us grow up a little faster, in a reminiscent and historical way as any dawn before war.
Our road trip to Montreal was laced with the agenda that it was the only place where we were able to go out and have a drink together. We worked in a bar back home, and unless someone could pull strings and get me in somewhere locally, our partying was restricted to our apartment or low rent spots with seedy acquaintances. I wasn’t much of a drinker, never really cared for the stuff. But my boyfriend really wanted to share this experience of consuming alcohol together, in a place where taboos were replaced with vices.
The last time I’d been to Canada, was a trip to Toronto I took in the sixth grade, to see the water falls of Niagara. It wasn’t that memorable, since all I remember of the trip was finding humor in the small tour boats below getting dumped on with water, as the group shrieked in their plastic yellow ponchos. And also, my friends getting caught by security shoplifting—classic American arrogance and entitlement that started early with basement experimentation and parents who didn’t know how to say “No.”
We didn’t have to steal—we did it for the cheap thrills, because we were bored suburban kids who liked to dare one another to go a little further in our obnoxious behavior. It’s embarrassing to think of now, but you were either a part of it or you were ostracized. They were my friends superficially, and any show of depth or inquisitiveness wasn’t appreciated. We were the “Them Not Us” generation—where taking responsibility for one’s actions wasn’t minted into our being, nor were we inspired by anything outside of the booming media industry.
Sex was sold to us dressed as MTV spring breakers in midriffs and string bikinis, and commercials for Girls Gone Wild. Drugs and money were promoted in the commercial rap music, and pharmaceutical companies pushing our parents to diagnose our attention and behavior disorders. Little did we know, we were becoming more and more desensitized as we became savvier consumers—dreaming about the cars we would one day drive or the McMansions we would one day own. The glitz and the glamour and keeping up with the Jones’ was all a part of the experience, and it was hard-wired into us from the start.
It was Halloween in Montreal, and we stayed in the only hotel we could afford off of St. Catherine Street. The equivalent of Bourbon Street in New Orleans, Beale Street in Memphis, or The Strip in L.A. If there hadn’t been a bright blue H on the roof lit up like a hospital or parking sign, the place could’ve passed for public tenement housing. The lobby was full with young American, European, and Asian males congregating before they stepped into the frigid streets to prowl for unwary women showing off a little skin. If I hadn’t been there, my boyfriend would’ve fit in just fine.
Not knowing our way around, we followed behind the drifting crowds going from one bar to the next. People were loud and riotous. Beggars begged outside ATM booths and club promoters pushed cards into our hands to see all the GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! And when we found ourselves standing outside Club Super Sex (known to be a famous favorite among college guys in New England), we exchanged a look between us saying, I dare you.
Being a female, I got in free. We chose a table on the second tier away from the stage, and ordered drinks through a cocktail waitress. I don’t remember what the girl looked like who was dancing when we walked in. I remember thinking she looked really young—younger than me—and that there was a group of Asian guys sitting right beneath the stage, waving money up at her with uninterested faces.
We continued to drink, and some of the entertainers began to approach our table in pairs. Some were over-the-top in their approach, playing up the erotic fantasy that they were willing to do anything, at a price. Some used their bi-lingual French, to appeal to the exotic side of our ethnocentric psyches. And then there were the girls, like Candy who sat down with us and shot the shit as though we were sitting in a Café and it was normal for her to be topless. She was the one who immediately detected we were Americans, since my boyfriend was wearing a baseball hat, and offered to meet up with us later to show us around town. But after my boyfriend and I discussed it further we decided it probably wasn’t in our best interest to get tangled up with a dancer we hardly knew. I offered to buy him a lap dance, and he said he would only take me up on it if we came across a girl who we both found attractive enough and worth the money.
It never happened. We stayed for a couple hours and versions of the show, and found not one girl who had what we were looking for. Before we left, I used the ladies bathroom, which turned out to also be the dressing room for the dancers. I felt like I had walked into Tom Wait’s Small Change album—the record I would pull out of my parents collection, just out of curiosity to look.
Oh, I said, caught off guard. The bathrooms?
A girl with glitter all over her breasts, giggled. It happens all the time, she said, pointing around the corner.
Thanks, I said, trying not stare. They were used to people ogling them, but for some reason I felt they probably enjoyed hiding out back there and the downtime, much more. The group of girls, standing around waiting to go on, brought back memories of the female comrade of a gym locker room. And in that moment, I saw just a bunch of young lost girls, who hated their jobs and their lack of direction. I saw how easy one could jump into certain situations, when they didn’t have a support system or good role models in their lives.
