When Silence Becomes Self-Care in Human Relationships

We co-exist. Nobody exists in isolation. No one is an island.

We have heard these in so many times.

While I was growing up as a young boy. I was able to have the discovery of having passion to teach people like young kids in my community on various subjects especially English language.

I have carried so many students along. Teaching them moral lessons and what behavior is expected of them in our society.

I became very popular and well known for this act. To the extent of being nick name “Famous”.

There was a boy I corrected from a bad habits. He reported me to his grandmother. This was a woman that even appraised me of a well done work for improving on habits and manners of her young boy. She quickly told me angrily to stop touching her kid. The kid in question reported me of flogging instead of cautioning.

I felt like working on him to get moral class is a waste. My energy level dropped instantly.

So I leave him to himself to avoid conflicting.

After some years I found this boy to be in the garage with trouble Teenagers. He smoke weed. He lives the life of trouble makers. I felt so bad and guilty. Though I have been away to later found his new doings.

This is the point: We need encouragement. The people that encourage us really want good for us. You see talking is not easy. Time is a very scarce commodity.

We should not see advise as an insult. My Mother talk to us. When she talk it would look like we have been flogged with a stick. Advise like do not follow the wrong crowd. Do not be over proud in your own eyes. Be humble.

Why on earth would someone call your attention to things and you would quickly go to report it? To the extent of fabricating what you have heard. This is not good. People you are reporting to might take it far. While some may see that something is wrong somewhere with you.

While I was in primary school. If a class teacher flogged me. And I report it to my parents. My parents would accompany me to school to see the school head for reporting. Immediately they leave, the teacher would still flogged me. And there are times my parents would also instruct my teacher to flog me with cane anytime I offended them at home like not reading or washing plate.

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The above can be related to our relationship. Parents should not be too quick to defend their daughters when they did wrong to their partner. If a parents cannot point it clear to their female girl that this thing you did is so wrong. Hence, you need to apologies. Not apologizing is a big issue. By apologizing you have save yourself valuable time that could have been wasted. It’s shows how you value your relationship more than your ego. And you want betterment for the efforts you have put in the friendship.

The society is changing. The dynamics we are in the world is fast. Change is changing. We must change with it. Parenting is a course that both gender need to learn now.

The best time to talk to kids is while they are still kids. The moment they scale through this, correction and amendment would become hard. It is one of the biggest reasons we see adult education becoming so difficult in friendship, relationship and marriage.

A man regardless of his leadership skill cannot change a lady in her 20’s. The preacher’s and the Motivational speakers are just playing with words. Behavior that has become so ingrained can never be change. Even if they change its just for some hours.

I would be so glad in the world where people keep to themselves to have someone that would be encouraging me. To see someone who could talk to me. Encourage me. Coach me like see I want the best for you.

If you feel you can change any adult in this time. You are getting it wrong. May be by their conscious efforts they would might change. For them to change they also need to forgive their past. They would also need to get rid of friends who mislead them with tactical advise. And beside they need to have that open mind to change.

Men who think they would not give up in changing their spouse should rethink it. Someone you have been encouraging for years and she or he is still doing the opposite things.

Considering that you have lot to fix as a man in the family.

Someone like me I have so many passwords on my heads. So many bills to pay. Many projects to execute so that the family would feed appropriately.

Sometimes leaving people that doesn’t want to embrace change is not wickedness. It is called Self care. You might loose yourself in the process. They might rubbish you. They would even place you to their level.

Self care is walking away from every drama. Not because you do not care but simply because you respect boundaries, privacy and differences.

There is something I know. Every adult knows what is right and wrong. They all know what they are doing. They are borrowing artificial knowledge that has to do with deduction. It is about brain versus heart.

When you get tired of talking to your spouse rest. When you see that your partner is twisting your talk and turning it up side down every time. Learn to pause. A partner who uses cry and reporting to justify your advise. It is worth surrender to their tactics.

Of what essence is being together as human when there is no communication? Along side correction. Every conversation that has to do with correction should end with “Thank you” or “Glad you called me attention” And that Thanking and apologizing gives the communication a good remark. Essential communication require leadership. It is the duty of a man to brings leadership to the home. The woman must listen and make use of it. No matter how dull your man his. He still remains the leader of the house.

We need humility as human.

When you are ready for business. Please do let me know.

Let us help the world and no when it is break time.

Truth matters to me…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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