Are you a good man everywhere you go?
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A single buddy of mine, Scott, was whining the other day that he has had his fill of women who don’t appreciate what a good man he is. He’s been single for a few years now and is convinced that women prefer bad boys to good ones, he being the quintessential nice guy. His latest disaster was a two-month relationship with a woman from China. As he went on and on, with his nice-guys-finish-last story, the details began to paint more of a picture about cultural differences, which left me curious. Perhaps, what makes a good American man isn’t what makes a good Chinese man.
A lot of characteristics make up an individual: personality, temperament, beliefs, and character. Arguably, what differentiates a man of good character from a man of bad character would be his values. And so this got me wondering, do other countries hold their men to the same standards we Americans have placed on our guys? To figure that out, I did a little research, and it confirmed my suspicions. Different countries hold different values as desirable.
Food for thought as our globe continues to shrink, and all cultures continue to blend.
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Obviously, my research wasn’t based on science but on a cross-section of articles that seems to have similar findings. Although it can be dangerous to make generalizations about groups of people, it is sometimes necessary to make general observations about cultures so we may understand them better. Following is the seeming consensus as to the most highly regarded values a man should possess by country.
A Good Man is…
- UNITED STATES:
Assertive, Confident, Resilient, Industrious, Respectful, Ambitious, Honest, Centered, Generous, and Loyal - INDIA:
Committed, Concerned, Cautious, Intellectually Curious, Linguistically Witty, Endearingly awkward, Quick to laugh, Slow to anger. - FRANCE:
Intellectual, Logical, Strong yet sensitive, Critical, Witty sense of humor, Future-oriented, Brave, Romantic, and Philosophical - CHINA:
Modest, Educated, Humble, Sincere, Dutiful, Honest, Practical, Understanding, Tolerant - SPAIN:
Happy, Polite, Loyal, Funny, Laid-back, Social, Friendly, Warm, Affectionate, and Vivacious - JAPAN:
Attentive, Kind, Wise, Clever, Polite, Hard-working, Generous, and Responsible - CANADA:
Polite, Easy-going, Realistic, Diplomatic, Fair, Open-minded, Flexible, Creative, Intelligent, and Friendly
Let’s look back to my friend. He is a hard-working landscaper who, through self-promotion, created his business with little more than a high school diploma and a fighting spirit. Looking at the list above, I guess his character reflects typical American values. But this girl was Chinese. Scott would score low in modesty, education, and humility. Maybe that was enough of a deficit in the character traits she wants in her man. In fact, she may have been put off by Scott’s assertive nature.
A whole host of reasons could account for this particular girl leaving Scott; maybe he wasn’t enough of a “bad boy”, we’ll never know. One thing is for sure though; it’s been eye-opening to see that what makes a man “good” could vary according to culture as well as individual preference. Food for thought as our globe continues to shrink, and all cultures continue to blend.
Photo Credit: JD Hancock/flickr
Jules, Satan doesn’t want the Koch Brothers in his place because they would overthrow him. College education is too expensive in the USA and many American students are going to countries like Germany where the education is free or affordable. The USA used to have free college education until Ronald Reagan eliminate as governor of California and since then many Republican governors have cut back on funding college. Many of those immigrants or children of immigrants are rich or children of rich parents where they can afford an education and American colleges are turning their backs on the American kids.… Read more »
G and Jules, I appreciate the passion you guys have about American values and it seems you want similar things but see it all so differently. If there could be just an agreement to disagree, this conversation doesn’t have to escalate into where you start to attack each other personally.
It’s not necessary to veer off into politics, even though it’s quite easy to do so when thinking of values. So many other forums are devoted to that subject.
~ Jennie
Great article Jennie…..and I also want to applaud all that are a part of this discussion. I see SO MANY of these get ugly. Those of you that had disagreements, I believe, did so respectfully. I really appreciate that!!!
Thanks Joe, and I agree and am pleased that there can be discussion without character assassination.
I see it’s gone off a bit into the political realm, which really takes away from the point of my article, but everyone is disagreeing rather civilly and that’s wonderful!
~ Jennie
I think your theory about your friend’s story is likely true. I have a number of friends and family members who spent several years living in Asia at various points in their lives, and there seem to be several common threads throughout their experiences: 1) The gap between Western and Eastern cultures, while by no means insurmountable, is greater than it appears. (Without even getting into the cultures of specific nationalities/ethnicities) 2) Even among demographics that share a belief in basic gender equality, there can be a considerable difference in how gender roles are perceived. It too, is possible to… Read more »
Thanks, David. I like your tone. Yes, it’s possible to bridge the many gaps involved in cultural understanding, but it’s perceptions, people don’t realize, that are usually responsible for relationship breakdowns.
What one intends isn’t always the message received…and through no fault of their own. Gender role perception is a great example!
Thanks for contributing to the discussion. I bet you have some incredible stories from your experiences.
Jennie
Hi Jennie This is an interesting topic. As a Norwegian,I dare not describe what we see as good man here. I am not sure and different social groups see see this differently. But to be able to control your anger ..slow to anger is important. And actually also to be sporty . It sounds funny but it is true. A coach potato is not seen as a man with good values. He must be able to cook ,cook well. And be able to share house work but also sporty enough walk all day in the mountains.. Reliable, truth worthy ,… Read more »
Hi Silke,
Your response is appreciated!
