Everyone changes. Our friends do too.
Just because we’ve shared a thousand adventures doesn’t mean things can’t change one day.
The problem is that we often realize it too late.
The damage is therefore well advanced and cutting ties becomes more complex.
If you have any doubts about one of your friendships, there is probably something harmful at work.
Take the time to review our recommendations to assess the situation and take action .
Remember toxic relationships limit you in your personal development.
You don’t have to limit yourself because of ego or the malice of others. Take action!
1. Know how to open your eyes
It’s hard to realize sometimes that someone isn’t good for you.
So ask yourself some questions.
Do you feel relieved when your friend cancels a date?
Are you the one who always asks for news?
Do you feel judged? Criticized? Unsupported on many occasions by this person?
Are your feelings and emotional state conflicting or disturbed after an encounter?
With this person, things often only go one way, meaning you always give something (a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or even material things)?
There is something fishy going on if you answer yes to many of these questions.
Your friend may be a source of toxicity for you.
Note that these characteristics can also apply to relatives within the family.
It’s not just friends who can be toxic…
2. Don’t stay in the past
Despite being aware of the harm that the other person does to us, or at least of the fact that he or she does not bring us anything positive, it is difficult to act, to accept that relationships can change.
There are always good memories to hold on to.
But the past is past.
There’s no point in holding on. You won’t go back, and it’s time to mourn the loss of the relationship you once had.
To help you with this, you can write a letter to the person concerned.
Say goodbye to him with all the tears you need and then burn this letter or bury it.
You are now emotionally ready to confront this person in real life to stop their harmful effect on you.
Remember that you are the only person you are guaranteed to be around for the rest of your life…
You have to protect yourself, take care of yourself.
3. Confront your own little cowardice
Does this title surprise you, or even annoy you? That’s the idea!
When a relationship isn’t going well, it’s easy to blame one person entirely, but a relationship is about two people at a minimum.
So you are also a bit of an accomplice…
Face the fact that out of comfort, timidity, or laziness, you have allowed the situation to get to this point.
This will allow you to be stronger and fairer when talking to your friend and dot the i’s and cross the t’s.
A structured speech in which you acknowledge your involvement in the current situation will be surprising. You’re unlikely to get a comeback.
4. Act
It’s time to take matters into your own hands.
There are several steps involved… and they depend on what you want to do with this toxic friendship…
Would you like to set the record straight?
Okay… There’s a chance it won’t work, but you can give it a try.
Arrange a meeting in a neutral location.
Make it clear that you want to talk so the other person knows that what’s coming up isn’t necessarily going to be a fun time.
Be clear in what you say:
You are not happy in this friendship.
What are your faults?
What are the things you blame the other for? What attitudes? Be specific.
End with an open conversation about what can be done to improve the situation.
If the other person hasn’t already turned away… Ego is strong and it’s not easy for everyone to hear that someone is causing harm.
Do you just want to get some distance?
It’s simpler!
However, going through step number one of clarity in the relationship can free you and initiate this distance precisely!
Stop responding to messages and calls from the person concerned, or respond once in three.
Limit outings. Let him know that you are not always available.
Say clearly, “I don’t want to spend too much time with you right now; I need to take a step back.”
Do you want to cut ties?
You can also go through steps one and two to create a gradual distance.
If you don’t have the courage, delete numbers and other contacts.
Stop answering numbers you don’t know.
Avoid places you have in common with this person for a while.
If you are not in the same city, the whole process will obviously be easier!
5. Question yourself and evolve
Once the situation is resolved and the relationship is rebalanced or ended.
Take advantage of this moment of crisis to reflect on yourself.
Are you a good friend?
Wouldn’t you be toxic to some people in turn?
Take the time to evaluate your friendships.
Be critical of yourself and correct where you feel imbalances exist before it is too late.
When something negative happens to us, we must be able to turn to the mirror and question ourselves in turn in order to progress.
Be careful not to look for problems where there are none!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: BĀBI on Unsplash
