Over the years, I have found that writing has been very therapeutic for me. This really rang true when I start writing my childhood memoir. The fun memories came first. Those were easy. As I continued for a couple of years, I dug deeper and wrote about things that left me in tears. (Usually in a public place like a coffee shop or the gym.) That’s when I realized how much getting hit as a child truly hurt.
We all want to joke around and say that all a certain generation needs is a good ass whooping and that what’s wrong with them is they’ve had too many timeouts and not enough spankings. For a while, I leaned toward disagreeing with this but not completely. I thought that spankings were appropriate whereas beatings were not. The difference? Beatings are uncontrolled responses to emotion; spankings come from a choice — a choice made by the child knowing the consequences.
Beatings are emotional.
Anger, frustration, helplessness, fear. I can recall getting a beating for each one of these.
To this day I remember the episode of Rosanne when she hit DJ out of anger. That hit home. As a young boy myself, similar in age, I could relate to that painful moment that took place on prime time television. I knew it too well, except there was a slight difference from my experiences. I got to see the regret Rosanne had for acting out and how she apologized to DJ at the end of the episode. My life, however, was not a sitcom.
Spankings come with a warning.
If the child knows ahead of time that getting hit will be the result of a choice they make, then it’s their decision. They are taking that chance, and they know what will happen if they get caught. “If you ever touch daddy’s gun, I will tan your hide. Do you understand?”
In theory, this sounds like it would work, or at least justify hitting your child. But, I think that it might all be bullshit. I am willing to bet that the rational parent who would feel like this would have a hard time following through. Parents who have this temperament and forethought probably aren’t the type to hit their kids.
Why all this talk of hitting children?
When I was writing my memoir, I started to question why anyone would ever hit their child. I could see the permanent damage it had done me. Here I was a grown-ass man in tears due to recalling some of the beatings I took as a child. They still hurt.
Then, just this morning, I awoke from my sleep thinking of all the times my father had slapped my face. I’m not sure if I was dreaming about it and woke up to stop it from happening or what but there I was — a forty-four-year-old man on the verge of tears because of events that took place up to forty years ago. That’s when I realized I will never hit my son.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: David Soto Jr.