Why I Let My Daughter 'Talk Back'

Yep, you read that right. I let my toddler talk back. Trust me, some days I’m just as shocked as you might be. I grew up in a traditional black home. Talking back wasn’t a thought. I assumed when I had kids, I would take the same approach. But, here we are. Here I am, letting my toddler speak her mind.

Here’s why:

1. It’s about the message. So many parents are focused on being “respected” but often miss the message their child is trying to convey. For me, it will always be more important to hear my daughter. I don’t look to her to use the right tone or say the right words. I look to her share her heart.

2. It’s a learning experience. Instead of yelling at her for talking back. I teach her. Did her words hurt me? If so, I discuss that. Could she have said something nicer? If so, we brainstorm ways to say something different. When she expresses her raw emotions, I am able to help her learn ways to effectively express herself without being disrespectful.

3. I’d rather her share her views than stay quiet. I’m looking into the future. When my daughter becomes a teenager I want her to know I value her thoughts even if it comes out wrong. Validation is critical if you’re looking to build an influential relationship.

Too many parents focus on the delivery and not the message. Talking back doesn’t have to be a sign of disrespect. It can be a teaching moment on communication. But, more importantly, it shows your kids that you’re more concerned with what they’re saying and how they feel.

I ditched the traditional approach to parenting to teach my daughter how to effectively express herself and to help confirm her thoughts. So yeah, I let my daughter talk back. And it’s working for us.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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