When I left the dressing room, I caught a glimpse of a 300-lb plus man receiving oral sex from a girl of very slight frame. Her back muscles told me she was uncomfortable with the exchange, and I nearly tripped over a couple steps from the shock of the scene. When I made it back to my boyfriend, the stage show had taken a more gratuitous track and I felt very uneasy. I wanted to go, and he didn’t question why.
We talked only a little about it later. He said he was lucky to have me, and that he wouldn’t have been able to choose any one of those girls for a lap dance, because not one compared. He complimented my open-mind, and apologized for the experience not being enjoyable. We spent our last days in Montreal looking at the architecture of the churches, shopping, and eating—trying to wipe clean the salaciousness of our first night.
I refused to step foot in another strip club after that. I couldn’t suspend my moral conscience and not feel compassion toward the young women who believed they had no other choice than to take off their clothing for money. Then at a gym one day, I was introduced to a pretty girl who danced at a local club and talked candidly about her job. And I was just stunned the money wasn’t all that good and that I made the same, if not more on some nights, bartending in a restaurant that catered to a more affluent clientele. My gig was degrading in its own way, but obviously not in the same sense as hers. She seemed smart and was quite sweet, and I tried to understand why she couldn’t see herself doing anything else. Years later, I heard she’d run off to Vegas, where the money was better.
♦◊♦
I was working and living in Boston with a couple roommates, the next time I ended up in a strip club. A friend of one of the girls I was living with was a student at Boston College, and apparently she had been putting herself through the finance school by hosting private parties in her apartment. It all started when she had taken a pole dancing class as a PE credit at the university. This sounded incredulous to me, but it was true. This wasn’t your standard, run-of-the-mill, daddy-doesn’t-love-me scenarios. My roommates and their friends came from upper-crust families, out of Greenwich and New York and Andover, MA. And many of them had just started working for the first time in their lives, in positions that were lined up for them, at companies where the starting salaries were well above average. We simply had money to blow.
As the BC girl’s time at school was coming to a close, she decided she wanted to try at an amateur night in some small town out in Western Massachusetts (where no one knew her), before she moved back to Los Angeles where she was from. This rationality made sense to everyone but me, but of course I didn’t speak up. I tagged along with about fifteen other college students and recent grads, and when we walked into the club we had the air that we owned the joint. I could tell our presence was disruptive to the regulars who frequented the place—the guys who had lunch there on a usual basis with their buddies or coworkers, eating burgers and fries as they gawked at the afternoon talent. The more tenured dancers had been dancing too long, and when the lights hit them just right you saw the years they had lost like the elasticity of their skin. It was sad.
A couple girls approached our group to offer massages, but as soon as they surveyed us in our expensive jackets and scarves their eyes seemed to drop to the floor, or looked down to the cheap lotion in their hands. It was pointless. We had no interest in being touched by them. We were there to cheer on our friend, and help her win the $1000 they were offering as a prize. We threw 5’s, and 10’s, and 20’s on the stage, hooting and hollering when she came out in her clear-soled stilettos—as though we were at some professional sporting event with V.I.P tickets.
She was a pro on the pole, strong and athletic. But she lacked the dirty sexiness that other dancers typically possessed. She was the girl-next-door trying too hard to be something she wasn’t, and why she chose to put herself out there in such a manner made me wonder if it was her own self-worth and insecurities about being desirable that made her do it. It made me realize that no matter how clean-cut and comfortable we grow up we aren’t necessarily immune to the negative self-images we have of ourselves.
♦◊♦
The last and final time I spent in a strip club, I was with a couple male co-workers for a night out in Boston. We did the typical rounds that evening: a pre-game of martinis and raw oysters on the half-shell, Smith & Wollensky’s for over-priced steaks, a few bars in Faneuil Hall, and to end the evening, the gentlemen’s club near China Town. I don’t know why I had to prove that I could hang with the guys. When I look back on the experience, the impression I was trying to make is not one I’m impressed by. In my late twenties, I was surrounded by people who felt anything could be bought. Basically, they were just my old friends grown up.
If you want a pink elephant, I will get you a pink elephant, my boss used to say. He saw a price tag on everything, including women.
I found the women who worked the club rather complimentary of me.
You’re so pretty, they said pushing my hair away from my shoulders, as my co-workers elbowed each other, easily-excited and amused. But surely what was attractive to these women was that we had one of the best tables in the house, which equated to the amount of money we were willing to spend. Shallow people are a magnet for others just like them, and the entertainers at this particular locale were well-trained in the art of persuasion. They were the crème-de-la-crème in the dancing world, and I was rolling with real dogs that night.
