Timing doesn’t matter when you’re with the right person, guys. It’s someone whose journey you can’t wait to join.
We’ve probably all been there, or somewhere close at least, where the reality and timing of life has plonked its unwanted rear end right smack in the middle of your potential relationship, forcing you to give up on each other before you’ve even had chance to make it work.
Timing is everything, right?
What a load of bullsh*t.
Most of us have a plan. Whether that be a 10-year plan, which eventually involves marrying the man or woman of your dreams, popping out a few kids and a pug called Melon, or five years of focusing on climbing the career ladder with no interest in settling down or hanging up that self-sufficient and single t-shirt until at least 30.
Let’s face it: How many times have we all heard that our 20s are for f*cking up (or just f*cking)? You’re old enough to make the right decisions, and young enough to make the wrong ones.
The contentment of being in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom seems far more appealing to most 20-somethings, and who can really blame them? After all, these are our selfish years.
But isn’t the beauty of complete spontaneity, freedom and making plans the fact that we can make, break and adapt them whenever we please?
So what happens when people unexpectedly walk into your life and enrich your spirit, making you laugh and smile more than you ever have, making you feel whole, showing you that happiness can be right here in front of you?
They weren’t part of the plan so they can’t possibly stay, right?
They’ll ruin all we have planned for ourselves if we let them in.
We’ll have no choice but to wave goodbye to our selfish adventures of the future, all those endless drunken nights in cities we can’t remember, those one-night stands in homes we have to sneak out of when the sun comes up.
And what about the nameless friends we won’t meet in the nameless bars we won’t get to go to? Everything will have to change, all because of this one person.
We want to live a life of no regrets, right? We want to travel, say yes to everything, sleep around, explore the world and the people in it, without ties, restrictions and boundaries.
These are your selfish years, you justify to yourself, and the timing is just all wrong.
But who are we really kidding? What happens when you’re lying on your deathbed having never connected with another human being in such a way?
What happens when you’re slamming the door in your husband or wife’s face, asking yourself how you ended up settling for this? What happens when your Tinder runs dry and your Facebook fills up with friends’ marriages, babies and new family homes?
What happens when your parents pass away, having never met their grandchildren or future son- or daughter-in-law?
What are you regretting now? What are we all regretting now? Not adapting our plans, or merely incorporating this person into them?
Let’s be honest: Is it ever really the “right” time? We can plan as much as we want, but nothing ever really goes the way we think it will.
When we were 15, we thought we’d be married by 24. When we were 18, we thought we’d have traveled the world by 24. We’re human, and we adapt to unexpected and undesirable life changes because that’s what keeps the balance and keeps us in control.
So next time you hear someone say, “It was the right person but the wrong time,” give him or her a reality check.
It wasn’t the right person because the right person would have stopped in his or her tracks, picked up that rare jade gemstone and said, “Come on, we’re going on an adventure.”
One in two marriages ends in divorce, and we wonder why.
Perhaps, it has something to do with the fact we spend our 20s avoiding any situation where we could quite possibly be happy, and then we spend our 30s worrying about everyone settling down, but us.
But, it’s okay, because these are our selfish years.
Originally appeared at Daily Elite. Reprinted with permission.
Becky Milburn is a digital journalist who took her Geordie accent and moved to the Big Smoke. She has a cat called G who fetches like a dog, and a love for singing around the camp fire. She is a lover of life, and Prosecco.
Photo credit: Getty Images