Men use dating apps as often or even more than women do. But despite putting in more effort, they get fewer matches than women. Why is that?
The answer may be simple: quantity over quality.
Yes, men try as often as women do, but they may not be putting as much thought into the quality of their efforts.
This makes sense when you think about it:
Women are expected to be more socially adept than men, so they’re less likely to just start chatting up someone without knowing much about them first.
On the other hand, though:
Men are generally not expected by society to uphold “feminine” qualities like empathy and communication skills, so they often jump into a romantic interest without much thought, just to get the ball rolling.
What Science Says
A study from researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, analyzed data from 2 million people who had used Tinder or Grindr between October 2013 and February 2015 and found that men were more likely to initiate contact with someone after seeing their profile image on the app — even if their profile said no to meeting up without a “match.”
The researchers also found that men were more likely to send messages after only seeing a few photos of the person they’d matched with in order to gauge personality traits like intelligence and humor.
This seems to point to men having a different approach to dating and picking their romantic interest.
It’s not that they couldn’t get matches as often as women, it’s just that they are terrible at picking matches.
How does this happen?
Men generally tend to be more confident than women. For instance, men are more likely to ask out a female coworker (if office rules allow) or to approach a woman in a club or a bar.
Men are initiators by nature and their innate confidence drives them to do actions. But most times, their actions aren’t well-thought out. In terms of dating, they haven’t figured out what they’re looking for — is it to make a connection or just to get matches?
What Do Men Want?
Despite ongoing stereotypes of men simply wanting friends with benefits, they’re just as likely as women to seek out meaningful relationships.
Men will most likely turn to online dating to find the right person to be with. And when they know they’re ready to settle, they’ll probably do things the way men in the past have always done: pay better attention to the person they’re pursuing.
The key takeaway in all this is that:
For men to get quality matches in dating apps, they need to be selective like women. They need to focus their energy on people that have substance rather than looks.
Do not just pursue for the purpose of pursuing.
The Instagram-worthy pictures and witty quotes won’t be enough anymore. You need to know the person behind the profile and be more proactive in communicating. You want to make sure that the chemistry (and the person) is real before you invest your time and emotions.
Men should become more mindful of the quality of their words and actions to show that their intentions are sincere. Equally important, they should be more observant of the person they’re dating to see if the feelings are mutual.
In short, men should care.
That usually makes all the difference on whether a man finds not just a match, but gets the match for him.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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