When You Are The Reason Why That Relationship Is Not Working

Finding out that you are the one making a mistake is difficult.

It is so much easier to point the finger at your spouse and escape feeling guilty than it is to claim that you are the one who messed up a good thing.

Relationships require a lot of work, and if you’re maladjusted, self-centered, or insecure, you’re probably not going to make a great partner. When it seems like you only have yourself in mind, how can someone trust you?

Oh, you say, this doesn’t sound like you. Are you certain of that?

But have you asked yourself: “Am I the cause of the issues in my marriage?”

These ten indicators may show that the answer is yes and that you are the one who is at fault for the relationship if you are trying to be honest with yourself.

1. “No” is your default response.

Relationships call for both giving and taking. No matter what the situation, if your default response is negative, you are the problem.

Even if your partner’s request is absurd or excruciatingly bothersome, you should be willing to have the patience to listen to and consider it.

When you love someone, you have to keep an open mind. If yours is closed, your view is likely toxic.

2. You deliberately self-sabotage.

Take a moment to consider why you’re feeling this way if you frequently argue with others and have a disorganized mind. precisely what did your companion do?

You are the one with the issue in this situation if you are self-destructing and creating issues in an otherwise happy relationship.

3. You delegated all of the jobs to your partner.

This holds for all aspects of life, including employment, daily domestic duties, and related responsibilities. It’s simple to be a taker, and you might not even be aware of it.

You’re not in a good relationship if you spend all of your time sitting around expecting your partner to do things for you or bring you things while you never reciprocate. You should think about what you can do to help your partner. At least once each day, make an effort to do something nice and kind, no matter how tiny.

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4. Rather than expressing your emotions, you remain silent.

Putting up a wall between you and your spouse does not make you cool, aloof, or non-confrontational. You become an evil, destructive partner as a result.

Even if you may detest discussing issues, it’s unfortunate. You have no other option if you’re in a relationship. I don’t want to talk about it, but you can’t just say that.”

If you’re not being open and instead of hiding in your room, reading, or watching TV to avoid the person you’re dating, you’re the problem here. Nothing gets resolved by ignoring it.

5. You never say you’re sorry.

The key to everlasting love is being able to admit when you’ve done something wrong. If you don’t know how to take responsibility for your actions, you can be sure your relationship will fail.

It’s a sign of maturity to apologize when you’ve done something hurtful. If you can’t even say you’re sorry, maybe you’re not ready for a committed relationship — or any relationship, period.

6. You vent to your friends instead of working things out with your partner.

Pretending everything is fine when you’re with the person you’re dating, only to turn around and talk badly about them behind their back, says a lot more about you than it does about your partner.

Imagine if you found out the person you loved was actively lying to your face and saying vicious things about you to his or her friends. Would you stay in that relationship?

Venting to your friends is normal to a degree, but subjecting them to all of your pent-up rages is extremely unhealthy for everyone involved.

7. You create drama for the thrill of it.

If you’re starting problems because you get off on the drama, that is sick. You might think it keeps the passion alive and the fire hot, but you’re going to burn right through each other and the relationship with immature and damaging behavior like that.

8. You can’t let things go.

Do you find yourself rehashing the same things over and over again with your partner? It’s likely because you have deep-seated insecurities that aren’t being addressed

If you want your relationship to survive, you have to learn how to move on.

Without forgiveness, your relationship will slowly begin to dissolve bit by bit until there is nothing left but two incredibly unhappy people. If you say you’re over something, be over it.

If you’re not over it, discuss those feelings and emotions with your partner to find a workable solution.

9. Your partner is afraid to be honest with you.

Is your partner unable to tell you things without your flying off the handle? Guess what: you are the problem. Your grudges and inability to keep a level head are not due to your partner misbehaving; it’s because you don’t know how to act like an adult.

If your partner doesn’t feel like he or she can be honest with you for fear of being chewed out, he or she will keep those feelings to himself or herself until it blows up in both of your faces and signal the very end of your relationship.

Then you’re both in for a world of hurt.

10. You only try to change others, but are resistant to change yourself.

You and your spouse should develop and learn from one another in relationships. Unconditional acceptance is undoubtedly a component of love, but living, learning, and evolving together is also a healthy and lovely aspect of existence.

Photo by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash

If you go into a relationship expecting to fundamentally alter the other person and refuse to work on improving yourself, you probably have some serious problems and are disillusioned.

You are not flawless. You are not brilliant and faultless. You are poison.

For more relationship nuggets, tips, and advice: medium.com/adeyeyekartob

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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