“Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” – Tina Fey
I think the main thing that separates a king from a peasant is a love and belief in himself. So many of the people I’ve exposed in my Be a King series could certainly benefit from some self-love.
I mean, Kevin Spacey…bruh!
In this piece, I want to present five practices that you can implement into your life to inject your life with a little more self-love.
Before I go all life-hacky again, I was inspired to write this article from two places.
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with the man in the mirror. If you don’t love that man, then you can never show the world the love you have in your heart.
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First, I’m working on this myself. I mean, so many of the articles in this space have been about breakthroughs I’m working on for myself. What’s good for the coach, after all.
Second, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine.
Lauren and I graduated Accomplishment Coaching together earlier in 2017. And I hadn’t heard from her since graduation weekend before she called me last week.
My impression of her when I first met her was how put together she was. Perfect hair, makeup, fashionable clothes, and megawatt smile. I remember thinking “what the hell does she need transformation for? She’s already there.”
Over the course of the year, I saw a dramatic shift in how she showed up. The biggest thing was that she became pregnant with and had her second child over the course of the program year.
As I got to know her – and as we all got to know her – we got to see behind the protective veil. We got to see this beautiful, brilliant soul with a preternatural gift for supporting people to set their lives on fire.
But what sparked this conversation in my head was something she told me.
“I got a minivan.”
Never in a million years did I think she’d ever drive such a mom mobile. But I was wrong. Granted, it sounds like it’s tricked out to within an inch of its life and her girls roll in style! But still!
“I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
To hear those words come out of her mouth with such conviction proves to me that there’s no finish line for transformation. As long as you keep choosing transformation, the only finish line is the grave.
When you drop that wall, the world sees the real you. I saw the real Lauren the other day and I love her more now than I did the first day we met.
Okay, I’ve spoken around this for a few hundred words now. Here are my self-love hacks for your perusal.
Keep in mind, these are what I’m practicing in my own life, so your mileage (or kilometers for the metric Kings out there) may vary.
And this list is fluid. Feel free to add to it with your own practices.
1.Be with your feelings
For men, this can be a tricky one to swallow. Some men prefer to bottle up their feelings until it explodes into a big mess. And I’m certainly in process with this.
Here’s a recent example from my own life. If you’ve been following this column for any period of time, you know I moved from Alabama to New York state early this year. And, to be honest, I don’t have much blood family left. It’s just me, my uncle, and my sister.
I was invited to spend thanksgiving dinner with my dear friend and fellow coach Jason with his family in Passaic. I was really touched by how quickly and completely his family accepted me as one of them.
I had a few moments as I was driving back to Port Chester that got me deep in the feels and a few times after. This weird liquid started leaking from my eyes.
As I’ve said before, feelings are like farts. If you choke them back, they’re just going to make you miserable.
Feelings flatulence.
2.Make time for you
What do I mean by this? What do I mean by make time for you?
Get into a mindset of doing things because you love yourself. Consciously tell yourself “I’m brushing my teeth because I love myself and I don’t want to have cavities.”
It can be that simple.
But making time for yourself could mean waking up ten minutes earlier every day to spend time in meditation or prayer. It could mean journaling your thoughts at the end of a day. It could mean calling a friend and taking a few minutes to simply practice listening.
This could also mean the occasional treat. A deep tissue massage, a trip to a float spa (seriously, that has been such a revelation for me – look it up). It could be anything.
3.Pick something every day that you love about yourself
This one is a revelation for me.
This isn’t an original practice, but it’s been crazy valuable for me. Shoutout to my colleague Laura W. on this one.
I’m taking a self-love challenge for the month of December. Every day, I’m sharing on social media (twitter.com/ryanhallwrites if you want to play along) something about myself I love. It could be as simple as my grey hair or my smile. I’ve done it less than a week and I can already tell it’s making a difference.
Unrelated side note: if you knew how many women named Laura I knew who were coaches, it’d make your head spin.
4.Take care of yourself
How is this different from making time for you?
One word: wellbeing. Are you eating good foods or are you stopping at fast food every day? Are you drinking enough water or are you chugging sodas? Have you eaten a vegetable in the past year? Do you get enough rest?
Y’all, with the holidays about to jump into high gear, this is more important today than ever.
5.Strengthen your relationship
“But I’m single. I don’t have a relationship to strengthen.”
C’mon, have you read nothing I’ve written in the past two years?
I think the main thing that separates a king from a peasant is a love and belief in himself.
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The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with the man in the mirror. If you don’t love that man, then you can never show the world the love you have in your heart.
If you don’t love the man in the mirror, you’ll never really be a king.
See, this isn’t rocket science. This ain’t that deep, yo.
We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like. But if we love ourselves in spite of those things, I guarantee that you’ll live a life with more power and purpose.
Would you like to power up your life with a little more self-love? I would be honored to support you in that.
Email me at [email protected] to set up a sample coaching session.
And now for a quick announcement.
- Do you have a message you want to blast to the world?
- Would you like some coaching support to write a book?
- How about some support from a coach who has written a book and is about to finish his second?
Join me beginning on January 3rd for “Cracking the Code”. This is a webinar followed by two months of coaching to get your project off the ground. And to support you to sound your supportive and barbaric yawp from the roofs of the world. (I’ve always wanted to bring Whitman to the Good Men Project.)
Visit royalheartscoaching.com for more information or to register.
Photo by MattysFlicks