When You Should Say ‘I Don’t’

You have been swooning for months, years, weeks, whatever. Time rarely exists when you’re in love. It’s all cupcakes and roses day after day.

Isn’t it?

It can be so easy to miss red flags early on in a relationship. We get swept up in the romantic stuff that we tend to miss some of the reality stuff.

Adding a marriage proposal boost us to a whole other fantasy level.

It’s exciting. And you deserve to be 100% excited about this new chapter.

One way to ensure that your excitement doesn’t overshadow your judgement is to get real with yourself. Take a moment and reflect on the relationship.

Check yourself before you wreck your… chances at happily ever after.

Nobody wants to see red flags.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

Recognizing red flags before you walk down that aisle is crucial for ensuring a healthy and stable relationship in the long term. The kind of relationship that you both deserve.

It’s hard sometimes to see the red flags, because we a) don’t want to see them and b) tend to make them yellow by justifying a behavior. We do this because we don’t want to ruin a good thing.

But isn’t it better to have a true thing now than a good thing that turns bad later?

That’s why it’s important to give yourself some time and space to consider the signs in your relationship.

How will you know if it’s a real issue versus something you’re conjuring out of fear?

Pay attention to your body with each of the following signs. Our bodies don’t lie. If you feel uncomfortable on a particular example, that’s something to dig deeper into.

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1. Lack of communication.

If there’s a consistent inability to communicate openly and honestly about important stuff, it could indicate deeper compatibility issues. Ideally, we can tell our partners anything. Whether you feel like you can’t share things or it feels like your partner isn’t being fully open with you, that’s something to dig into further.

2. Controlling behavior.

Whether it’s keeping tabs on your location, choosing who you can spend time with, making decisions without you, or telling what to do and how to do it — this can be a warning sign of future issues. Nobody has the right to control you on any level.

3. Disrespect.

If there’s a pattern of disrespect, such as mocking or depreciating your opinions, disregarding your feelings, or dismissing your boundaries, it’s essential to address it. This type of pattern can evolve into something you may not be able to easily brush off.

4. Dishonesty.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It is a choice to trust our partner, and their actions affect that choice. If there are repeated instances of lying, infidelity, or some type of secrecy that feels icky, it can slowly but surely erode trust and lead to significant problems down the line.

5. Different life goals or values.

This may be obvious when you read it, but many couples skip over the details assuming their partner is on board. Misalignment in fundamental areas, such as career aspirations, financial priorities, or family planning, can create major tension in a marriage. Be clear about the vision for your future before tying that knot.

6. Unresolved conflicts.

Constantly sweeping issues under the rug or avoiding difficult conversations can lead to resentment and emotional distance over time. A conflict is anything that feels like friction either within you as an individual or between you as a couple. Bring it to the surface, talk it out, and settle it. If you can’t, this is a big red flag.

7. Abuse.

Any form of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse should never be tolerated in a relationship. If you’re experiencing abuse in any way, reach out to a trusted source for help and support immediately. Never mind getting married. Get far away from that relationship.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800–799–7233.

There are state-level organizations and resources as well.

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It’s essential to approach marriage with clarity and awareness, acknowledging any red flags and addressing them constructively before making a lifelong commitment.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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