I watched the show as though I was at concert hall or symphony. I felt anything but sexual, almost detached. The food chain went something like this: the dancers were entertaining us, I was entertaining the guys, and the guys were their all-consuming selves. Because that was what it was blantantly: sex as a commodity.
Then a guy at the table next to us leaned over and whispered, How much for a dance?
On cue, I told him where to shove it, and my co-workers interjected, words were exchanged, and before I knew it we were being asked to leave.
What a relief, I thought riding back to the hotel in the taxi, as the two men I was with complained about how embarrassing it was being escorted out.
I didn’t care. I knew I had my fill of strip clubs, and would never see such establishments the same after that night.
For putting myself in an environment that degrades women for entertainment, gave license to the man who offended me. He thought because I was there supporting my co-workers, that perhaps I held no reservations about my own sexuality—which was further from the truth. I just happened to be growing into a confident, strong woman right before their eyes. And when I put my foot down, not allowing someone treat or talk to me in such a manner, I was finally standing up for what I believed: that the female body should be worshipped, yes, but in a way that is respectful and keeps their soul intact.
Having a mother who is an artist and painter, exposure to human flesh and nudity wasn’t uncommon in my upbringing. We spent time in galleries and museums and at art openings where my mother’s interpretation of the female form was deified. She was a feminist, and taught my sisters and me to take pride in being female by honoring and respecting ourselves. Of course, in adolescence and early adulthood it was easier to be swayed by my peers and to get caught up with the flashiness of risqué behavior and perversion.
What spending time in these clubs showed me, was how important it is to remind the young ladies we know that the strength we wield is not by spreading our legs or by wrapping them around a pole, but our strength comes from having adaptive brains, compassionate hearts, and recognizing our own cognitive growth. And that goes too, for the young men of society. Young men need to understand that it is okay to appreciate what they find beautiful about women, but it is not okay to objectify or exploit them. It also doesn’t make you a man by keeping women in submissive roles that cater to and stroke one’s ego. (That goes for both genders. They are both known to be guilty).
The sex trade and industry is a vicious cycle of women and men having poor self images, insecurities and abuses magnified or covered up by the illusion of pleasure. What I now understand is that if you feel good about yourself, your contributions, and your roles, there is no possible way you can partake in activities that victimize and demean other human beings. After all, a human life is something to be cherished with the best of intentions.
—
Photo by H.L.I.T. / flickr
Wow this author makes some broad assumptions about the people working in the clubs that she frequented. She never actually danced herself, she just assumes quite a bit about the women working there from her three visits. I know several dancers and women who danced at one point. None of them are broken, they are just like everyone else. Some are confidant and secure, others are a little less, JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE. All this article did was “other” the strippers instead of realizing that these people are just trying to get by. Not everyone has the privilege to sit… Read more »
The simple fact is that strip clubs are a scam to seperate money from men. It is a waste of time
based on the promise of sex without any actual sex.
Like the author of this misogynistic article, looks like you too have only had “several experiences with strip clubs.”
Sarah’s article is simply slut-shaming, done up in a higher tone than one generally encounters. Women – I’m sorry, young ladies – who strip are damaged goods: insecure, infinitely vulnerable and, essentially, eternal adolescents.
As opposed to Sarah, of course, who’s got this scam all figured out and so cleverly avoided it in order to become a writer.
Let me get this straight: Sarah Caourette thinks people end up working as strippers because they have a low self-seteem, is that it? Economics have NOTHING to do with it? I’ll buy the idea that stripping is crappy work. I’ve done it. It’s crappy. You know what it generally is not, however? Poorly paying work. What I can’t understand is how people’s critiques can extend to gender and sex work, but no farther. While it’s true that there might not be much dignity in stripping, there is none at all in working for starvation wages at a McDonald’s or a… Read more »
Despite what you may think Ex-stripper, I think every woman has a right to have a perspective on sex work and what sex work means to her as a woman and what it may mean for other women. It’s very important to have the perspective of actual sex workers/ former sex workers, such as yourself, but it’s also important to have the perspective of women who may not be like you but who have had experiences where their lives where touched by the sex industry. It manages to touch all our lives in different ways these days. Most of us… Read more »
Unbelievable. Do you even know what “class” means, Erin? I’ll give you a hint:it’s not defined by the summer job you had as a kid. Go google the concept. As for the rest of your privileged, nativist diatribe (I especially liked the bit about “illegal immigrants”: you’re pure first nations stock, I tale it…?), if you can’t understand how starvation wages at places like Walmart are related to people choosing to do sex work, then seriously sister, you are far too privileged to have anything of any import to say regarding sex work, let alone the motivations of the people… Read more »
Hi Sex Worker Ally. No, my job was not some summer job I worked as a “kid”. I worked on that farm 4-6 days a week (depending on when my boss needed me) through-out the entire year for 8 years, from about 17-18 until I was 24. And I went to school during that time so that I could earn a skill set for a better paying job. Heat, bitter cold, snow, rain, there is always something to do at a farm. That was the choice I made. I enjoyed working hard and working outside. Just as people choose to… Read more »
The discussion about the sexuality of people with special needs is an entirely different conversation.
