What To Do When Your Ex Moves on Ridiculously Fast [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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what is painful to our egos
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is this
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idea that someone
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dates us
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we break up and then they say about
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someone else i’ve never been this sure
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before
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jessica says hi matthew and stephen i
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just got out of a six-month relationship
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that was pretty serious of course we
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fought like any other relationship but
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arguments were always over his behavior
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on social media and how i felt
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disrespected by what he would do
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he was amazing and always corrected his
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behavior until it would happen again he
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told me it’s too early on in the
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relationship to have this much drama and
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the boundaries i put on him so eight
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days after we signed a lease for an
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apartment together he broke up with me
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over text and is now dating someone new
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the new girl has randomly liked a couple
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of things of mine on social media which
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i found strange
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and she’s posted pics of them with the
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caption if you know you know
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and screenshots of their text
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conversation
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saying he’s never been so sure of anyone
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until her
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was my entire relationship all in my own
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head
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love your podcast by the way it’s been
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helping me get through the darkest time
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of my life
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so
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look firstly
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in answer in direct answer to your
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question was my entire relationship all
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in my own head
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the answer is
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there will have been and there was an
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experience being had there
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okay there in any situation
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there are
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we can feel something and then we can go
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into another relationship and we can use
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big words and feel something again to a
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lesser or a greater extent
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that doesn’t mean that the person didn’t
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feel something in the relationship
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before that and many people have had
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that experience you jessica may have had
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the experience of
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feeling something in one relationship
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and then going into another relationship
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and feeling something again
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it doesn’t invalidate the last
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relationship that you feel
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something now
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what is painful to our egos
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is this
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idea that
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someone
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dates us
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we break up and then they say about
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someone else i’ve never been this sure
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before that can be a real blow to our
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ego because what we’re hearing is
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what i feel now is superior to what i
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felt when i was with you
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now
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firstly
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we
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there has to be a kind of radical
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acceptance that we have where we say
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if someone feels that way
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then
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by definition they were not my person
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that if they genuinely feel like they’ve
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never been more certain
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then i don’t need to mourn them this
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person is not my person there will be
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someone who feels that about me
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and this isn’t my person so that’s the
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starting point even if what he feels is
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real
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then
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in this situation then what you’re
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learning is that this person truly
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wasn’t your person they’re not with
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someone else and questioning it and
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thinking about you they’re with someone
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else and they have all of that certainty
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which for you means you can genuinely
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move on from that person it’s both
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painful and it offers a genuine
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opportunity for closure
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and
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like i said there will be someone out
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there that feels that level of certainty
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or will has the potential to feel that
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level of certainty about you
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now that’s the most optimistic
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interpretation for him because the truth
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is
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if you had a quote pretty serious
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relationship over six months and now
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straight away he’s having a very serious
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relationship with somebody else
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there’s a good chance that what he’s
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feeling right now is not sustainable
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that it’s just a new set of
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feelings of certainty of
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dopamine of
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uh giddiness that
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that cannot necessarily be trusted
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i don’t think
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you can really know
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what he feels in this relationship
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lots of people say things early on in a
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relationship by text
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that are said in that passion of
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big feelings that
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are proved to be wrong months or years
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later or they just don’t they don’t have
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the staying power they don’t last
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so
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you you shouldn’t
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just because someone is posting things
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you that doesn’t mean that you should
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take that so seriously i’m not saying
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that from the perspective of wanting
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this person back i’m just saying from
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the perspective of
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you feeling mad sometimes when someone
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suddenly
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when when
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when we break up
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and you know you said he broke up with
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you over text when they break up with us
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after something serious and then
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immediately i like i’ve never been more
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in love before about someone new it can
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make us feel mad
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and i don’t mean angry i mean like mad
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like what is going on what world have i
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been
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living in it does create that feeling
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that you’ve articulated was it in my own
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head
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and the truth is and sometimes the scary
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thing is that someone can be having a
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very different experience than we are in
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a relationship we are fighting for the
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relationship we are willing to invest in
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the relationship and they are planning
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their exit at the same time
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and that’s a real
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that can affect our ego because well a
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it can make us trust ourselves less
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because we go what’s wrong with me that
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i didn’t see that we were living two
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completely different realities but it
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can also just be really it can feel
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embarrassing
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you know it can feel painful because we
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go god what a fool am i that i was
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giving all of this energy to this
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relationship
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and
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i was under this complete
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misapprehension that this person was
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having the same experience as me
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and don’t beat yourself up for that you
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gave your role in a relationship and
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someone wasn’t willing to give you
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the same thing
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that’s not a
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portent of things to come that’s not a
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sign that in the future
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you’re not going to be loved it’s just
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an example of a situation where someone
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wasn’t willing to give you what you were
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willing to give them
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and what’s important about a situation
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like this is you look back on it and you
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say
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could i have seen that sooner if if i if
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i look at it now
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were there actually a lot of signs that
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this person was not willing to give me
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what i was willing to give them
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and
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and if so why did i ignore
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those signs
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was him breaking up with me over text
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after six months of what you describe as
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a pretty serious relationship
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was that
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out of the ordinary or was that actually
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an extension
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of what i was seeing
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before that
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you know you talk about these fights
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over how he was on social media but he
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would keep reverting to type
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um you said you know he would
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momentarily correct his behavior and
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then it would happen again this doesn’t
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speak of a person who is respecting your
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wishes of someone who is trying to build
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bridges
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and someone who is afraid of
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of losing the relationship because he
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kept doing the same thing over and over
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again
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so
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i think it’s just important to say
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was i truly
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mad in this situation
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was i truly just completely oblivious
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or did i see things that made it clear
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to me that this person was not willing
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to give what i was willing to give and
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if so
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what am i going to do to build my
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strength my confidence and have a
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concrete
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standard that means
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in the future when this happens
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i don’t
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continue down the path
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if i’m seeing that once i communicate
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something that’s important to me it’s
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routinely
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ignored
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or this person keeps reverting to type
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but i i think it’s safe to say that some
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of these things that you’re talking
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about are character flaws in this person
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in their life right now
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and that one of the things you should be
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really happy about is that you’re no
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longer subject
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to those character flaws
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that you have the opportunity to find
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someone better because someone who after
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six months with you can simply break up
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with you by text is someone you should
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be really really glad
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you didn’t give
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six years
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of your life to because who knows how
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much damage that person could have done
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over that kind of a time period
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you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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