How’s modern dating been treating you so far?
A wise woman knows complaining about why dating apps don’t work out for them is useless. There are things you can try offline to meet the right people.
It’s not that complicated. Yes, it’s hard, but wise women do things differently so they don’t feel stuck or hopeless for a long time.
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1/ They have high standards — but also keep them realistic
Once I let a man decide what should I wear on our first date.
The worst part about it wasn’t the date or my dress, but how I ended up paying for the bill because apparently he “forgot his wallet”.
I don’t mind paying for the bill but I’d appreciate it if he could’ve just been more honest about it, you know?
I guess I was stupid back then that I thought things would change the next time we met.
It didn’t.I realized my standards were so low because I stayed in contact with him for another year. Another year!
Sigh.
Part of me believed I wasn’t worthy enough of a good loving man. Wise women respond to this kind of situation differently.
The tricky thing is, it’s very hard to say “no” or set high standards when we’re in our early 20s. You don’t know anything and are most likely to still repeat some mistakes.
But wise women won’t allow someone to gaslight them or treat them less than they deserve.
They don’t just put up with any BS and sit around waiting for a change.
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2/ They don’t beg someone to commit to them
When someone is committed and wants to make the relationship work, you could just feel it.
There’s no need to fret or beg for it.
This concept sounds so simple but in real life, it’s more challenging to leave someone we feel deeply attached to.
We’re willing to wait for them to make up their minds and convince ourselves that we don’t really need to be in a serious relationship.
Why lie to ourselves? There’s someone else out there who can just give us exactly that.
I’ve heard dating experts tell us to “wait it out” until we express what we actually want in a relationship. But wise women don’t wait.
They just don’t.
They know whether this person can commit or not from the get-go.
Sadly, many women still don’t pull this trigger. I know a girl who doesn’t want to leave because she deeply believes he’ll change and stop playing around.
It’s been 6 years and nothing has changed. I mean… are you surprised?
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3/ They always put 50:50
When it comes to online dating, many of us like to think that we’re the victim. All men are trash and no one can be faithful.
But is it though?
Maybe it’s your expectations that are unrealistic.
Wise women don’t play the victim game. They know if they want to build a true connection with someone, they also need to put 100% effort to engage in conversation.
Let’s be honest, we can’t expect a man to do all the work. It has to be 50:50 even in the early dating stage.
Things are changing now and long gone are the days when women can just sit around and prince charming will come over.
Another thing wise women do is they don’t necessarily look for someone who’s perfect and tick all the boxes. It just doesn’t happen. No one has the full package.
But it doesn’t mean they’ll compromise and lower their standards, far from it.
They make sure one has important traits and the same values. And then they just work from there.
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4/ They put themselves in the right place
Putting yourself in the right place is key.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you can’t be on Tinder. The App used to be decent but over the past years, it turned into a place for casual hookups.
Putting yourself in the right place is key.
You don’t just sign up for a dating app because that’s the first thing that shows up in your search. You’ll want to spend time doing some research and looking at the reviews.
What’s their core strength? What do other people say about the app? How does the algorithm work?
Iris Dating (not sponsored/anything) for example. They have a good feature to make sure that you meet the right people that you also like. So it’s not solely based on location or interest.
Another important thing to do is to set a timeline on how long you want to be in that App.
Wise women always see online dating as an experiment. They don’t do multiple apps all at the same time and know when to move on.
That way you’ll create a healthier dating lifestyle — rather than one full of uncertainty and heartbreaks.
5/ They move on — fast
Got ghosted? That sucks. Whine about it for a day or two — and then move forward with your life.
The older you get, the better you understand how some people aren’t just worth your tears.
Modern dating is sadly full of mind games. You might think you meet the right person, but the next day you find out they’re just “breadcrumbing” you.
As much as you want to think it’s unfair and the world is against you, moving on fast is the best solution.
Wise women don’t waste their energy on making a dead relationship work. They know their worth really well.
Just because someone left them out of the blue, that doesn’t mean they should put themselves in the dark for months.
They see it as a good sign that someone else who’s a better fit for them is on their way.
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Too busy to read everything? I got you.
Here’s the recap of what wise women do in dating:
- They have high standards — but also keep them realistic. They won’t allow someone to gaslight them or treat them less than they deserve.
- They don’t beg someone to commit to them. They know whether this person can commit or not from the get-go.
- They move on fast. They see a failed relationship as a sign that someone else who’s a better fit for them is on their way.
- They don’t do multiple apps all at the same time and know when to move on. They also put themselves in the right place with the right App.
- They don’t necessarily look for someone who’s perfect and tick all the boxes. And they put 50:50 in every relationship.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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