Recently, I bit the bait and responded to one of those articles that disparage independent women. It ended up being a lost cause because the author of the article refused to defend his own words, even though I cited them back to him, and, the back and forth took me on a crazy-making journey that I eventually had to bow out from.
It is my opinion that the author deliberately cited inflammatory material to gain viewership.
That said, the author is not alone. Every so often, there are articles or videos on social media that denounce independent women and label them masculine. These come from the same men, who laud foreign women and advocate traveling abroad to get submissive women who are “feminine”.
I decided to collect my thoughts on this topic and put them into an article.
A major reason a woman needs to make her own money is because life is expensive.
Has anyone checked the cost of living these days? It is expensive. Rent is expensive, buying a home is expensive, groceries are expensive, medications are expensive, healthcare is expensive, college is expensive, and daycare is expensive.
There is no real job security and salaries are not rising at the same rate as these other expenses. How many people here come from trust-fund families or are independently wealthy? If you don’t have access to such wealth, you have to, nay need to work, man, woman, any gender.
An adult needs to be able to support him or herself
I’m always confused when these men disparage independent women. How is she supposed to live? These are the same men who insist on going Dutch during dates. How is she supposed to afford those meals or drinks?
Having a partner does not always mean that your financial needs will be met.
I was talking to a married woman some months back and she informed me that people tend to think that a married couple always means extra income but that it’s not necessarily the case. Both she and her husband still have their own clothing bills, he is not going to wear her clothes for example. They also have their own entertainment and individual-specific bills. Their bills did not lessen just because they got married. It got more expensive when the kids came. How many men make enough to support a wife and kids?
Many marriages require a 2-person income.
Also, some partners go the opposite direction and are a drain on finances and can drive you to financial ruin. I’ve read about people whose partners were secretly gamblers, hid massive credit card debt, were spenders, and drove them to bankruptcy.
And, let’s not get started on how divorce affects women. Many women suffer financially when they get divorced. Their household income goes down from about 20% to 40%. I was a personal witness to this during my parent’s breakup. It was hell for a long time.
Having your own money helps remove you from toxic situations.
Whether that means leaving a toxic job, toxic partner, toxic family, toxic friend etc., having your own money gives you options.
In my last relation(shit) I left the home I’d lived in for 8 years because he revealed himself to be a pathological narcissist who was seeing another woman at the same time he was seeing me. In the same building. He eventually moved in with her, but not before subjecting me to some cruel mind games and gaslighting.
I was able to retain my dignity even though it was a very painful situation. Because I am independent, I was able to apartment search, put a deposit down in a luxury apartment, hire movers, and move to said apartment.
Surprisingly, the dirtbag started blowing up my phone once he realized I’d moved away. I never answered. Once ensconced in my new environment, I was finally able to heal. Without having my own money, I’m not sure how I’d have survived that environment.
Bad men use money to control and abuse women.
To be fair, any person of any gender who is of a disordered character can use money to abuse anyone of any gender, however, since I’m writing from a heterosexual perspective, I will be focusing on heterosexual men.
In story after story, documentary after documentary about terrible men who abused women, the common denominator was that these men had lots of money. They used the power and influence obtained from having that money to subject hundreds if not thousands of women to perverted and dehumanizing behavior.
Dating a rich man is not always a flex and you need to understand their playbook if you decide to play in that pond.
Having your own money allows you to indulge in nice things.
When you have money, you can treat yourself, whether it’s by indulging in a gourmet meal once in a while or affording travel to a dream location. Your budget would obviously determine how much of an indulgence you can make.
It also ensures that you are not easily impressed or swayed by people who flash nice things before you, either to make you jealous or to manipulate you into a certain behavior. You have your own money and can afford either those things or other nice things.
There is a certain type of dignity that comes from making your own money
You are not dependent and you’ve proven to yourself that you can “make” money. That knowledge gives you confidence. It results in you carrying yourself differently. You don’t walk around giving “beggar” energy. You walk around with assurance and people recognize that.
Now these reasons will not apply to women who are married to or partnered with men who are true providers, meaning they are generous and don’t hold money over women or men who provide psychological safety or men from cultures that encourage taking care of a woman while also respecting her efforts as valuable and men who are not intimidated when women make more than them.
Men who disparage independent women give off insecure energy and a fundamental lack of understanding of how the world works today. They want to go back to a world that does not exist rather than rise to meet the conditions of the present, expensive reality.
They also fail to see the hypocrisy of using their financial status to snag a woman in a poorer country. They cannot see that the reason they belittle independent women here is because she won’t be easily impressed by just his money.
He would need to bring other things to the table.
Lastly, such men give off controlling vibes because why is an independent woman threatening to you? Why can’t you be happy that your partner is an equal financial contributor? Why are you only comfortable if a woman is less than you?
Independent women are not going anywhere. Today’s world demands this and men who cannot adapt to this, can continue to travel to foreign countries and marry their women. Just stop belittling independent women in the process and hope that whoever you select is marrying you for true love.
Previously Published on Medium
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