Mark Manson said in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,
“Happiness lies in the impermanence of your existence.”
The only thing we know for sure is death. Yet we piss in the pants at the thought of it.
People on their deathbeds aren’t afraid of death. They’re full of regrets from working too hard to make money they could never spend. I’d ask Steve Jobs to confirm if he was alive.
What matters is what you do with your time while you’re here.
Every moment of your life takes on greater meaning when you realize your time is limited. You’re suddenly more self-aware and want to feel each moment.
Saying “no” more often is how you do that. The true depth of your experiences isn’t in quantity, it’s in quality.
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Your thoughts are elsewhere when you’re superficial
I know a guy, Oleg, who dates three women.
He told me he’s completely open with them. Every lady suspects he’s got someone else. When they ask, he says “yes”.
His brazen attitude comes from the certainty he can meet new women at the snap of his fingers. When other guys ask him how he does that, he says “Just be yourself” and “Pay them compliments no matter what.”
My friend found a formula that clicks with ladies. It’s more than being yourself. If everyone was nice and polite, we’d all be like Casanovas.
Oleg sticks to his principles. He’s unapologetically himself because he’s not afraid of losing his dates.
The three ladies must be in love with him because they keep dating him. Even if they dump Oleg, he’ll find someone else in a few days.
Oleg is a true alpha male. But there’s a negative side to the story.
He complains about time management. Meeting three women a week on different days is a serious commitment.
Each lady wants attention. They go to parks, restaurants, and theaters before they end up in his place. I don’t know how he remembers what he says to each of them.
Probably he doesn’t care. You see that spark in his eyes when he talks about his adventures.
But when you talk about yourself, he zones out. It’s like he’s already planning his next date.
He’s not at the dinner table with his buddies and he’s not with any of those ladies when he meets them.
That’s not depth.
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Depth gives you a rich spectrum of colors
I choose one partner. My girlfriend Makhabbat does her best to keep me comfortable.
- She’s an amazing cook.
- She gives me time to work on my side hustles.
- She shares my interests and listens to my ramblings about money and investments.
My girlfriend is a gem. So I do my best to make her grow.
Makhabbat posts on Instagram to get clients for astrology consulting. When her posts resonate, she schedules a video call and charges 50 EUR for the session.
She generates great pics using AI. But the text on and below them can be repetitive and bulky.
When Makhabbat shows me her posts, I don’t sugarcoat her work. I tell her she should be more concise and use more power words. I’m not Dostoyevski but two pairs of eyes are better than one.
The result is 20% less text and sometimes a new client.
Criticism feels unusual when you’re used to your followers saying “Great post, love to you!”. It hurts your ego.
Makhabbat doesn’t talk to me for an hour after that. But she makes a conscious effort to accept my feedback when she asks for it.
By being honest with my girlfriend, I opt for depth in our relationship even if my honesty pisses her off.
There’s zero reason to pay her compliments when her text sucks. I know that growth occurs when you produced your best work but got a smackdown.
I don’t have a choice. Makhabbat chose me when we met. I was being myself. Like Oleg, I see no reason to lie.
But I focus on one person. That’s saying “no” to everyone else.
No, ladies don’t chase me. I simply avoid ambiguous situations with other women. Giving my full attention to Makhabbat lets me see the progress we’re both making in the relationship and beyond.
Go for depth if you want to experience the full spectrum of life’s colors.
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The bottom line
Focusing on one person taught me to look for depth in everyday situations. I learned to focus and actually solve one problem. I’m not spreading myself too thin.
You have to immerse yourself in an experience. Otherwise, you come across as superficial and get nothing done.
Say “no” more often.
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Discover the tips on building wealth like the rich in my weekly newsletter ‘Stay Invested’
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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