My job is temporary right now. There’s no way to know if my Mom’s vision will get worse. And so, I went to my boss. One of those people everyone bitches about.
She spends more time with her kids during work than doing her job. She’s never tried to get to know me but prefers to look at her computer screen during our meetings. I hear the whispering about her almost every day. Two co-workers are leaving over her. But, I thought, maybe she likes me.
My jaw almost dropped.
It became clear to me from that moment that this woman wasn’t interested in helping me. She was only interested in herself. Didn’t offer to make a phone call. Didn’t offer to look over my resume. Instead, she brushed me off. So I swallowed my frustration and went to sit behind my desk. I’d had enough.
. . .Working for other people is always a frustrating experience, but it’s an unfortunate reality in my life right now. There’s not much that can be done about it when I need money.
But I do think for a lot of our lives we sit back and expect the world to sort of take care of us. We want Doctors to fix our bodies and when they have no idea what is happening to us (which is far too often the case), we panic.
Because I don’t know how I became convinced that relying on people was a good idea. It’s manufactured. It’s a result of being pushed through school for 20 years and then being let out into the world with very few practical skills, a damaged self-esteem, anxiety, and an ugly resume. It’s probably also a result of my parents fighting my battles and too much time hiding behind a computer.
I’ve been learning to anoint myself. If nobody is going to help me, I will help myself. If nobody is going to rescue me, I’ll just rescue myself. It’s more empowering than sitting still. I’m fueled by myself and that’s it. I’m learning people are hard to trust because they’ll fail you more than they’ll help you.
But I can trust myself. And right now, that’s saving me.
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This post was previously published on Fit Yourself Club.
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