We are all making assumptions about what each of us is thinking and where we come from with our ideas. I appreciate this thoughtful and heartfelt discussion. These exchanges are important for contributing to our own growth as human beings.
It’s hard to imagine how you came to the conclusion that I have little regard for club workers. All I did was site statistics. Again, I believe the author of the article was merely stating what she took away personally from the experience of visiting strip clubs. In writing the article she is merely trying to understand a culture that supports this industry and following the thread of her own generational experience. You have no idea who I am or what my own life experience has been and you are perpetuating the very thing that you rail against, judging others… Read more »
And I really disagree with Iceland making sex work illegal. I don’t like the government telling me what I can and can’t do with my own vagina/body. Selling things is legal, sex is legal, but sex with money to incentivize the deal is illegal. Is outlawing sugar daddy types next? Like – oh yes, I know it’s consensual and for mutual benefit, but it’s really not good for you and I know what’s better for your emotional well being. Ok, and one more point: In all these discussions, people only consider women – but if sex can only be free… Read more »
Also, this violence occurs because prostitutes have no legal recourse, or many feel that they don’t because their profession is illegal. Sex workers might go to police to seek justice, but they are often blown off, laughed at, harassed, or arrested. This doesn’t mean sex work is inherently harmful, it means there is a systematic bias against sex workers. People who believe sex work is wrong (like cd and the Caouette) make it illegal and end up creating a much more harmful environment for women. This article has some good statistics and information about that http://www.gwu.edu/~soc/docs/Weitzer/Prostitution_Facts.pdf I believe in decriminalization… Read more »
• It is difficult to find statistics about sex workers and sexual violence; due to the once widely-held perception that sex workers could not be victims of rape, scientists only began to study the prevalence of sexual violence against sex workers very recently. Here are a few of the things we do know: • One study of violence against women engaged in street prostitution found that 82% reported being physically assaulted in prostitution, and 68% reported having been raped (Farley & Kelly, 2000). • This extreme prevalence of violence against sex workers includes both indoor and outdoor sex work –indoor… Read more »
@cd, Several years ago I attended a wedding in Buckhead, Georgia (Atlanta). Stayed at posh four star hotel. One nite when I could not sleep I went outside the hotel, along Peachtree Street, to enjoy a cigar with a bourbon. This was in August. Anyone who has lived in the Deep South knows it is hot as hell in August. Well, as I sat smoking my cigar a young came came out and ask for a light of her cigarette.. The first thing I noticed is she was wearing cowboy boots. Strange I though given the heat. She asked to… Read more »
I took an introductory anthropology class a few years ago from an amazing teacher who packed it full of intriguing, enlightening and useful knowledge and ideas. One of the many ideas that has stuck with me (even if the names haven’t) is that of an anthropologist working on the problem of female genital mutilation in Africa. She–the anthropologist–pointed out that when you’re trying to get people to change their behavior, it doesn’t do much good to lecture people and confront them with all the reasons that they shouldn’t do it. What a patronizing idea, that they don’t already know what’s… Read more »
I think sex worker violence is propagated by people who disrespect sex workers and see them as less human because of their work. It’s like the whole rape culture “she was asking for it” mentality extrapolated times ten. But I don’t think it is the work itself to blame (similar to what Prime alluded to – the work is not inherently harmful (even if you yourself could not do it). I know several happy well adjusted hookers.). I think it’s people like the author and cd who perpetuate the idea that these women don’t deserve respect, they deserve the violence… Read more »
It’s an interesting phenomenon, Vivian, one that I’ve seen played out by Crusaders in my own life, and which seems to play out with regard to sex workers. Namely, the Crusader knows what’s best for other people and campaigns tirelessly to save people from whatever terrible thing oppresses them. But, as so often happens, the oppressed people have their own ideas about what’s best for themselves, and refuse to cooperate with their would-be saviour. This angers the Crusader like nothing else, and the Crusader turns the knives on the oppressed people that he or she is trying to save. So… Read more »
CD, Melissa Farley has a very long history of spinning data just the way she wants it. Because of her obvious lack of objectivity and problematic scholarship, she wasn’t allowed to testify in the recent Supreme Court case in Canada re: prostitution. Her psychologist colleagues in New Zealand have called for her professional association to Censure her after Farley misused data and misrepresented informants’ opinions about sex work in that country. She has enormous methodological problems and a very clear political axe to grind. As a result, I would not cite her work on sex work as “authoritative” in any… Read more »
Hi Erin
Well said:
“”””Sure, ther are women who many genuinelly enjoy their work. But there is a very strong belief
system in our culture that women are only as good as their looks or hteir ability to sexually
please men. And most people are infact hurt and broken in some way. And often our choices
reflect those hurts. Most women, I don’t personally believe would choose a lifestyle that was
built on providing male fantasies primarily for male pleasure. There is something in that that
sometimes eats away at a woman’s soul.”””””
