If you, or anyone you know and care about, are in a home situation that is violent, or you fear may become violent call 800–799-SAFE.
This wasn’t a story I was going to talk about, simply because of her job, but I feel that would be doing her an injustice. Clearwater dog mom and patrol officer, Abigail Bieber, 30, was shot and killed by a romantic partner. He was a detective, Daniel Leyden, 31, who then shot and killed himself.
They were on vacation in Anastasia Island, so this actually took place in the company of other people. That’s kind of terrifying, actually. However, we know that statistically, cops abuse their partners at a rate of 50% higher than other career paths of those who domestically abuse.
Hmmm. Someone should probably look into that. That’s not what I’m here to do.
First, I wanted to lead with the domestic violence hotline information. Why? Because when the Tampa Bay Times picked up the story, they picked up a copy that ran the Suicide Hotline information as the header. Pardon me, but fuck you.
This isn’t about a suicidal man. This is about a man who felt it was ok to intimidate and murder a girlfriend and take his own life following. We have seen this story so many times. We’ve seen men murder their girlfriends. We’ve seen abuse turn to murder. Let’s not make it about what this guy did for a living, let’s not pin that badge of honor to someone who really killed his partner. This isn’t theoretical, he really murdered her.
It was said by some colleagues talking with reporters that she was an advocate for child victims, and assisted in domestic abuse aid. I can’t tell you how much it hurt my heart to write that in conjunction with this story.
Please let this push you in your diligence to talk about domestic abuse and get the word out there. It’s never okay. If he pushes you if he yells in your face if he throws things at you. Even if it’s only one time. It’s not ever okay.
Never. It is never okay, even once.
We may be capable of essentially everything that saves self-insemination these days, ladies, but put a 185 lb. angry man on me right now, I’m walking out with an ass whipping. And I have hands. You don’t stand a chance. Don’t let it happen. You’re not going to walk away, no matter what you’re trained to do, no matter how kick-ass you are.
I kick ass, too, but at the end of the day, I’m a chic.
Just stop thinking you can fix it. You can’t. Stop excusing it. There’s never a reason good enough. And stop thinking that if you can just take it this time, things will get better, it won’t be so bad. How many times does it take before you see that he’ll never stop hurting you? He’s always going to hurt you.
Even during the good times, even when it’s not so bad. He will hurt you.
Let’s just let this last woman, this woman much like us, with dogs and a big heart, someone who gave much of themselves to try to save others. Can this be it now?
I think there have been far too many.
I just reran the numbers on my whiteboard for posterity. I was right.
If you are being abused, 1800–799-SAFE in the US. If you’re anywhere else needing help, just email the author. I’ll find a resource for you.
Take care of yourselves, and the women around you. Even if it’s not you today, you really don’t know about tomorrow. It happens to women from every walk of life.
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This post was previously published on Ask A Bitchface.
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