Ok, I get it. Maintenance sex sucks.
Actually, I don’t even get maintenance sex. I’d be thrilled with ANY sex. But sex for show is not enjoyable for either party, I understand. So, let me break it down for you:
IT’S PITY SEX.
The “Are you done yet?” kind. Yeah, you know the one.
When reluctance, anxiety, and disgust manifest in the bedroom, you are officially done. One partner is desperate, and the other is indifferent. Not a good combination.
“Maybe this time will be different,” you hope.
NOPE.
It’s not different.
A level down from losing hope is a straight-up annoyance. “You want it again?” “What are you crazy?” “Is sex all you think about?” “Get your mind out of the gutter.” “Didn’t we just have sex?”
My hubby has used every excuse above. Except for the last one because even he can’t remember the last time we did it. Months? Years? Who knows when?
Lovers ask me, “What’s your ‘situation’ at home?”
“Um, nonexistent?”
“Nothing?”
“If I didn’t cheat, I’d never have sex,” I answer. I’d also never get any orgasms that aren’t self-generated.
“How about you?” I ask.
“She lays backward with a blank stare. And if it takes too long, she will ask me if I’m close.”
“Ouch.”
That sucks. “Can you please just hurry up?” is the kiss of a dead bedroom. You are on life support at that point. Perhaps better to pull the plug.
Except jerking off to porn loses its appeal after a thousand times. I think I’ve explored every category on Pornhub and find it less and less appealing. Yet, I need to get off.
Start looking for other options.
Again, I’m telling you as an experienced adulteress.
Sex doesn’t get less critical. Ironically, it seems to get MORE critical as we grow into ourselves. When we finally acknowledge our needs. Then, the disparity between our wants and desires seems like a cruel joke.
Unsatisfying sex is the result.
What’s the solution?
Affairs!
Did you think I was going to give you a legit reason? Ha! I’m on here, writing day after day about adultery, baby. It’s a topic we can all relate to. Ain’t no one spared from this bad boy. We’ve all had our brushes with infidelity.
Find someone to DESIRE you. That’s the ticket.
Cheating sex is hot. It’s a combustible concoction of hormones, illicit thrills, and lust. Nothing better. I wish I could bottle that shit. That’s how fucking good it is. You ought to try it.
So, it’s either awful maintenance sex or blow-your-head-off affair sex. Which would you pick?
I know which one I’d pick.
But you haven’t climbed aboard the adultery express yet. Instead, you want to be “good” and “loyal.”
Well, then it’s starfish pity sex for you with “don’t” starting almost every sentence. “Don’t touch me there,” with their hand pushing you away. Maybe no sex is better in a way. Instead of shoving your sexuality into hiding day after day and year after year.
The dreaded, “noticed it’s been awhile…”
Those words should thrill you, not make you feel worse. Being 100% oblivious to your partner’s sexual needs is not going to work. That makes people look. The kind of looking I do…
Welcome to adultery — the world of insanely hot non-maintenance sex. You’re gonna love it.
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Previously Published on Medium
