Parenting is leadership. Jason Kiesau asks you to look at how your social style to find out how you can become a better leader parent.
I work with leaders all over country facilitating coaching and training that helps them master what I call Success Skills # 1 and # 2.
Success Skill # 1 – Self-Management
Success Skill # 2 – Relationship Building
I do this by using a program created by the TRACOM Group called SOCIAL STYLE. Social Styles does a fantastic job of helping individuals understand their behavioral preferences, strengths, and opportunities for growth. Utilizing an assessment called a Self-Perception Profile each participant answers a variety of behavioral based questions that help them identify which of the four Styles is their predominant Style.
The four Social Styles are:
- Driving Style
- Expressive Style
- Amiable Style
- Analytical Style
Each Style has dynamics that make individuals with that Style highly productive, while also having dynamics that if left unmanaged can really hold them back and limit their potential. When an individual learns what their Style is they also learn their needs and those productive and unproductive dynamics that impact how they show up in the world. One thing I consistently share with my clients is that as leaders it is our responsibility to understand our strengths and opportunities for growth to make the most out of our opportunities and have the highest quality experiences.
If you are a dad, or a parent, you are a leader; the leader of yourself, your home, and those who depend on you. As parents, it is our responsibility to understand our strengths and opportunities for growth to make the most out of our opportunities and provide the highest quality of life for yourself and those you love.
What kind of dad are you?
Which of the four statements describe you most?
- Goal-oriented and Emotionally Controlled
- Spontaneous and Dramatic
- Easy-going and Supportive
- Detail-oriented and Serious
If others might describe you as Goal Oriented and Emotionally Controlled you may have a Driving Style. This means you have a need for results and you aren’t afraid to take action necessary to achieve the results. You are assertive, formal, and too many details or “fluff” drives you nuts. Your opportunities for growth are to listen and show you care. Your need for results, lack of patience, and straight to the point communication style might make others feel dominated, uncared for, and not listened to which can have some pretty serious effects on those we love. As a dad and the leader of your home, you must understand that others have needs and some might be more emotional than others. Just because you can’t relate or don’t see value in them doesn’t mean they aren’t valid and they don’t deserve your attention. You are really good at getting things done! Showing others you care what they think and feel can go a long way in getting everyone on the same page to achieve all your desired results.
If others might describe you as Spontaneous and Dramatic you have an Expressive Style. This means you are relational and thrive on the attention and approval of others. You are outgoing, enthusiastic, creative, and love to get others excited. Your opportunities for growth are to pay more attention to details and others’ needs. At times others may have a hard time dealing with your combination of energy, assertiveness, and emotions. As a dad and the leader of your home, you really have to keep your emotions in check as they can show up in a quick temper leading you to say and do things you may regret. You are really good at building relationships and getting others excited. Use that to your advantage to create a culture within your home where everyone wins.
If others might describe you as Easy-Going and Supportive you may have an Amiable Style. This means you build strong relationships and are normally the one in the group that tries to “keeps the peace”. You have a need for personal security and need shows through your desire for harmony and avoidance of anything you may perceive as conflict. Many times you will put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own in your effort to avoid conflict and make everyone happy. Your opportunities for growth are to assert your position and state what you want. As a dad and the leader of your home, you must establish a level of self-respect with rules and expectations for how you deserve to be treated, as well what you expect out from your children. I often compare parenting to a contact sport that we must win. It can be stressful and conflicts are a given, but it’s not in the best interest of anyone in your family to give in too easily and avoid all conflict because it makes you uncomfortable. You are really good at being supportive and bringing people together. Set expectations and hold people accountable for maintaining the home of respect and love you desire.
Finally, if others might describe you as Detail Oriented and Serious you may have an Analytical Style. This means that you are logical; processes oriented, organized, and have a need to be right. You like to think through things and assess all information available to you in an effort to make the best decision possible. Your opportunities for growth are to become comfortable with the fact that sometimes you aren’t going to have all the information you need to make a decision, but they still need to be made. As a dad and the leader of your home you may have a hard time with others’ lack of reason and attention to details when they want to do something. Because you aren’t 100% comfortable with the ambiguity, you may stall in taking action or just withdraw and avoid all together. You are really good at making sure all the T’s are crossed and I’s are dotted and your family needs that. Try to take a step back and “loosen the reigns” a bit to relate to others to make decisions that work for everyone.
We all have traits that contribute to us being the great dad and leader our family needs. We also have opportunities for growth that if we ignore could really impact how we show up for our families and undermine the culture we are trying to create for everyone. Mastering Success Skills # 1 and # 2 are all about celebrating our strengths and managing our weaknesses to make a difference in the lives of the people who depend on us.
Dads change lives. The commitment you make right now has immediate and lasting effects on how your children see themselves, relate to others, respond to adversity, and approach the world. Their security, confidence, and quality of life starts and ends with you.
The content on SOCIAL STYLE is used with the permission of The TRACOM Corporation. SOCIAL STYLE®, THE CREATOR OF SOCIAL STYLE®, and TRACOM® are registered trademarks of The TRACOM Corporation. All rights reserved.
Find more by Jason Kiesau on The Good Men Project.
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Photo: Karsten Seiferlin/Flickr