For ages, men have always been the ones to ask women out. They ask us out to a prom date, ask us when they are ready to go steady in a relationship and even ask us to marry them when they feel it’s right.
Stereotypes about how women and men, girls and boys should behave begin in childhood and follow us into adulthood.
For example, housework is done more frequently by girls than by boys. While, boys take on the responsibility to be providers and protectors of the family.
These gender rules affect our behavior, academic choices, aspirations, and attitudes about relationships.
In relationships, men are the hunters, and women are their price. The traditional dating rule expects men to ask women out, plan for the event and pay the bills, while the woman simply graces the occasion with her presence.
Most men were happy with this arrangement until radical changes led to a new evolution in our dating culture. Now women are expected to chase men and share bills.
But how do men feel when a woman does the chase?
Men are threatened by direct women. It’s evident that men who consider themselves hunters like to enjoy the chase before getting the price.
When a girl takes up the role and asks them out, some guys are threatened by such boldness and will end up losing interest in the girl after the first date.
And by chasing, I mean asking him out on date five times, blowing up his phone daily, and he’s breadcrumbing you with vague responses each time. You are making all of the efforts, and he is making none.
A woman chasing a man is a turn-off for masculine men. When a man chases a woman, it comes from a place of power and manhood.
That is what men are wired to do biologically. Men enjoy the chase, the adrenaline rush, the uncertainty on how you feel about them. They like the idea that they have to work hard to earn your love.
When women chase men, it usually comes from a place of neediness and desperation driven by worrying and anxiety. Which inevitably lowers her confidence and her feminine energy.
And guess what, it only results in pushing equality men away or attracting ones who see her as an opportunity to take advantage of.
If you have ever chased a man, you will know that women do not enjoy the feeling that comes from chasing a man.
The ones that want women chasing them are actually feminine men, even though they may not be aware of it.
Modern dating tells us that men and women can pursue each other in the same way.
In theory, a woman can approach a man who has no interest in her and make him like her. Intellectually is a good idea. Except it does not work that way in the real world.
Consequences of sexist gender roles
Due to the gender role factor, women have been conditioned to put the man’s need first before hers.
Women have been taught to believe that caring for a man is an honorable thing.
She believes that to struggle- to care and build up a man is what makes her special and valuable, but the man do not respect women who go out of their way to please them.
Men need to be women’s heroes to feel like men. Biologically, it’s in a man’s nature to provide anything the woman needs, not the other way round.
Men have been conditioned to be the authoritarian and decision-makers, so when they meet a woman who pays her own bills, can smash a spider in her home, and can make herself happy, they feel insecure and emasculated.
The man will feel like he’s not needed in the relationship and can’t fulfill his desire to be her hero. He will feel worthless and lack purpose.
The old dating concept where a boy meets girls, asks her to marry him, and keeps her home to raise the children, has dramatically changed over the past couple of decades.
Today, women represent 47% of the US workforce, 82% of women move out of their parents’ homes by age 27. Women do not rely on the support of a man to get through life.
All these traditional dating rules that men and women agree on are only keeping us from breaking free from sexism and harmful gender roles.
Because society has made men superior, both men and women often have a hard time accepting inferiority and learning to be right without being condescending on important topics.
So for my smart women out there, don’t dime your shine to fit into society. Find a man who accepts that you may know more than him about some things and be happy compromising where necessary.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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