What Your Tinder Bio Says About You (And Why I Swiped Left)

There’s no doubt that writing a Tinder bio can be high pressure for both men and women. You’ve got to sum up your entire personality and what you’re like for in a few sentences — and not come off as a total red flag. That’s a lot of pressure, which is probably why a lot of profiles are so cringe-worthy.

Let me help you get rid of some of the red flags from your dating app bio. Here’s a judgmental breakdown of the common phrases I see in guy’s Tinder profiles (and why I find myself swiping left on all of them).

A Dead Fish Photo

What you think it says: “I’m an outdoorsman who can provide for you.”
What it actually says: “I know that women like fish photos.”
Why I swiped left: If I’m being completely honest, I actually love me a guy with a fish profile photo. It shows me you have hobbies, and I actually do like the rugged outdoorsman look on some men. But if your entire profile is only filled with dead fish photos, I have to wonder: are you really that obsessed with fishing (which means you probably have no time for me), or do you just think that women like them that much? One dead fish photo is okay, but four is going to make me swipe left.

“Let’s say we met at Trader Joe’s”

What you think it says: “I can make you laugh.”
What it actually says: “I’m embarrassed to be on a dating app, so I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure no one finds out.”
Why I swiped left: If you’re willing to lie about how we met, then how do I know you won’t lie to me? It might seem like a little white lie, but I’m looking for someone who’s trustworthy.

“Digital nomad”

What you think it says: “I’m spontaneous and adventurous. I’ll be your Aladdin and show you the world.”
What it actually says: “I’m not able to commit to a stable relationship, because my heart is in the Maldives.”
Why I swiped left: If I were in my 20s, the idea of traveling the world with someone on the regular would be perfect. And if they weren’t emotionally ready to commit, I wouldn’t be afraid of wasting time. But in my 30s, I need someone who is ready to settle down. I love to travel just as much as the next girl, but my life doesn’t allow me to book a flight at any moment… and I have to question why yours does.

“Work hard, play harder”

What you think it says: “I know how to balance work life and fun.”
What it actually says: “I work all week and party way too hard on weekends. Oh, and I’m a player, too.”
Why I swiped left: I’m looking for something serious with someone stable. I don’t want someone who says they ‘play’ at all. I don’t need someone who plays with toys, plays games, or plays with other women. No, thank you.

“No drama, please”

What you think it says: “I stay out of situations involving drama.”
What it actually says: “I like to pretend like my exes were all crazy drama queens, but it’s actually me who’s drama.”
Why I swiped left: If you have to mention not wanting drama in your profile, that means you’re a drama magnet. And unlike you, I actually want a drama-free situation. I don’t want to deal with any chaos. I want someone who will bring peace into my world. Next!

“6’2”, because apparently that matters”

What you think it says: “I’m tall enough.”
What it actually says: “I’m passive-aggressive.”
Why I swiped left: You sound bitter as heck in your profile. Also, I’m one of those women who doesn’t care about height. I don’t appreciate the assumption that we all prioritize it above all else.

“Fluent in sarcasm”

What you think it says: “I’ve got witty comebacks that will make you laugh for days.”
What it actually says: “I’m never going to have a serious discussion with you ever.”
Why I swiped left: I love a guy with sarcastic humor. But if you don’t know when it’s appropriate and when it isn’t, we’re going to have issues. If sarcasm is your entire personality, you’re probably not for me.

“My kid will always come first”

What you think it says: “I’m a good dad.”
What it actually says: “I’m never going to prioritize you, and I don’t want you to call me out for it,” or “I’m not emotionally available,” or “I’m still caught up in the baby mama drama.”
Why I swiped left: It should go without saying that your kid should always be a priority to you. The fact that you need to put it on your profile just makes me cringe. It also makes me wonder if you’re only trying to make me believe that you’re a good dad.

The Bottom Line

Honestly? I’m getting tired of swiping on the same phrases in profiles over and over. Your Tinder bio is what sells you to potential significant others, so why not put some thought into it? Be authentic. Instead of using cliche phrases (which might make some women swipe right on past you), why not be yourself?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.