When Your Hero Takes His Own Life

Hero…

I don’t use this word lightly. I use it with the utmost reverence and humility. So when I use it, you know I mean it with all sincerity.

Robin Williams was a hero to me. From his lightning quick stream of consciousness wit and energy, his brilliant improvisational skills, and his Oscar-winning dramatic acting skills – his resume was legendary. And ask Johnny Carson and David Letterman about his numerous appearances on their late-night TV shows. They were always golden.

In my opinion, Robin’s genius was at its peak on an episode of Inside the Actor’s Studio in 2001. That show had a reputation of being a little stodgy and tight. But man oh man did he liven up the energy on his episode.

Do yourself a favor and seek out the YouTube clip of this show where he does like a 7-minute improvised sketch with a simple pink scarf that he borrowed from an audience member. It’s hysterical!

In fact, I have a unique connection with Robin – y’know, other than being a huge fan.

The summer following my freshman year at the University of Alabama, I got a wild idea and took an improvisational acting class. It was one of the more awkward experiences of my life. And 21 years later, it still stays with me.

The class did an exercise where the only instructions were to take the nursery rhyme Little Miss Muffet and make it funny. That was it.

Most of my classmates got up in pairs and they bombed.

Not me!

I got up alone and presented the poem as a breaking news anchor.

“Let’s go live to the tuffet where Miss Muffet joins us live…okay, I’m being told that the spider frightened her away.”

I killed!

At the conclusion of the class, I received the “Robin Williams Award” for that sketch. And I also was coaxed into performing it for the graduation ceremony. My dad saw this, by the way.

In 2014 I was in a library working on my first revisions to Written in the Stone when I got a push notification on my phone that Robin Williams had been found dead. I tried to find out what happened, but I couldn’t. This was before the news of his suicide had come out.

I packed up my belongings, retreated to my car, and proceeded to sob for a solid twenty minutes or longer. His was the first celebrity death I truly grieved.

Williams’ battles with substance abuse and addiction were well known. It’s also well-known that he developed depression after quitting cocaine. He also struggled with alcoholism, which didn’t help the depression.

In fact, he spent time in rehab mere months before his untimely death.

Williams was diagnosed with a form of dementia before he died. This had been misdiagnosed as Parkinson’s. His wife said that brought out severe paranoia.

I don’t know this for certain, but I can only speculate about this. Only the people closest to him knew of his struggles.

Robin’s death was three years ago. But I couldn’t help but reflect on what happen when news broke of musician Chris Cornell’s suicide this past week.

I don’t discount Cornell’s talent and his gift. His music was never my cup of tea. But his passing breaks my heart on several different levels.

Chris battled addiction himself and had gone through rehab for his addiction. In fact, Chris’ wife has said that he didn’t seem depressed and that the passing surprised her as well.

Robin Williams and Chris Cornell are simply two high profile examples of this.

In the United States, men are three to five times more likely to commit suicide than women. Of the women victims, between 72 to 89% of them had contact with a mental health professional in their lifetime. Of the men, typically 41 to 58% have had contact with a mental health professional.

Facts are facts. And here’s my opinion around those facts.

The “Be a man” culture that so many men adhere to is literally killing us.

• Don’t cry.
• Don’t show weakness.
• Don’t tell anyone your problems
• Be strong.
• Be silent.

I could go on and on.

Again, I have no evidence that Chris or Robin’s deaths could have been prevented if they had easier access to mental healthcare. And they may very well have had excellent care.

But for every celebrity who takes his own life, there are many every day men whose deaths could’ve been prevented if they’d had easier access to help and support. From combat veterans returning home from the Middle East, to guys we see every day, men are dying because they don’t get help.

The first step to getting help is asking for it.

Gentlemen, I know we all go through troubles and problems. And I’m not saying that you must call a psychologist, but it can help.

Do you have a trusted friend, sibling, parent, spouse, significant other, the stranger you met at the coffee shop? Can you pick up the phone and call them?

Disconnection is the enemy of the guy in trouble. Nobody needs to face their problems alone!

Remember, no matter how hopeless or desperate your perception may seem, there’s always hope. There’s always a chance.

Remember that while the hill may seem too steep to climb now, never forget that hope and love are out there.

If I can leave you with one thing, it’s this. Hope is abundant and infinite. And it is never weak to ask for help.

As a life and creativity coach, men getting supported and helped when they’re in trouble is a pet topic of mine. My only wish is that this can help to open a dialogue. And that the next Robin Williams, Chris Cornell, the veteran coming home from Afghanistan, or anyone else – that the next – can be prevented.

Let’s take care of each other.

Photo by Andreas Eldh