Why 70% of Romantic Partners Eventually Drift Apart

We often think that the most important factor to stay together in a relationship is romance. But is it true ?

There were numerous study which suggests that people who are very romantic by nature, still suffer from multiple separation or break up in their long term relationship. why ?

The reason could be being romantic with a partner does not mean you feel safe with that person.

In a relationship beyond romance, the most important factor is feeling safe to share your own feeling.

If you are not safe to share your feeling, either you’ll continue in a dead relationship or you’ll eventually break up.

A relationship without feeling safe is not a worth in long run.

Safety means what ?

When you feel safe, it gives you an ability to get intimate with a person.

Many think intimacy is about having sex with your partner.

But in my view, intimacy is much beyond that.

Intimacy is about multiple things together. It is a sum total of emotion, intellectual sharing, ability to share pasts and spiritual thoughts.

Here it is in more details –

Emotional intimacy is the easiness to safely share one’s feelings.
Intellectual intimacy is the easiness to safely sharing one’s ideas.
Historic intimacy refers to safely talk about our pasts.
Spiritual intimacy refers to safely sharing our spiritual beliefs.

When we can do all of these easily with our partners, that give us a strong and safe relationship to look up to.

The beauty of the intimate relationship is that –

Sexual intimacy is not always sex.

If you are married in your long term relationship, then having sex with your wife or husband is not similar to having sex with someone else in an one night stand.

A sudden hook up can give you an instant thrill but having sex with your life partner gives you a deep level of connection that is always missing in a casual hook up.

So, sexual intimacy is not about having sex with anyone and everyone.

Sexual intimacy means safely sharing one’s true sexuality, which could include disclosing one’s private behaviors, thoughts, or past experiences related to sex — and, yes, of course having sex together.

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When this true intimacy is missing the relationship often drift apart in long term and ends into a separation.

So, if you are building a functional relationship, always ask yourself — What are we building together ?

Are we building together where both of us feels safe to each other sharing our emotions and thoughts ?

If the answer is yes, congratulations ! You are working towards a great relationship or marriage together.

If the answer is no, then do not worry.

Either both of you are not meant to be together or you need to work little harder to know each other better and embrace your partner with their negativity.

Love is not always about perfection.

Love is about knowing & accepting your partners negative side as well.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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