Why I’m Not Ok With What My Ex Said About My Breasts

Because only I can teach someone how to treat me.
~ Author, Daughter de Borikén

…

We’ve been here many times before over our nearly three-year romance. A tense conversation about my wanting to hang out at an open-mic poetry event yet again turned into a source of bitterness.

Since he showed up at my house unannounced — and didn’t respond to my text an hour prior — I shouldn’t have been surprised at how it went down last night.

You don’t want me to go to the poetry event because you’re meeting someone else there.

After spending the next 18 minutes reminding Samuel that we are “no longer a couple” and if he wants to join me he must remember we’re just friends, I slowly felt the exasperation creeping over my body.

His insinuation I wanted to “meet others” was code for another man.

“We go through this all the time, but the difference is we’re not together, romantically,” was what I managed to say before offering him to stay for a glass of my specialty homemade ginger-infused lemonade.

He obliged, taking a seat across from me in the dining/living room.

Changing the subject, I began to briefly tell him about the creative writing workshop I gave earlier in the day. It was a big deal for me because it would be the first time I facilitated a poetry writing event.

Then, asking about his day, he spoke briefly of the visitors to his art studio/home.

Finally, we were getting to a calmer place, and I caught myself getting hopeful the evening would turn out smoothly.

Until it happened.

Putting his left hand over his chest, Samuel asked if I was cold. Not understanding where his curiosity came from, I shook my head in the negative.

Because your nipples are quite perky at the moment.

Wait, what just came out of his mouth?

I was livid!!!

Looking him straight in the eyes [as he smiled], I again reminded him that we’re not a couple and “Why do you feel you have a right to say such an inappropriate thing to me?”

Shrugging his shoulders, it was clear he considered I was overreacting.

Within seconds, he got up and said —

I’m not going with you to poetry, I need plenty of rest tonight.

I felt like I was in a soap opera! How could he deduce I wanted to be in his company after such a disrespectful remark?

He left without our usual friendly hug — no warm words. I grabbed my phone to arrange an Uber ride.

The poetry event turned out spectacularly — during open mic, the crowd gave me mad love!

…

When I returned home around 11pm, I saw Samuel had texted me. I ignored his message. I know I made a big mistake thinking we could be just friends.

I also know I should’ve immediately pulled his hand away when, a few days prior, he touched my hair as we hugged goodbye. This only happened once since I broke up with him nearly three months ago.

Now I know better.

Sometimes a former lover needs to remain as such — follow-up friendship is unnecessary.

…

Jajom for reading.

…

Acknowledging the Arawak, the First Peoples of Borikén, on whose unceded lands my work is created. Honor our Indigenous Taíno, Iñeri, and African roots.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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