Hi Primer
“”Why is sex work automatically considered to be degrading to the worker, but selling one’s labor
in other ways is not? What does that say about your own views about sex?”””””””
Often it tell that we have high respect for sex. Do you have any problems with that?
.
On Iceland clubs like these for stripping is illegal, as far as I know.
Primer
From Wikipedia:
“”””In March 2010, Iceland outlawed striptease.[6] Johanna Sigurðardottir, Iceland’s prime minister, said: “The Nordic countries are leading the way on women’s equality, recognizing women as equal citizens rather than commodities for sale.” [209] The politician behind the bill, Kolbrún Halldórsdóttir, said: “It is not acceptable that women or people in general are a product to be sold.”[209]”””
Why is sex work automatically considered to be degrading to the worker, but selling one’s labor in other ways is not? What does that say about your own views about sex?
Having sex with someone you love or want, for free, is not the same as selling (or buying) sex at all and I can not believe you could just imply that. When you sell sex it is about the other person`s pleasure. I view sex as something to be fulfilled for both parts, not as someone allowing their bodies to be masturbated with for money. But that is okay. If you will feel okay when your son or daughter becomes a prostitute without even a little bit of concern or wishful thinking they would of choosen another job as much… Read more »
Prime asked: “Why is sex work automatically considered to be degrading to the worker, but selling one’s labor in other ways is not? What does that say about your own views about sex?” I think it says that we still recongnize that sex is a pretty powerful and amazing thing that is so deep and intricate to our human inner workings, that it remains pretty amazingly special. Even for those that may only be seeking physical release. It is a thing, sex, that often surpasses alot of other things and I think that’s pretty awesome. Sex work is infact different… Read more »
Good question. I think it has to do with the fact that sex is percieved as something intimate, private, and frankly special.
I also think this is also why rape is regarded as so much more of a serious crime than others (some would argue that its on par if not more serious that nonsexual assaults and maybe even murder).
Wowsers, I almost don’t even know where to begin with this article. Except to say that dancing is a job, just like working in a law office or in a mall and for some folks is the only way to access better income and a better life because going to an expensive university is out of their reach. Or it may be that a person may like dancing for a living and this is one way to do it for a living wage. Or if we treated sex workers with respect and their job just like any other (an exchange… Read more »
Exactly. Thank you. A true feminist would see women as people and worthy of dignity and respect regardless of their chosen vocation. And I agree with you that many women use the job for upward mobility – to save for a car to get to a better job, to save for school, etc. I mean when you’re talking about women who did not grow up with the same privilege as Caouette – they’re not starting out with much. These girls are using what they have to get what they don’t have. I support that. They don’t deserve her pity and… Read more »
I don’t think the author of the article ever suggested that these women were not worthy of dignity and respect just because of their profession. Not all women in the sex worker industry are trying for “upward mobility” either. Not all of them are without privilages. I think you have narrowly defined the fast experiences of women in the industry. By the way, I don’t think it’s fair that you hypthosized what Caouette’s “privilages” are compared to women who choose to work in the sex trade industry. Some of the girls are certainly using what they have to get what… Read more »
This article has nothing to do with judging people who work in strip clubs. It has to do with human flesh as a commodity. It has to do with a culture that objectifies women and has little respect for them. If you think that you are “in control” as a stripper and seriously believe that you are somehow “helping” people, I would argue that you are a bit self involved and needy. I’m sure your parents are very proud of how you have put your biology degree and their hard-earned money to get you through school to good use.
