Cheating in a relationship can be devastating, but when you’re dating a narcissist, infidelity is often more than just a reflection of personality traits.
In the arm of a narcissist love can feel intoxicating—a whirlwind of charm, passion, and promises whispered like sacred vows
Underneath the surface there’s hunger, not for love, but for adoration—which is a thirst no single soul can quench.
Because they are wired to put their needs and desires over the wellbeing of their partner’s.
This makes them easily prone to cheating and lies. In this article we’ll be exploring reasons narcissists cheat and how they justify their actions and what you can do if you suspect infidelity in your relationship:
1. Need for Constant Validation
Narcissists naturally always crave attention and adoration, just like fire craves for fuel and how all living things always need oxygen for survival.
Even as they are in a relationship they are committed to, they always thirst to go out of their way for external validation.
For this reason, narcissist partners engage in cheating to feel their worth and superiority. And cheating is seen as a medium to feed their ego.
2. Lack of Empathy
The importance of empathy can’t be over emphasized in any relationship. And empathy is the cornerstone of loyalty in every relationship.
Where empathy blooms in the soul of a true lover, the soul of a narcissist, there only exists a desert.
Narcissists lack emotional depth. They don’t consider how their partners will feel about their actions and decisions. They cheat without remorse because they can’t truly understand the emotional pain their actions or decisions cause.
For narcissists, their world revolves around their personal satisfaction, desires, needs and hunger, not their partner’s feelings.
3. The Lure of Newness
Narcissists naturally have a hunger for trying new things. The world easily becomes dull for them when things are regular and stereotyped.
When they start feeling bored, they crave for new things—new faces, new promises, new adoration, and glorification.
For them, cheating or infidelity is not about love, it’s about the rush, the danger, and the ego.
Narcissists have a short attention span for relationships. Once the initial “honeymoon phase” fades out, they are all out to renew it with another partner. If not, they will grow relentless until they seek the excitement somewhere else.
In relationships, for narcissists,cheating provides the thrill of the conquest they are always seeking.
4. Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists believe they are special people and they believe they deserve to be treated specially. This sense of entitlement gives them the belief that they can do anything they want in a love or relationship. They think they can break rules because no rule is binding them. They see themselves as being above societal norms.
To them loyalty is a chain that’s too tight for them to bear, and they loosen it with deceits of the “I deserve more” mentality which make them feel they deserve more attention, admiration, or excitement than just a single partner can provide.
This sense of entitlement makes them see cheating as normal, or as a right rather than a betrayal.
5. Revenge and Punishment
Narcissists can easily feel slighted by criticism, neglect, or rejection. And because of this they may resort to cheating on their partners as a sign of revenge or punishment.
Narcissists don’t only see betrayal or cheating as a tool to satisfy their hunger alone. They also see it as a weapon to punish or revenge and reassert dominance
They feel criticism, perceived neglect and rejection are dents to their ego. For this, their egoistic nature lets them use punishment and revenge as a calculated means to hurt and control, this is often carried out without guilt.
6. The Need to Feel in Control
Being in control is the cornerstone of narcissistic behavior. And they will do everything possible to assert their dominance.
Cheating provides them this form of power over both their partners and their secret lovers.
It allows them to manipulate situations to their own advantage to reinforce their belief of being “special” and hold the upper hand in relationships.
7. The Illusion of Perfection
Not only do narcissists see themselves as special, they also are obsessed with maintaining the sense of perfection, both to them and their partners.
Whenever a narcissist is in a relationship and the relationship shows signs of imperfection—like conflicts or unmet needs or desires, narcissists may cheat to create the fantasy of an ideal life they want.
They believe an affair allows them to “escape” the flaws of the reality in the relationship.
In Conclusion
Cheating to a narcissist is not about love, it’s about ego, control, personal gratification. Their behaviors are driven by the unquenchable hunger for security and control, although usually masked with arrogance and entitlement.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, understanding these things will help you sense infidelity and decide if the relationship aligns with your emotional desires and well-being.
Remember, you deserve a relationship built on trust, respect, openness and mutual understanding.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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