Whatever She Needs Me to Be

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Whatever She Needs Me To Be
By David Fetters, Columbus, OH

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I know it sounds a little clichéd, but the second she grabbed my hand in the delivery room, I knew my daughter had me wrapped around her little finger.

I knew I would do anything for her. It was the happiest moment of my life. I began dreaming of all the things I would teach her, not knowing at the time just how much she would teach me.

Since I was the parent at the lower paying job and my work had more flexibility, I pursued and obtained a new part-time position so I could care for her, and we could avoid daycare costs. Being a stay-at-home dad/part-time employee was not a path any of the men in my family had ever followed. It didn’t matter to me. I was not going to let stereotypical gender roles determine how I would raise my child.

I was thrilled with having a daughter, and I had no plans to let other people stop her from pursuing her own dreams no matter what they might turn out to be. It didn’t take long in her life before I needed to step up to that challenge.

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When my daughter was four-years-old, she wanted to be a firefighter for Halloween. Not a traditional little girl’s choice, however, my wife and I were fine with it. She was excited, especially since she was going to a holiday party at her grandparent’s church.

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At one of the craft stations, we came across two little boys dressed up in Lycra superhero outfits. As soon as they saw her costume, they started making fun of her; telling her that because she was a girl, she couldn’t be a firefighter. When I saw tears shimmering in her big brown eyes, I knew I needed to respond quickly.

Realizing I was dealing with five-year-old boys in a patriarchal church where I was not a member, I also knew I needed to temper my response. Their parents, who said nothing to their children, simply smiled. I looked at the parents, then down at the boys. I explained to them she could be a firefighter just like they could be ballet dancers. The parents glared at me, and I simply smiled back. My daughter laughed. When she slipped her hand into mine as we went back to the party, I like to think she squeezed me just a little tighter.

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Later, when my daughter was in first grade, she decided she wanted to join the Girl Scouts. However, when she tried to join the troop, we were told the ratio of adults to children in the troop was already at the maximum permitted level. One of her parents would have to volunteer to be a co-leader of the troop if she wanted to join. Since my wife had no desire to take on that role, the task fell to me.

My personal scouting experience consisted of a torturous six weeks as a Boy Scout when I was twelve-years-old, but for my daughter, I looked into becoming an adult volunteer. Aware of how men in child care environments can be perceived, I gladly gave the Girl Scouts whatever they requested from me: background check, blood and hair samples, drug testing, etc. I even made sure the three references I provided were all non-related women. I was approved, and my daughter was allowed to join.

At scouting events, I was usually the only male in the room. Whenever I received a sexist remark suggesting I shouldn’t be a Girl Scout Leader, I simply told them I had been in Girl Scouts longer than I was in Boy Scouts.

Once, I had to give a presentation in front of the entire Council. I was the only dad in the room and, somehow, my daughter sensed my apprehension. She grabbed my hand and gave me a kiss. I’m not sure I’ve ever been more proud.

My role as a Girl Scout leader and stay-at-home dad hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world, but my daughter and the other girls in the troop accept me as their Cookie Dad.

Together, we are learning you can break through the glass ceiling one fire helmet and one box of cookies at a time. While I know, eventually, she’ll have to fight these battles on her own, I think she knows I’ll always be there to slip my hand into hers and be whatever she needs me to be.

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David Fetters is the dad of a beautiful daughter who manages to teach him every day more about what it means to be a dad. He enjoys being a dad and the many opportunities his daughter provides to explore life together. David and his family reside in Columbus, Ohio.

Hogan Hilling is a nationally recognized and OPRAH approved author of 12 published books. Hilling has appeared on Oprah. He is the creator of the DADLY book series and the “#WeLoveDads” and “#WeLoveMoms” Campaigns, which he will launch in early 2018. He is also the owner of Dad Marketing https://dadmarketingconsulting.wordpress.com/, a first of its kind consultation firm on how to market to dads. He is also the founder of United We Parent, www.unitedweparent.com. Hilling is also the author of the DADLY book series and first of its kind books. The first book is about marketing to dads “DADLY Dollar$” and two coffee table books that feature dads and moms. “DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century” and “Amazing Moms: Parents of the 21st Century.” Hilling is the father of three children and lives in southern California.

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