This article has nothing to do with judging people who work in strip clubs. It has to do with human flesh as a commodity. It has to do with a culture that objectifies women and has little respect for them. Or could it be that it has to do with female flesh as a commodity? Human flesh has been a commodity for immensely long stretches of human history, and a disposable one at that. Serious question: Would a dancer (or stripper, if you prefer) be better off if she quit the club and got a job as, say, a coal… Read more »
High 5.
Jonathan, it’s true that human flesh has been a commodity for long stretches of human history. Although, I don’t think that fact should negate looking at the specifics of, in this case and topic, female flesh as a commodity. Especially on a website that often talks about the relationship men have with women both emotionally and sexually. Neither do I think that the fact that human flesh as been used a commodity through history should desensitized us to the individual displays of commodifying human flesh .Whether it be the topic of coal miners or the topic of the commodification of… Read more »
Do I want to talk about coal mining? What? This sounds to me like an example of what they call “derailing.” Coal mining is just one example of a dirty and/or dangerous occupation. The point of the comparison was to fit the issue of stripping into the larger context and to query why so many people privilege sexual objectification as a unique and paramount evil. It’s a question which bears directly on the conversation because the people who engage in stripping and/or sex work clearly rate it as a lesser evil compared to their other options for making a living.… Read more »
You do realize that it was you who brought up coal mining right? How am I derailing the conversation when you are the one that brought coal mining into the discussion instead of focusing on the topic at hand? Out of the two of us, isn’t you who is derailing the conversation? I really have no idea how people who engage in stripping or other sex work rate their sex work compared to other options of making a living. I do not think people do sex work because they believe it’s a “lesser evil”. I suspect different women come to… Read more »
Do American men really believe they need naked women to have entertainment? Do you really think it is about comparing the two just to see what is worst? Your comment seems so illogical. The post is talking about the core issue about objectification focusing on the people being objectified, please saty at that. This site is opening my eyes so much about the regular American men`s mind, and that is kind of tainted. Do NOT talk about that particular notion of entertainment (naked women) for men or you will face all the most acrobatic arguments to tell you it is… Read more »
The author, Sarah, is only talking about her experience and what she took away. In understanding how to be a woman in a culture that demands so much; Being smart and beautiful and sexy she is asking valid questions about what is valued or how we identify ourselves as women, or as human beings for that matter. The pressures are different now than they have been in the past and the media has a lot to answer to for the Girls Gone Wild mentality. All behavior is driven by a need. No power is attained by putting oneself out there… Read more »
This is a peculiar response and an odd distraction. We can say this about many professions as each of us feels like we come away with residual layers. I am a Special Education Teacher. I sometimes feel like I am in the mines. I never leave the day without feeling a bit gritty, but I also never feel like I need to defend what I do.
Thank you for this article and your courage for writing it.
This writer is assuming a lot! “I saw just a bunch of young lost girls, who hated their jobs and their lack of direction. I saw how easy one could jump into certain situations, when they didn’t have a support system or good role models in their lives.” … “the young women who believed they had no other choice than to take off their clothing for money. “ And to me, as a dancer, it’s very offensive. None of it is profound. This article mainly reiterates tired stereotypes about a marginalized population. I’ve been a stripper for four years in… Read more »
Well put, thank you for offering the flip side of the coin. I have visited strip clubs when I was young, and although they do possibly alter a man’s perception of what a woman’s body should look like, and how money is the best tool to manipulate attractive women, the strippers I have dealt with and gotten to know, were clearly making a choice to dance. There are all types of strippers, just as there are all types of people. Sure, there may be those with ‘daddy issues’, but that’s not for me to fix. I’ve met wonderful, kind, intelligent… Read more »
great post
Overall, Caouette never quits judging these girls.
completely agree with you.
Thanks for sharing!
I’d have to agree with several other commenters that you don’t seem to have learned anything that you didn’t already have an opinion about, from visiting these establishments. From another woman’s perspective (and no I have never worked in one)… I have been to 5 strip clubs and 2 male reviews. A couple of the strip clubs were just that: places where the girls were underpaid, underappreciated, and ogled by the male clientele. However, the 3 other clubs were decent establishments where the girls were well treated, the girls were friendly and polite and generally seemed to enjoy their jobs.… Read more »
Brandy, perhaps it’s you that should go back and take a good hard look? I also don’t believe that the author ever suggested that it was not a difficult job. I infact think that is part of her point. I understand your right to disagree with the author’s opinion. What I don’t understand is the assumption that *you* have the correct opinion and that she somehow only came to hers through biases that you believe you have some how escaped. Especially since she went into the history of how she came to believe what she believes. What she believes is… Read more »
I don’t think you learned anything you did not already believe, going to the strip clubs.
