What You Need to Know About Intentional Dating

Many young adults go through a casual dating phase, especially during their younger years. After all, who wants to settle down right away when they can take the time to explore the dating world and learn more about themselves in the process?

However, this phase eventually ends as people start to long for something real. Specifically, they dream of having a relationship that’s built on a strong foundation of love, trust, respect, and commitment — not just instant gratification and surface-level connection.

If you feel the same way, it might be time to explore other approaches to dating. One such option is intentional dating.

What It’s All About

This dating method focuses on being brutally honest with yourself as well as with potential matches about what you’re looking for.

People who want to casually date, for example, can use this method to avoid leaving broken hearts in their wake and find like-minded matches who can provide them with easygoing, light-hearted connections.

Similarly, people who want to have serious relationships can use intentional dating to weed out those who aren’t ready to settle down and those who break hearts for fun.

A more intense version of this dating method is hardballing, which involves being upfront about your intentions on or before the first date. This no-holds-barred approach can seem too aggressive to some, but it has certainly worked for loads of people who are tired of playing mind games and have reached the end of their rope.

The Right Way to Date with Intention

Not sure where to begin with intentional dating? Use these tips to jump-start your journey:

1. Build your confidence

It’s hard to identify the things that you want in a relationship if you don’t believe you deserve them in the first place. So, before you start dating with intention, focus on improving your self-confidence.

Find ways to boost your self-esteem and shake off the feeling that you need to smooth out your edges or contort yourself to fit other people’s expectations. If DIY soul work isn’t enough, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist who can help you untangle your emotions and sort through the issues that have been eating at your confidence.

2. Set your standards and expectations

You don’t need to have a step-by-step plan for the next 10 or 20 years, but you should at least have an idea of the general direction that you want to take. Start mapping out your future by asking these questions:

Are you looking for a serious partner or a casual connection?
What does a healthy relationship look like to you?
What attributes are you looking for in a partner?
Do you want to get married and/or have kids?
Where do you want to live and work in five or ten years?
Can you forgive a partner if they’d cheat on you?

3. Be patient

When you date with intention, it’s easy to separate the wheat from the chaff and stay away from people who don’t share your goals and values. However, this also means it will take you much longer to find the right person.

The key here is to extend your patience and recognize that the time you spend waiting is worth the fulfillment you’ll experience later on.

4. Remember that you can’t change people

Just because you’ve set your standards doesn’t mean you can thrust them on other people and expect them to change for you. Doing so will only lead to resentment and not the beautiful connection you’re trying to create.

If you find a match who seems perfect at first but ends up not meeting your expectations, learn to let them go. Sadness and disappointment will definitely set in, but experiencing temporary heartbreak is better than staying in a relationship where you’re not fully happy.

Start a New Chapter in Your Dating Life

If traditional dating no longer works for you, it’s probably time to switch gears and give intentional dating a try. Use the tips I’ve listed above and see how this method can help you find the ideal partner and build the connection you crave.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.