What Your Underwear Says About You

You got lucky!

Many affair hurdles crossed — starting with finding a willing and wanton lady. Ads were posted. Terrific online connection. Pictures exchanged and approved! Sexual health is divulged. And OPSEC is airtight.

You’ve scheduled a hotel meet.

Now you’re freaking out.

It’s not your body as much as your UNDERWEAR.

You’ve got a drawer of plain ol’ cotton tighty whiteys. Nothing fancy. Plain Jane Hanes.

Will she smirk? Laugh?

What kind of briefs will make your junk look good?

Ah, first-world affair problems.

The helpful saints on r/adultery answered:

Black and fitted
CLEAN
No holes
Hot pink lace mini-boy shorts are probably not a good idea
No stretched-out waistband
No banana hammock a la Borat (I’m warning you not to look)
Go commando! Problem solved.
Boxers in a silky material (yes, please)
Under Armour
Nothing with skid marks
Not these
Saxx in Ultra or Vibe (whew…they sound hot!)
The original Calvin Klein in black, navy or dark grey
No stained wife beaters (not technically underwear, but still a turn-off for 99.9% of women who don’t date mobsters or thugs), although my college-age kid says they’ve come back in style. Oy, the state of the world…
Tommy John (I have personal experience with how soft and sexy these are on my man)
No thongs (for straight middle-aged dad-bod men especially)
Shinesty — these are black and glow in the dark! https://www.shinesty.com/products/the-big-bang-constellation-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly

I should be a brand ambassador for Shinesty’s sexy options. “What to wear with a woman who is obviously not your wife.” LOL. My man has a nice selection of their products.

Seriously, there are so many fun options for men’s underwear if you can get away with buying new ones.

BUT MOST GUYS CAN’T.

Don’t do it! Don’t buy a treasure trove of sexy man briefs because your wife will get suspicious! Her antennae will be on high alert. “Why is he suddenly changing his reliable Fruit of the Loom?” Twenty years of marriage and those wife-bought generic briefs were just fine. And now they aren’t?!

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She’s going to be rightfully suspicious.

Wouldn’t you be if the tables were turned?

This is just as much a tell as grooming your nether regions. A trimmed or bare weiner is an arrow to fucking-around-town. Your dear wifey hasn’t touched it in years BUT she would notice if you suddenly changed up your body hair from Sasquatch to next to nothing.

I would strongly advise, “DON’T CHANGE A THING.”

Wear what you usually do. New and different underwear suddenly appearing (see aftershave, cologne, grooming products, manscaping, etc.) are all tell-tale evidence of sex out of network.

“Patience, you must have my young Padawan,” according to Yoda.
Listen to the wise green one (or me).

Play the long game if you want to survive in adultery. This isn’t for the weak. It’s all about planning. Take my Masterclass in Adultery. I can teach you a thing or two.

And tighty-whitey’s will be the least of your problems.

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If you liked this one, read my masterpiece on manscaping:

Manscaping — The Gateway to Cheating
When you groom your privates, you have something to hide
monalisasmiled.medium.com

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I’m a bad influence. You shouldn’t be reading this. Over one million views since I started writing about this “lifestyle.” Being this popular shows that adultery is way more common than you think. You peeps on board with my brand of evil should support me: Patreon and ko-fi. Look me up!

Follow me on substack — [email protected] (It’s free and I’m worth it, motherfucker)

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Here’s another brand (that should be paying me)…https://www.cocksox.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoruD_iONUFw6c3gR4p7efgF2suuI0GwVpY8NUl_Fp1N3Ni0TYaf

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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