Entertainment writer Peter Keough once said of the entertainment industry and Hollywood, “is a town where everyone is selling body and soul for fame and fortune, and all – especially women – are considered commodities.” I have always believed that for the majority of women who strip and get involved in the sex trade, certainly not all, but most, do not wish to find acceptance and sexuality on stage performing primarily for the visual and physical pleasure of a bunch of strange men, some of who are married and some of who are not. But all who are at varying… Read more »
The last time I went into a ‘Titty Bar’ was about 30 years ago or more perhaps. I’ll never forget as I was nursing a $5 Budwiser (which cost $2 where we usually went) and thinking to myself, “How stupid is this that here I am paying $5 for a beer to look at some crack head stumble on stage who doesn’t hold a candle to what I have waiting at home for me? So, about 4 months ago, after a Union meeting, instead of going to our usual ‘Watering Hole’, we go to the local ‘Titty Bar’. And there… Read more »
I can understand being a young guy and wanting to go. Being curious. I mean, personally, I prefer that wasn’t the way it was, but we are different people when we are young. And it’s more likely that the girls are the same age as the young guys going. Which makes sense. But what gets to me is men who are getting ready to get married who feel they need to celebrate their marriage by some down time with other women. It seems like a pretty big “f-you” to the woman they are supposedly ready to commit to. “Yeah Babe,… Read more »
Sorry to hear you didn’t enjoy yourself. Maybe it’s because you’re at the wrong type of ‘Club’. After all, the one’s with the ‘Male Review’ seem to be full of women really having a good time.
Hey Bobbt, I think Sarah shared a valid experience and viewpoint. Are you suggesting that she would not have this view point had she visted male reviews? Or are you suggesting that talking about male reviews is more important then talking about the politics and in-workings of men and female strip clubs? Or are you possibly suggesting that the situation with male review is exactly equal to the situation with female strip clubs? What do you suppose the ratio is between strip clubs catering to men and strip clubs catering to women? I personally believe that there are many more… Read more »
…with the possible exception of every straight bar everywhere.
I haven’t ever gone to Hooters, but to a restaurant with a similar theme. The draw is not primarily that of oogling women’s shapely physiques, but of having attractive women attentive to us, for once. Really, it seems to me, the same feeling that women seek when they dress up to strut their stuff at the bars and clubs.
Jonathan, lots of men dress up and also strut their stuff to go out to bars and clubs. They put on nice shirts, they even iron them, they shave or trim and groom themselves making sure they look nice. Women do the same thing. They put on nice clothes, they groom, they iron, they go out trying to present the best image of themselves. Looks matter to men after all right? That ‘s continually reinforced whether it be Hooters or places you described with “attractive women” to be attentive to you. So no, Hooters is not the same thing as… Read more »
Frankly, this is a pretty ridiculous reply, Erin. Do you really think I don’t know that men also dress up and go out to bars to strut their stuff? Yes, I am aware of that fact. That it is such common knowledge ought to provide a hint that I was alluding to a difference in the resulting experiences of straight men and women in bars. To state it concisely, the cultural dynamic of “man pursues, woman chooses” leads to very experiences. In general, a woman dressing up and going out can expect to receive lots of attention from men and… Read more »
Jonathan, I considered my response to be thoughtful, intelligent and the furthest thing from “ridiculous”. I hope we could find a way to disagree and discuss a topic without putting each other’s thoughts down. You didn’t acknowledge that men also dress up to go out to bars and strut their stuff. So I did. Acknowledging information I believe is important that you didn’t mention is not meant to insult you. While men maintain a majority of the pursuing, men are choosing the very women they want to pursue as much as women are choosing the men they want to be… Read more »
Yeah Erin, sorry about that. I keep forgetting, different genders, different standards!
