Who Gets to Take Paternity Leave?

When the stakes are high in professional sports, how do athletes balance their biggest personal milestones with their professional duties?

4x NBA Defensive Player of the Year, Rudy Gobert, faced this problem during the 2024 NBA playoffs.”

In May 2024, the Minnesota Timberwolves Center welcomed his first child.

This should have been a joyful occasion, but there was one minor complication: the Timberwolves were in the middle of a playoff run.

If you don’t know, if you’re playing NBA basketball in May, you have a real opportunity to win a Championship, and seeing how Rudy is one of the best defenders in the league, his team could have used him, especially against 3x MVP Nikola Jokic.

But you only become a first-time dad once, and Rudy didn’t want to miss the birth of his child, so when pressed between being in Minnesota for the birth of his child or being in Denver for the playoffs, he decided to miss Game 2 of the semi-finals matchup against the Denver Nuggets.

Great, right? Family should always come first, with no exceptions!

By all accounts, the Timberwolves players and organization as a whole supported Gobert.

Unfortunately, there were a number of loud voices who thought there was no way Rudy should miss a game of this magnitude, none louder than former All-NBA guard, five-time dad, and host of the Podcast Gil’s Arena, Gilbert Arenas.

On his podcast, he said, “It’s a baby, bro, it’s going to be there when you get back, we hope. I’m just saying, the baby, whatever you think you about to do, he going to be asleep.”

That’s certainly a take, and he wasn’t alone in his sentiment.

Ultimately, the conversation around Gobert’s fatherhood skipped past the congratulatory stage and went directly toward judging his first move as a dad, to which Gobert responded, “Other people’s opinion, I could care less, to be honest. Everyone’s got a different definition of what being a father is.”

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

The entire conversation about paternity leave comes at an interesting time in America because, on the one hand, dads are trying to be more involved with their families than ever, at least in modern history. However, there’s still an element of men and even women who still think your work should always come first.

In Gobert’s case, he had teammates, a coaching staff, an entire organization, and the entire state of Minnesota counting on him to perform. This is a franchise that has never won an NBA championship and hasn’t been to the Western Conference Finals in two decades.

Given the magnitude of his role, should Gobert have skipped the birth of his first child to attend Game 2 of the Western Conference Semi-Finals?

To some, it’s a complicated question tied to our historical view of dads in the delivery room, our lack of available paternity leave resources, the pressures to place work above everything else, and our views on masculinity.

…

When I became a dad, I took 3 weeks of paternity leave. What I actually meant is I took 3 weeks of sick leave. I maxed it out because my company, a multi-million dollar organization, didn’t have paid paternity leave available for me.

I could have taken a week unpaid and then worked with the state of California to get about 60% paid through the state and then made up the other 40% with my accrued leave, but everything was so confusing, and the best part is I worked in the HR department.

Ultimately, I’m so glad I took my three weeks off because simply being there for those 21 days felt monumental. Not to mention, we binge-watched Suits, and I think I saw every single event in the 2016 Olympics.

When my second daughter was born, I was at another company that, at this time, did have paid paternity leave, and this time, I took 6 weeks off, which was fully paid by the company.

The process was so much easier, and while I felt I had colleagues the first time around, I felt I had a company that supported me the second time around. It was a big shift.

Some places offer paid family leave, while many companies don’t, and in my case, I was lucky enough to get that 6 weeks with my second daughter, although that’s certainly not the case for everyone.

I’ll never forget that we had janitorial staff contracted to work on our sites. The distinction is critical because these employees were not eligible for paternity leave as their company didn’t have it.

I say all this because one day, I saw the janitorial staff setting up balloons in the cafeteria. I quickly found out they were hosting a baby shower for an employee who had given birth to her baby five days earlier and was already back at work.

I know this employee and Rudy Gobert are on entirely different spectrums in this scenario. Professional athletes face a ton of pressure to prioritize their careers, especially during critical moments like playoffs.

As a reference, Gobert was paid $41m to play during the 2023–24 season. As you can imagine, Gobert’s decision to attend his child’s birth over a playoff game challenges traditional expectations, not to mention it’s tough to have a conversation like this without at least acknowledging his salary.

Regardless of what you may think, while talking about his experience,

Gobert said…

“This is one thing I decided I was never going to miss in my life,” Gobert told FOX Sports. “I love this game. I dedicated my whole life to this game. But this is one thing that is above that. And that’s being there for the birth of my child. I think everyone in this locker room understands that.”

While Gobert made the best decision for him and his family, not everybody was on board with his choice to miss a playoff game.

I already mentioned what Gilbert Arenas had to say, but there was another NBA podcaster who also took issue with Gobert choosing his family over a game.

The Golden State Warriors Draymond Green said, “I just felt like — I’m a father of four. I love my kids and I love my wife. But she’s going to have to hold off for me just a few more hours for a playoff game.”

Besides the fact that women can’t just hold off on having a baby, I feel like it’s important to note that earlier that season, Draymond Green was suspended five games for choking Rudy Gobert one minute into a game between their two teams.

A Look at the Number

Today, about 66% of men take paternity leave, leaving north of 30% of men who don’t. This is actually a step in the right direction, as only 7.5% of men took paternity leave in 1975.

While 2/3 of all dads take paternity leave, let’s put the confetti away because the average amount of time men take for leave is only one week.

Imagine watching the 1st episode of NBC’s The Voice on a Monday night and returning to work before episode 2 even airs. That’s not right.

Paternity leave is not a vacation and anyone who says it is either lying or having their partner do all of the work. Paternity leave is about

Getting to know your baby in the first moments of their life. You’re setting a foundation from your voice to your care. They won’t remember you being there, but they will remember the love and feeling of security around you.

It’s about setting your family up for success by making sure your partner has the physical and emotional support to keep going through this season.

The lens at which too many people view paternity leave is so small that there is only room to ask, “Well, if there’s nothing I can do, then what’s the point?”

The point is that dads can do so much more than society gives us credit for, and quite frankly, we shouldn’t need credit in the first place to do our jobs.

Rudy Gobert made a choice highlighting a shift towards valuing his family over his professional life. Again, the man has privileges that most don’t have, which is why it would be easy for someone in his position to say, “Hey babe, go do your thing, and I’ll get there when I can.”

Not everyone is going to understand his decision, and that’s okay. It’s important for people, even multi-millionaire athletes, to feel comfortable with their family decisions.

…

This article is an expert from my podcast, Courtside Forever, created for parents trying to stay present, especially in the chaos of everyday life. You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Podcasts.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***