Why I’m Giving up Dating in 2022

The apps were bumping over the holidays.

Maybe it was a little bit of loneliness mixed with limited in-person socializing due to Covid and the usual holiday spirit making people flock to talking to strangers on the internet.

I had about five on-going conversations on Hinge. Three that then shifted over to WhatsApp. Two of which dropped off the face of the earth. And one I stopped answering when they sent me a “lovely” photo.

One of the two who stopped messaging was actually disappointing. We’d had a really nice conversation and we moved off the app to make a plan to meet up for a drink.

He left my last message hanging with that blue double tick and my question mark sitting there like waiting for a hive five back that never comes.

By Friday, I was feeling frustrated. I really wanted to do something on Sunday and had no plans! Should I bite the bullet and double text? I asked my brother.

LJ, he said. Why would you want to go on a date with someone who doesn’t even text you back? Don’t you want someone who is going to be excited about planning a date with you?

At first, I felt frustrated. My brother is in a happy, five-year long relationship, soon-to-be married, and he hasn’t been alone for much of his life at all.

He doesn’t get it, I thought.

I wanted to defend this man I barely knew and explain that maybe he got busy. Maybe he’s nervous to ask me out. Sometimes people do just forget to answer a message.

But then I thought about what he said—am I really so desperate to meet someone I’m willing to sacrifice some of my base needs in a partner?

Did I even really want to go on a date with this guy, or did I want to go on a date, any date.

As 2021 came to a close, I thought a lot about what I want romance-wise in the new year.

I realized that I’ve still got a lot of fears around being single. I realized that though I’ve been on my own before, maybe I need to still spend some time by myself.

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My last relationship affected me pretty bad with a lot of lying and sneaking around, and maybe I’m still working through some of that.

I do want to find love, but maybe it’s not my time just yet.

So instead, I planned a little solo date for myself on Sunday. Order in my favourite takeaway, have a glass of wine, do my nails.

I’ve decided that in 2022, I’m going to give up dating. But I’m not going to close myself off to love, either.

I’m going to live my life, do what I want on my own or with friends, focus on my health and my work, and keep my heart open for connections of all kinds to come my way.

I do think we have to be intentional with dating and put effort in to meet someone, but it has to be when we’re in the right mindset.

They always say you meet someone when you least expect it, so maybe by letting go of control a little, I’ll create space for the right person to come my way.

For now, I’m excited to woo myself this week. I’m excited to fall back in love with my life.

I know that someone who loves themselves is infectious. Maybe my person is out there, doing this exactly with their life right now.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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