Bobbt, can you answer any of my questions? All would be prefered. I think I asked some good ones. Some that were even an attempt to further understand your perspective. Here are my questions repeated: 1.Are you suggesting that she would not have this view point had she visted male reviews? 2. Or are you suggesting that talking about male reviews is more important then talking about the politics and in-workings of men and female strip clubs? 3. Or are you possibly suggesting that the situation with male review is exactly equal to the situation with female strip clubs? 4.What… Read more »
O.K. Erin here’s the answers to your questions as best I can. #1I don’t know. I’m only suggesting she investigate further. #2,No, I’m only ,again, suggesting she look at the entire ‘Sex for sale’ picture before she condemned the entire male species. # 3&4, I don’t know ‘the ratio’ of male vs. female strip clubs (although I do know there are 5 ‘Male Review’ clubs in Manhattan and that they are at full capacity every night they are open) But seeing it’s a ‘Zero sum’ game to you, Your saying the side with less ‘product ‘is justified because they are… Read more »
But what has lead you to believe that she hasn’t investigated enough to hold the opinion she does? Are her experiences and viewpoint not important enough vs what you apparently think they should be? And you do apparently think they should be something else since you are suggesting she needs to do more research. What qualfies you to make that evaulation? And why does she have to look at male reviews to discuss the topic of strip clubs for men …. when that’s where her experience lyed and on a site that is about talking about men? Is how men… Read more »
I’ve never stepped foot in a strip club and I don’t especially have any desire to do so, but I have known strippers in the past, who worked at strip clubs. All three of them were emotionally healthy individuals, studying at a prestigious university and treated their work as simply that. And they actually enjoyed it. None of them were “standard, run-of-the-mill, daddy-doesn’t-love-me scenarios.” They were human beings, making their own decisions. I have a problem with this article, which is that it’s written with a huge level of projection – the author is clearly disgusted by Strip Clubs and… Read more »
Rich, how do you qualify emotionally healthy individuals? is it the fact that they studied at a prestigious univeristy? I am not saying these women you knew where or weren’t emotionally healthy individuals. But there is usually a lot more going on in the inner workings of people that we do not see or understand. You say you have known strippers in the past, but how well did you know them? Enough to say that you knew the inner workings of their emotional health? I often see men criticise women who express a ceratin opinion on strip clubs. usually, it… Read more »
“I do not sense any disrespect from the author toward these girls. And I do not see any objecitification in her writing either. ” Try this part – “What I now understand is that if you feel good about yourself, your contributions, and your roles, there is no possible way you can partake in activities that victimize and demean other human beings.” Sounds like stripping is considered demeaning? “What spending time in these clubs showed me, was how important it is to remind the young ladies we know that the strength we wield is not by spreading our legs or… Read more »
Hi Archy
“”Why can’t strength come from sexuality?””
Is this sexuality?
Taken off your cloths on a stage, grinding you body against a metal pole .
Is that sexuality?
Yes the aim is to arouse men.
But so is the aim of pornography. Is pornography sexuality?
I don’t think so. It is not even resembles sexualty.
Whole-heartedly agree.
I’ve been in a lot of strip clubs, and watching always made me uncomfortable. It was never the nudity, just the thought of what these women could be doing instead of x.y.z. I felt sorry for a lot of them, not knowing if they had kids to support and this was the only way they could make money easily and quickly, or if they had just fallen in to a life that led them down this path. Some times, the money is good, other times, not so much. But it was always what I call ‘the sleaze factor’ of the… Read more »
As Sarah said in her last paragraph, I think both women and men do it for validation.
I used to go to a lot of strip clubs in my youth (more because it was the de facto activity of the misfit group I hung with than anything else). What at first was rumor, seemed to be true–that a lot of strippers are lesbians. Would a lesbian feel validated by male lust? I don’t know, that’s for others to say.
But, in my opinion the men going to strip clubs spending their hard-earned money are also lost souls.
” It was never the nudity, just the thought of what these women could be doing instead of x.y.z”
There’s quite a lot of snobbery and classism in this statement. You don’t feel stripping is a good job, and felt sorry for them? Would you say the same of Dita Von Tease?
We have to be careful in making assumptions of others lives, there are plenty of strippers who are not degrading themselves or in need of saving who can choose willingly to do the job.
Amen, Archy. There is probably a very long rant coming from me, as soon as I can find my nice words. But this is very sexy shamey and presumptuous.
When did sympathy toward people turn into snobbery and classism? I think closer to the truth is that the only time assumptions are acceptable to make is when they closely agree with what we already may believe. After all, your belief that there are plenty of strippers who are not degrading themselves or are in need of saving is also simply an assumption as well yes? There is truth to it certainly. But there is just as much truth to the idea of many lost woman’s souls in the sex worker industry needing help and saving. So why is it… Read more »
Sarah
Well said.
“””””The sex trade and industry is a vicious cycle of women and men having poor self images, insecurities
and abuses magnified or covered up by the illusion of pleasure. What I now understand is that if you
feel good about yourself, your contributions, and your roles, there is no possible way you can partake
in activities that victimize and demean other human beings.””””””
Denis Leary said it best: “Stand outside the club, take all the money out of your wallet and throw it in the nearest drain. Then bang your head against the side of the building to simulate the hangover you will have later.”