What excuses do cheaters use on their unsuspecting spouse to launch a divorce?
* The “I’m not happy…” one.
*The “You don’t respect me…” one.
* The “I feel ignored” one.
Trot out that well-worn tune. Cite any flaws you’ve ever had. Bring up old arguments. Be short-tempered and annoyed constantly. Hang onto your phone like it’s a babies security blanket.
YOUR SPOUSE IS CHEATING.
Believe me, I know. I’m an expert. Guffaw. “Oh, not my person,” you exclaim. “He’d NEVER do that!” Ummm, yes he would. I’m here to remind you that infidelity is way more common than you think.
They looked at another person as the “fix.”
You, the hapless shocked partner (who never saw this coming even though you never showed sexual initiative or desire towards your spouse) are left wondering what happened?!
“Did I cause this?” you ask yourself.
Yes and no.
Your spouse is a bastard (like me) and cheated.
And is now gaslighting you into carrying the weight of your failed marriage.
He was unhappy. And maybe you ignored him a few too many times. Or maybe not. Who knows?
Maybe he gave up trying to “fix” his marriage. It was too hard. It won’t work. I know I’ve done my share of giving up. I decided that uphill climb wasn’t worth it.
“Nothing is gonna change,” I’ve thought.
Cheaters love to blame and gaslight. BUT love dies for a lot of reasons.
It takes both people to make a marriage work.
Maybe she’s excellent at playing piñata with sex. “Oh, babe, you just missed when I was horny a few days ago.” Yet if you had tried making a move, it would have been squashed.
She makes every problem, a “you” problem instead of a her or us one.
People fall out of love. Things end. It happens all the time. And it will get worse, much worse before it gets better. Broken marriages are like broken mirrors. You can try to put them back together, but you’ll always see the cracks.
Would you rather hear lame divorce excuses or be in a loveless marriage?
Communication is a two-way street. It shouldn’t be a game of dodging cars going the wrong way trying to kill you.
“What do you want?”
“You should know,” is not the right answer, by the way, in a healthy relationship.
It’s like arguing with a five year old.
BOTTOM LINE IS YOU CAN’T BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
Remember, his infidelity isn’t always about you.
Finding the reason why may never be possible. So it’s best to let it go. You’ll be happier as a result.
I’ll be the one leaving soon. Not because there’s a shinier someone on the horizon, but because I’m tired of being treated poorly. It’s about time I respect myself.
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Previously Published on Medium
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