Are labels just a way for insecure men to feel more manly?
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A decade back, when the metrosexual term had begun to go mainstream, I’d listen to friends, self-proclaimed “manly men,” talk about their dislike for this new breed of man; the metrosexual.
I’d recall as a kid, my sweet mother would kindly put it when referring to why I couldn’t fit into regular jeans,”You’re husky,” but truthfully — I was fat.
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Some history — the term ‘metrosexual’ was coined by Mark Simpson in a UK newspaper in 1994, citing David Beckham as the poster boy for this movement.
Merriam-Webster even has a definition.
metrosexual: a usually urban heterosexual male given to enhancing his personal appearance by fastidious grooming, beauty treatments, and fashionable clothes.
Fastidious? Big word, means; very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail.
So the gist of it — a metrosexual man cares about the details of his appearance, got it.
Back to the story. My friends would throw verbal jabs at the men who cared about their appearance, for example, a man who shaves more body hair than my friends believed that person should delete. They’d jokingly vow never to do such ridiculousness and how anyone who did such a thing should have their “man-card” revoked.
I’d quip back, “So your goal is to dislike anyone looking better that you?” Wisecracking back and forth, they’d admit “Yes.” We’d playfully go back and forth while enjoying beers, all for the sake of conversation, but this led to something that began to bother me.
I’d recall as a kid how my sweet mother would kindly put it when referring to why I couldn’t fit into regular jeans, “You’re husky,” but truthfully — I was fat. I hated being overweight and not being able to wear clothes that fit the way I wanted, so I secretly hated taking pictures. When I was eleven years old, I’d kill to play outside with my shirt off, but I couldn’t out of embarrassment. Entering the seventh grade I became extremely fond of sports. Then, everything began to even out, and I wasn’t the fat kid as I physically stretched upward.
My shirt would be okay coming off. Then, soon after, as body hair grew, more than I’d wanted, the embarrassment factor came back with it. So now I wasn’t the fat kid, I was the hairy dude.
Simple solution, let’s get rid of it, problem solved.
(Soapbox rant warning)
So my question to the self-proclaimed manly men — Is a guy who wants to look great with his shirt off and lose weight, is he a metrosexual?
What happened to old-school men who didn’t care about people’s feelings?
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Is a person who’s embarrassed by physical blemishes and wants them fixed, are they a metrosexual?
Maybe we’ve hidden our insecurities with a hard, stoic exterior for too long, but the real men that have done the internal work, they can see right through that hard shell. We can’t hide the insecurities from them for too long.
Which makes all this labeling talk silly. It’s why I’m not a fan of labels. We’re all different, but to each his own. If he wants to shed thirty pounds or shave his body hair or dress extravagantly because it makes him feel like a million bucks why does that bother anyone?
This whole labeling thing has become obscene; I see more men with ripped six pack abs, waxed eyebrows and dressed to impress, than ever before. Should I secretly loathe them?
Can’t we stop going the negative route? Or does being a manly man mean we bash everything that isn’t us?
We label them vain, narcissistic and metrosexual.
Are we that insecure? Are we men insecure, emotional creatures and envious of the guy that’s better looking?
If that’s the case, using a label with a secret intent to bash doesn’t change a thing. I was ignorant for a long time, guilty as charged, but when going through personal struggles we begin to see that just maybe, we’re all going through internal battles.
And maybe we’re battling a fight that no one but us understands, so laying off versus being a “Jerkasaurus,” might just do the world some good.
Bottomline, knowing what others have gone through to become comfortable in their skin isn’t always visible, but respecting everyone’s internal struggles should be our human duty.
What happened to old-school men, who didn’t care about people’s feelings? Who cares, they didn’t care about your feelings and men have evolved and thankfully so.
Real men know how to balance both sides, not just a brute personality bullying everyone around.
What’s impressive is the man who has the wisdom to treat everyone as if they’ve gone through hell to be who they are today.
That’s a real man.
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Photo: Flickr/Hombre Chic
“Are labels just a way for insecure men to feel more manly?”
No, just a way for the media to put us all in neat little “type” boxes. If you categorise men in this way, you don’t have to treat him as an individual or listen to his individual needs or desires – you can treat his demographic as a homogeneous group. We also encourage “checklist dating” by women when we categorise men in this way.
It’s a marketing ploy and the real tragedy is that so few people can see through it.
Thing is, last time I saw this subject discussed, it was more women than men not likng that so many men these were too “metro”.