What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier! (Never Fall for the Wrong Person Again)

Not long ago, I joined the crowd that yells;

“Men/women are bitch/scum.”

“All men/women are the same.”

“There are no serious men/women out there.”

“Single life is the best.”

It’s as they say, “It takes a great fall to know where you stand.” Truly I say, some things may break your heart but they fix your vision.

And when the mind opens up, the eyes follow.

Thus we start to learn that a peaceful life is built through understanding. By rightly discerning what’s good and what’s not? What’s gold and what’s just gold plated? What’s profitable and what isn’t? This is what we sometimes call, common sense.

A good example is a common quote which says;

“All that glitters aren’t gold.”

We know this.

Yet, how many think about this? How many let it guide them in making decisions?

So while we talk about the many qualities to look out for in finding a good partner, we must first have the common sense to judge rightly. Also, the appropriate understanding to know what is good for us, not only in the short term but in the long run also.

A common mistake is to assume that if a person’s cute and dresses nicely, they must be nice too.

Learn to sit your ass down and ask yourself, ‘do you desire peace of mind’?Or do you simply want someone who glitters?

The basis on which you make this decision will determine the quality of your relationship — not prayers.

Character is one major key!

Having understood the importance of developing wisdom to measure the true worth of a thing, then it’s time we talk about the next most important factor in the success of relationships & marriages— character!

The day-to-day life of every couple is simply an interaction between two characters and personalities.

Your marriage isn’t to a person only, but also to their mindset, understanding, and way of thinking. Who they truly are at their core will manifest daily after the wedding. And it’s at that point that marriage starts.

Make sure your partner’s character aligns properly with yours. Understand what relational allergies are. Especially your own.

What are allergies?

Allergies are choking flaws in a person’s character.

Everyone has flaws. Faults. And loads of crap.

However, sometimes you discover certain flaws you cannot live with. Though you may try, by relying on the strength of your love, sadly, those allergies will turn your life into hell.

It’s vital, therefore, that you first discover what your allergies are. What’s that flaw in a person that drives you nuts?

Figure it out. Including your own flaws.

Character makes and builds relationships.

When your partner has within their character, the habit of being insensitive emotionally and verbally, and that turns out to be an allergy, then that union will more than likely destroy your happiness.

It doesn’t matter how good they are in other areas. Or how much they provide for you. If you grew up in a sensitive home, where everyone speaks politely and respectfully, it is almost impossible to coexist with someone who is the opposite.

Quarrels and fights don’t come out of thin air. They are the fruits of insensitivity, immaturity, dishonesty, and lack of accountability. And I add immaturity tentatively. For I know lack of maturity plays its role. But a lack of maturity isn’t the same as a lack of character.

For I tell you, lack of character destroys more relationships than lack of maturity. Though we may suppose that character improves with maturity.

A competitive spirit.

The worst thing that can happen to you is to have a partner with a competitive spirit. Though competitiveness is a quality that when possessed with wisdom and channelled rightly can be an enviable quality.

But when a person lacks the understanding of life and sees everyone and anyone as competition, including their partner, it won’t take long before affection bails out of the relationship and that home begins to disintegrate.

Sadly, there are people out there who are so competitive that they desire to be the best at anything and everything. In every room to walk into, they want to be the one spoken about and receive praise.

Their chair must be placed underneath the spotlight at all times. When their partner earns a win at life, and seems like God has blessed them in some way, or given them a platform where they are making a name for themselves — or it be their partner is naturally blessed with beauty or a bright mind, then the competitive partner sees all that as a challenge.

Every statement or point made by the partner will be attacked, eventually leading both parties into a constant whirlpool of meaningless arguments and sour bantering.

It is not that you are wrong, but because your partner sees every smart point you make to mean you’re brighter than them, they shoot it and argue it into meaninglessness until you begin to ask yourself why the heck are you both arguing?

The problem is, underneath a competitive spirit is envy. And if you somehow find yourself with a person like that, they’ll render your life miserable. Because if they can’t feel they’re more beautiful or brighter than you, then they’d do everything to shoot you down. Making you wallow in low self-esteem and low self-image.

A humble soul.

Let’s step away from the negative for a minute. Just as there are negatively impacting qualities to a relationship, there are positively impacting qualities as well.

And one amazing quality anyone can and should possess is humility.

Almost every relationship problem can be solved or avoided if both partners are humble.

Being humble is not being a slave under one’s ego. It’s to acknowledge your fault and be accountable for your wrongs. Both in words and action.

A humble soul has no problem saying; “I shouldn’t have said that.” “I was wrong.” “I know that hurt you. Forgive me.” “I can’t believe I did that.”

The truth about life is we can never live a life where we are innocent all the time. Neither can we live a life where we do not hurt someone.

Having this understanding, it’s wise, therefore, that we possess also a quality that helps us to take responsibility to fix the hurt we cause. And without that humility to own up to our actions, relationships slowly decay.

Cultivate the art of honesty.

Lastly, on the good side, honesty is the bedrock of all of life’s institutes of value. Marriage, as one of those institutes of values, requires that its foundation be built on truth.

Whatever is built on anything other than the truth will come crashing down.

A truthful person is one with a pure spirit. With a depth of character.

Therefore, if you wish to build a strong lasting relationship, find someone who is truthful and honest.

Honest about their angels and their demons. Honest about their feelings for you. And honest about their intention for you.

Most importantly, someone who’s honest about what exactly they’re looking for.

It is dishonesty that’s set the world on fire. Everyone’s living a life of lies. Lying to themselves and lying to others. Unable to face their truth to live in the light of honesty, thereby hurting everyone on their path.

The truth casts out fear.

It’s not love that creates trust. It is truth that creates trust. And when trust is established, souls flourish.

Ye! The truth is the brick that builds paradise!

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***