When (and How) to Move Your Toddler to a Big Kid Bed

Sometimes, it takes courage to be a parent.

It takes courage to face the inevitable and painful birth of that enormous watermelon growing inside of you. It takes courage to spend a few hours away from your baby for the first time ever. It takes courage to trust others, and even more courage to trust yourself and your parenting decisions.

And, as I’ve recently discovered, it takes courage to move your toddler into a big kid bed.

When I had my first baby, I was terrified of the mere mention of moving her out of her crib and into a toddler bed. There’s something so comforting about knowing exactly where your baby is; in her crib, she’s safe, snug and, more importantly, confined in a space that will prevent her from getting into all kinds of trouble.

My biggest fear was ending up on the news because my footie-pyjama-clad toddler wandered her way out of the house and directly into the arms of a predator while I slept peacefully unaware. While she did sometimes run to us from her room in those early days, giggling and clearly delighted by her own deceit, my fears proved to be entirely unwarranted. Generally, she stayed in bed and slept peacefully, and still does to this day.

You would think that with baby #2, I would feel an immense sense of calm. After all, I’ve ridden this rodeo before and must know exactly what to do. I’m a pro.

But my son is not my daughter. Not even a little bit.

My daughter has always had a basic desire to please. She misbehaved, sure — all kids do. It’s a normal part of development. But when she was told “no,” she usually understood that firm negative and stopped whatever she was doing. My son, on the other hand, loves to test his boundaries and doesn’t do as he’s told on the regular. If you tell him to sit on a chair, he will purposely half-sit on it and look at you pointedly, just to see what you will do next. Even just having him hold my hand when we cross the road is like pulling teeth — he’s highly independent and disagreeable, despite being a very loving little boy. I, therefore, assumed that putting him in a big kid bed would be rough, and I held off as long as I possibly could.

Unfortunately, the time to move him to that bed ended up happening much sooner than I could have expected, and no one was prepared.

But don’t worry — this story has a happy ending. Yours can too.

Is Your Toddler Old Enough For a Bed?

I wrote an article about potty training a while ago, and the same rules apply when moving your toddler out of the crib — there’s no perfect age.

But there is an age range.

While some toddlers make the move earlier, most toddlers are settled in their big kid beds between the ages of 18 months and 3 and a half years old.

I waited until my daughter was well over 3 when we made the move and I have zero regrets. She was more comfortable waiting, and we only moved her because we were trying to potty train her and wanted her to be able to get up to go to the bathroom if she needed to.

However, there is a lot more to moving a toddler to a bed than their age. For their safety (and your sanity) it’s helpful to keep an eye out for their signs of readiness first.

Signs

As I said, toddlers are safest in their cribs where (hopefully) they can’t access any outlets, cords, or anything else that could potentially harm them. This supreme level of safety and comfort goes down considerably, however, when certain factors come into play.

Like height, for instance. My kids were both massive, but my son is something else entirely — he’s wearing clothing for 5-year-olds at the age of not-quite-3, and his growth hasn’t really slowed down since his infancy. He’s over 40 inches, which is a lot for a 2-year-old, and his rapid growth has caused issues in many areas of our lives, such as travel (did you know that most pack-n-plays, which are commonly used as travel cribs for babies and toddlers, max out around 30 lbs? My son passed that landmark 10 lbs ago.)

Anyway, the maximum height for most cribs is 35 inches, and I found this out about 5 inches too late. My not-so-little guy is way too tall for his crib and if he chose to climb out, he could seriously injure himself. My concern here was genuine — and warranted.

And just imagine my shock when I walked into the room one night and found him perched on top of his bedding and the mattress that he’d somehow managed to fold up underneath him, where he was launching himself from one end of the crib to the other and having a blast.

Seriously. You can’t make this stuff up.

There are many signs besides height and age to watch for, however. A good sign that your wee babe is ready is if they are potty training, like my daughter was. While that was our main reason for the switch, it didn’t end up mattering one iota because kids can take their sweet time in that department. She was fully potty trained at around the age of 3 and a half, but she was wearing diapers overnight for a lot longer and didn’t start getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night until she was around 7.

Regardless, it was the push we needed.

Another great way to find out if they are ready to move to a big kid bed is to ask. When we were considering moving to a new home, my kids shared a room; my daughter was in the bunk bed and my son was in his crib. We wanted to downsize before we moved and we had a “grown-up bed” for my daughter (a double bed.) We figured we would move our son to the bunk bed and get rid of the crib, so we asked him if he would like that.

He was very clear that he was not ready. At the time he had only just turned two, and he was adamant — he liked his “baby bed.”

Before we moved him this time, we asked him repeatedly if he wanted to move into his big kid bed, and each and every time we received a big, enthusiastic “yes.”

