Attention, I’m about to confirm the worst fears and doubts a lot of us have.
But it’s all cool. I’m comfortable about it because what will come after will save many from a long run of heartbreaks, disappointments, and pain.
Now here’s the thing:
Having long-lasting relationships is more than significantly difficult these days than in the previous ages.
This explains why many of us are stuck in some kind of endless litany of messy and short-lived relationships. Even though we all crave to be in the types of relationships that last the longest and stay the strongest.
And this is all thanks to the never-ending pandemic of self-esteem issues, lack of self-awareness, and lack of necessary skills or mindsets that’ll make relationships easier. As a result, a lot of us have resulted to having mindsets and behaviors that make relationships more difficult than they should be.
Hence, having long-lasting relationships now seem like a myth or something that’s just not possible.
The good news, however, is that we can still try to make things easier for ourselves by being mindful of and even avoiding things that make relationships more difficult than they should be.
We Often Think Relationships are Just Cool
Sure, I also did. For years, I kept jumping from one messy, short-lived relationship to another, making each of them an oasis to remedy my general unhappiness in life.
A lot of us are guilty of countlessly being into relationships for the absolute wrong reasons. At the very worse, we seek out relationships because we think they’re cool. Because we don’t want to be all alone by ourselves. And even worst, because our self-worth and value are dependent on whether we are partnered or not.
Instead of seeking out true partnerships that are built on commitment, responsibility, and willingness to be there for each other.
We’ll look around seeing that all our friends are dating, how ‘uncool’ it is to be single, and how pathetic we will come across if we aren’t partnered, we’ll want to be in one.
Hell, We’ll Want To Do Anything To Be In One
I’m not saying that putting in every possible effort to create and be in a functional relationship is bad. After all — relationships require hard work, right?
But how can long-lasting relationships be feasible when out of an excessive need for acceptance and affection, you become nothing but overly needy?
I assure you that a relationship will be another short-lived one if all you do in it is be that clingy and possessive partner. As a result of your unhealthy dependence on your partner. Worse, when you end up being a puppet to a manipulative and controlling partner that’ll use your neediness against you. Here’s another big problem:
The Trouble Of Losing Oneself in a Relationship
If we make the mistake of abandoning our friends, hobbies, and passions for a relationship. Or adopting personalities that aren’t in alignment with ours just to fit in, be accepted, and be liked more. We’ll end up losing ourselves that it’ll be hard to recognize ourselves.
Read that again.
Relationships can be downright difficult to the extent that ending things will be the best option this way. We can’t create healthy, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationships by molding ourselves into something a partner might like.
Hell, it’s unrealistic to expect a relationship where all you do is justify, accommodate, and compromise excessively to be a long-lasting one.
The truth is, losing yourself in a relationship in any way is nothing more than a behavior that reeks of a lack of love for yourself and a lack of knowledge of your self-worth and value.
To enjoy strong and lasting relationships, we need to quit associating sacrificing ourselves (to create a new whole) with putting in the necessary efforts to make relationships work.
When we do, a beautiful thing happens…
We’ll learn to live lives true to ourselves whether we are partnered or not. We’ll hold on to who we are, our friends, passions, and what have you as we won’t see any need to compromise ourselves just to be in a relationship.
And at the end of the day…
Our Relationships Will Last Longer When We Communicate Healthily
And when we are logically and emotionally aware enough to communicate effectively and healthily with our partners, our lives will be much easier.
When we’re able to understand our partners’ love languages, don’t expect our partners to read our minds, and can empathize with our partners when necessary… We’ll stand a better chance of enjoying healthier and long-lasting relationships.
I don’t want to pretend you don’t already know this to be a fact.
That’s why I want to urge you to:
Try to learn how your partner wants to be loved. Avoid bottling up whatever’s upsetting you. And learn to be a good and considerate listener who listens to understand instead of listening to respond.
Because once you know how to communicate effectively with your partner(s), you won’t only develop a strong bond with them easily, but it’ll also be easier to enjoy deep, intimate, satisfying, and long-lasting relationships with them.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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