Very funny but true about the coach potato.
Thanks for this,
Jennie
@silke,
“…..but also sporty enough walk all day in the mountains” Sounds great! I love the outdoors and the smell of nature….
Do I get to bring a blanket so we can depart from the trail…….(smile)?
Yes Jules.
“Food for thought as our globe continues to shrink, and all cultures continue to blend.” Simply untrue…..There is a LOT of push back in the world today against American culture…Yes, people do like us Americans. But, to say that world cultures are blending is too much of a stretch. We also see the rise of nationalism in the world as a challenge to globalism… We see some of this push back in the form of radical Islam or in the case of China, an attempt to limit exposure to certain Western decadence…. What is interesting is the lack of any… Read more »
🙂
Hi Jules, thank you for your thoughtful response. You’ve made me realize that my viewpoint of cultural blending may come from the fact that I live in New York and it’s really happening here a lot. To say it’s too much of a stretch is something I can’t agree with as I don’t see it as a stretch at all. However, I do wonder if the de-emphasis on intellect and education for the American male is more of a reflection on how the ‘American Dream’ is interpreted. I think as long as so many people continue to experience massive commercial… Read more »
Dear Ms. Friedman:
I agreed that an education does not make you a complete person. From my own experience, too many people with an education act like a bunch of snobs just because they think that they have an one and use their education to enslave other people and denied people an education. If you look at our top American political and business people, their education has not made the world a better place in the last 35 years and are making America a backward country in terms of affordable healthcare, public transportation, free college education, etc.
“If you look at our top American political and business people, their education has not made the world a better place in the last 35 years and are making America a backward country in terms of affordable healthcare, public transportation, free college education, etc.”
Simply untrue G…..How do you think we got the technology boom? Show me a largely uneducated society and I will show you a third world country….
America has the issues it has today due to greed, narcissism, snobbery, and the irresponsibility of America’s new elite (largely Baby Boomers).
No Jules it is true. American workers did the technology boom but then American corporations lay the American workers off and send the jobs overseas or import the foreign labor. I agreed America has become what it is today due to greed, snobbery and narcissism but it is due to American wealthy families’s irresponsibility And yes, the American political and business people have dis-invested from America when you look at 2 trillion dollars of corporate money sitting offshore because the CEOs don’t want to invest in America and would use the money to enrich themselves..
Jules, American corporations, American wealthy people, and the American political and economic leaders have totally dis-invested themselves in American education and do not want an educated workforce. There is a problem where American society do not look upon intellectualism as a thing to be value where in Europe, it is highly valued.
@G,
“Jules, American corporations, American wealthy people, and the American political and economic leaders have totally dis-invested themselves in American education and do not want an educated workforce.”
Nonsense!!!!
More than ever, America needs an educated and skilled workforce to compete in a global world.
It is not nonsense, Jules, it is the truth. Yes America needs a skilled and educated workforce, but the American wealthy people and top political and economic people are not putting their money where their mouth is. The Koch brothers and other business people have taken over the universities and are making the decisions (bad ones I might add) on how our workforce should be.
I don’t think you’re correct at all G. Koch Bros certainly don’t want an uneducated workforce. Besudes, I see your slant as wealthy = Republican and the fact is wealthier folks tend to be Democrat. Your idea is of the noble laborer. The fact is we have no jobs in this country for the unskilled and the undereducated. Those were all shipped of to at least 2nd world countries for exactly that reason. Low wages for low skills. Here the unions wanted high wages got low skills at least in a factory setting, not skilled trades.
Mark. Many Republicans think that poor people = welfare, lazy bums. Corporations have also shipped good paying manufacturing jobs as well. Where is your proof that unions want high wages for low skilled jobs and $7.75 per hour does cut it when it comes to the cost of living considering the fact that the wealthy people and corporations have cut back on wages or have stagnant wages for the last 35 years. Even if you have skilled trades, the wealthy people and corporations are determine keep wages low and they have cut back or eliminate skilled trade programs. There is… Read more »
Mark even if there are more Democrats millionaires than Republicans, they can’t seem to get their action together to act as a political, social, and economic force compare to Republicans millionaires who have right wing think tanks like ALEC to help achieve their goals; otherwise, guys like the Koch Brothers would have never gotten to become a powerful force in this country.
G, Too hell with the Koch brothers!!! Everyday G thousands of people come to this great country of ours and within a few years quickly join the middle class….Why? Because, they expect to be handed zippy!!! They know that if you want to make it and be successful in America you must: 1) get a good education and 2) work hard….. Visit you local public library or community college and see all the immigrants and children of immigrants putting in the effort to better their lives…..You can still get a good education in this country. Opportunity abounds! The last time… Read more »
Great article.
Thank you, G. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
You made my day.
Best,
Jennie
You are welcome Ms. Friedman. I love reading articles about cultural differences around the world. Please write some articles regarding cultural differences regarding men and women.