Why People in Happy Relationships Cheat

Many of us believe that love automatically translates to loyalty. We think a happy, committed relationship doesn’t come with betrayal.

The hard truth? Relationships are far more complex than that.

Research has found that infidelity isn’t always a byproduct of an unhappy relationship. Several other factors can drive a person to cheat.

Let’s take a closer look at why people in happy relationships cheat.

They’re Looking For Something New and Exciting

A long-term exclusive relationship can make us feel secure. But that same stability can make some people feel bored in their relationships. Routines can become mundane, and people start looking for something more thrilling.

It doesn’t mean that they don’t love their partner. It just means that they’re looking for an intense emotional high. An affair can feel like an emotional rollercoaster with intense thrills, emotional highs and lows, and unpredictable twists and turns… even if their primary relationship is filled with love.

That adrenaline rush is actually a pretty common reason for cheating. Research has found that about 10% of people report cheating due to boredom. Men are nearly twice as likely as women to cheat for this reason.

They’re Looking for an Ego Boost

Even if the relationship looks happy on the surface, someone can still be battling with self-esteem issues. Over time, compliments may become less common in the relationship, and the spark of excitement of being “chosen” may have diminished.

For some, cheating begins with a flirtatious glance, a text filled with compliments, and the reminder that someone else still finds them attractive. Their ego craves more validation, and soon enough, they’re in a full-on affair.

Even if someone values their partner, the need for validation can lead them to give in to temptation. It’s an extremely common reason people cheat. In fact, one study found that 57% of participants who cheated reported that enhancing their ego and self-esteem was one of their motives.

They Have a Fear of Closeness and Vulnerability

Those with avoidant attachment style fear closeness and proximity. Research has found that they’re significantly more likely to cheat.

And avoidants might cheat because they’re happy. Cheating can be their way to try to gain control of the situation or put distance between themselves and their primary partners by having an affair. The harder they fall for the person they’re in a relationship with, the more likely they may be to cheat.

They’re Self-Sabotaging the Relationship

Some people don’t believe they’re deserving of true love. Being in a happy relationship can cause them to self-sabotage it. Research has found that those who experience emotional abuse, control, and hostility in childhood may have a more difficult time maintaining intimate relationships as adults.

Someone might not think they’re “good enough” for love, or they might be waiting for the ball to drop. Whether knowingly or subconsciously, this may lead them to cheating because they’re trying to sabotage a fulfilling relationship. In this case, a loving relationship is the very reason they cheat.

What Does It Mean For You?

These and other reasons may explain why someone cheats, even despite being in a happy relationship. Keep in mind that while these are potential explanations, it does not excuse cheating. Understanding the “why” can help bring clarity, but it does not justify betrayal.

You deserve security. You deserve stability. You deserve respect.

But you also deserve the truth. And sometimes, the truth can be complicated. Your partner might not be lying when they say they were happy or that they love you, despite cheating. The research shows that people cheat due to numerous reasons, many unrelated to feeling unhappy in a relationship.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.