Kids know a lot more than we give them credit for.

To summarize, your toddler will give you some pretty clear signs that they are ready to move to a bed, and here are just a few:

they’re too tall
they’re little Houdinis and have tried to escape the crib
they’re potty training
they tell you they’re ready

Once you figure out that your little one is ready to evacuate the crib, celebrate! And then panic, because you probably will anyway, but don’t worry — there are some very effective ways to make the transition as seamless as possible.

#1 — Find The Right Bed

I don’t know about you, but I think a move from a tiny crib to a monstrous bed is probably a bit much for a toddler.

Most cribs sit pretty low to the ground and are relatively small. To toddlers, the world is so much bigger than it actually is, and that applies to where they sleep. Have you ever visited a house you lived in as a child and realized it was so much smaller than you remembered?

To your little one, the world is enormous.

That’s why I’m a firm believer in toddler beds, or, better yet, convertible cribs. We’ve stuck to the same crib for both of our kids, and it was this convertible one from IKEA:

My babies spent nearly six years in that crib between them, and I’ll always be grateful for that. A convertible crib is great, because you can take off one of the sides when they’re old enough for a toddler bed, and boom — you’re done.

If that’s not in the cards for you (maybe you need the crib for a new baby) then toddler beds are great too. Whatever kind of bed you use, just make sure it’s pretty low to the ground, and if you’re concerned about them falling out, you can attach guard rails. I have personally never felt the need to do this, but I did put a couple of soft pillows along the side, just in case.

More often than not, the pillows weren’t even needed.

#2 — Let Them Have a Say

My son was extremely excited about his Hot Wheels sheets.

He picked them out. He squealed with delight when I told them they were his and it was wonderful because it meant he was embracing this new stage in his life.

It also helped that I allowed him no less than 8 stuffies to keep in his bed, which he was thrilled about. He loves to snuggle his bunnies and his singing whale, so it was a further incentive for him to stay in his bed.

And that’s key.

This was the part that scared me the most — the prospect of a wandering toddler. I wanted to make his bed so great that he wanted to stay there all night, and I was worried that it wouldn’t be enough. Thankfully, we were clear that he could only have his stuffies in bed with him if he stayed in his bed.

And it worked.

#3 — Be Consistent

If there’s anything I’ve learned as a parent, it’s the importance of consistency.

Bedtimes, mealtimes, rules and discipline — these all require consistency to be effective. The same is true for moving your toddler to a big kid bed.

Your bedtime routine should remain exactly the same. Wake-up rules are exactly the same (my son isn’t allowed to get out of bed until I come to get him, just like when he was in his crib.) Keeping everything the same at bedtime is going to help make the transition seamless.

We messed this up a bit with my son, but not when we moved him into his bed — that transition was beautifully smooth. But we, like so many parents, became a little lenient when he got sick a few months ago, and now we’re dealing with a string of new things to do for him each night before he’ll let us go without making a fuss.

It’s slowly getting better, but my point here is this: don’t be me. Stick to your routine and it’s going to go a lot smoother.

And if your toddler comes out of their room repeatedly throughout the night? Be consistent. Take them by the hand, quietly bring them back, tuck them in and be firm. You might do this 67 times in a night, but it will be worth it in the end and your toddler will eventually get the point that just because they can leave their room doesn’t mean they’re allowed to.

Consistency — it’s so important.

Sweet Dreams

Parenting is tough. It’s beautiful, but it’s not easy, and moving your toddler to a bed can stir up emotions that you didn’t know were even there.

The hardest part about this transition for me wasn’t the transition itself, but the loss of my little boy’s “baby” stage. I’ve mourned every loss so far in that respect, and this isn’t going to be the last time I feel that loss. I still miss those middle-of-the-night feedings when my much smaller baby was snuggled so sweetly into my chest, breathing deeply and peacefully in slumber. I miss watching him crawl around and figure out his body and the world around him. I miss the way he used to say “yellow” before he learned the right way to say it.

Parenting is full of those little mourning periods. I know there are many more in my future and my mom-heart will break a little bit each time. But with each break comes a burst of joy as I watch my child thrive. The seemingly tiny step in his childhood of moving out of his crib is so to me.

During this stage, enjoy those moments when your toddler still reaches for you and still needs you, even on the 67th time they’ve left their room. Maybe they’re struggling with the change, too. Maybe it’s huge to them, the way my old backyard was huge through my little-kid eyes.

Be kind to your toddler and show them how patient you can be — it’ll all be over sooner than you’d like. And while you’re at it, be kind to yourself.

Because this transition might be harder on you than it is on your toddler, who will undoubtedly be ready for the change well before you will.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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