What It’s Like Having a Small Friend Circle

When I was younger, the idea of being popular had a certain appeal. Fitting in and having a large social circle is something that most humans strive for. Today, with the rise of social media it’s easier than ever to feel like you can fulfill this goal, but is it really as nice as it seems?

Growing up, I was liked well enough. In high school I could pretty much hang out with any clique that you could think of just by having one or two acquaintances or friends in each group. At the time it seemed great, but looking back I’m amazed at just how stretched thin I was. Maybe it’s a side effect of growing older, but all I can think now is “nuts to that!” The amount of energy it takes to tend to each relationship is exhausting, and each person is so different that it’s hard to keep track of exactly how to relate to each one. After all, not every one is the same, and you can’t just apply a one size fits all to your interactions with everyone.

Over the years, my social circle has gotten smaller but the relationships I have within that circle are much stronger. I have two best friends and between the two of them I can pretty much talk about anything going on in my life. When things are going well, they celebrate with me, and when things are not so well, they give me comfort. The things that I feel I can’t share with them, or feel like it’s beyond the emotional bandwidth for what I think a friend should hear, I save for my therapist.

Aside from those two friends I have maybe 3–4 close friends that I talk to semi regularly. My relationships with them actually improved during the lock downs because people were making more of an effort to spend time with each other virtually. While I may not share everything with these friends, I still know that we value each other as human beings and can depend on each other in times of need; or just have fun and clown around without any particular reason.

For everyone else, it’s more of an acquaintance to friend relationship. We’re all still supportive of each other, but maybe don’t talk or cross paths as often. When my social circle first started shrinking I felt a bit anxious and maybe a little bit guilty, but as I got used to being happier with less, I realized that I don’t have to give my all to everyone, and not everyone deserves that. Same goes for them to me. If I were to try and give my all to everyone, I would eventually burn out and begin to neglect the people that I’ve created my strongest bonds with. I know this about myself and it’s something that I’m not willing to risk.

This will look different for everyone. There isn’t a magic number for the right amount of best or close friends within your circle. It all depends on you and how much of yourself you’re willing to give or share without stressing out too much. For me, I have about 2 people that I would consider my top priorities as far as friendships go. I know their birthdays, things about their families, their past, difficulties, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, and they know those things about me. And even if we don’t talk for a while, our bond stays strong because the work we’ve put into our relationship in the past has been reciprocated.

There is nothing wrong with having a large circle of close friends, and if you have the emotional bandwidth to maintain those relationships then I say go for it. At the same time, I’ve found that even having a small group of friends can be equally as fulfilling. We’re all going through life at the same time and I believe it’s about creating relationships that enrich your life and the lives of those around you. There is no magic number for that. So be satisfied with what you have and take care of those close to you. Cherish your relationships today, so you’ll have less regrets tomorrow.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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