Why Sinful Judgements Don’t Do Justice to Your Awesomeness

I harbour a monster inside me.

At times I wish her away with the force of my being. At other times I feed her lust. Her lust for pronouncing judgement on those who cross her path. I imagine her to be a stern looking damsel in heels, gravel of judgement poised to strike. She loves to hate & hates to love. I call her Ms. Hyde. She goes “Grrr…judge, judge, judge. Judge ’em till you grudge ‘em.”

Okay. I’m done with the theatrics. So I admit she is a scary bitch who judges me most of all. She is quick to shout down the meek voice in my head that sometimes tells me I am awesome.

When Ms. Hyde puts in an appearance I know she will severe my social ties, faster than my coffee wakes me up.

Now for the truth stronger than a double expresso shot.

All of us have a Ms Hyde living within. Your Ms Hyde may be dormant, hyper- active or just biding her time based on what your beliefs & situation of the moment are.

Let’s flip the view. Why do humans look at fellow humans through the narrow lens of judgement? Why do your friends & acquaintances judge to pigeon- hole you every time you meet?

The judgement makes their life easier

Setting the record straight for added effect. Your actions are not you. Why you do what you do is a complex outcome of the situation, the power you hold, your values & past experiences. Not everything you do is a straight reflection of the kind of person you are. But it is easier for the world to judge you by your acts. It gives others a lot less to grapple with when they can pigeonhole you.

They want something you have

For a long time, I wondered how Uncle Trump sleeps at night. Or Kim Kardashian steps out for a stroll. These are some of the most judged humans on earth! What I mean is, I let myself be affected by others judgement of me. I realise now that their judgement has very little to do with me. It’s all about how they perceive themselves.

Part of existing in the human condition is being prone to feelings of inadequacy & insecurity. Those who judge are caught up in the belief that good things are available only in finite quantities. In coaching we love fancy terms. So we say such people have a fixed mindset as opposed to a growth mindset.

Those who judge believe that there is a finite available quantity of money, love, talent or anything else they desire. When they see others having what they would like to have, insecurity propels them to judge. When they judge others as having obtained their money/ talent/ love by unfair means it makes them feel better about themselves. The mindset obviously does not work to their advantage. Those who judge fail to see that their Ms. Hyde makes them victims who feel terrible about themselves. They end up feeling they can’t own anything that wasn’t stolen from someone else.

They want to feel better than you in the social hierarchy

Society is a rank & file institution. We perceive people as either being ahead of us in the ladder or below. Judgement can spring from too much emphasis on social hierarchy. Those who judge you are trying to classify you using yardsticks like wealth, social status, looks, weight, intelligence or other metrics.

Modern human lives are structured to fuel judgments.

The personal & social dynamics that fuel the inner Ms Hyde further?

Low self worth

Those who lack self worth are critical of themselves. So they are critical of others.

Materialism

When life is about acquiring stuff we resent those who have more than we do or those who seem happy with less than we do. We tend to judge them to feel good about ourselves.

Patriarchy

The damages this has done! It forces us women to invent ways to be in men’s favour. Rather than stand up for our sisters we judge them. We believe that our judgement will pull other women below & prop us up on the social ladder just below the privileged men.

Why do we continue to judge women more harshly? (thenationalnews.com)

Tight family bonds

Surprised? In Asian societies family is important. That makes us Asian home bodies draw ‘us vs them’ lines. We accept our own, flaws & all. This does not mean that we overlook their flaws, it just means we wish to conceal them. Because we do that, we tend to judge outsiders harshly. It makes us feel good.

Judgement is a dragon that feasts on its own tail.

The universal truth remains that you invite the judgemental forces into your life. Every time you shit on yourself, you are opening yourself up to others’ harsh judgement. Those who judge are unaware that real power comes from kindness & acceptance.

It comes from ethical living & accepting while at the same time working on our ethical flaws.

I write more for my email list on the conditions that make us more human & how ethics can help us navigate them better. My writing is specifically for women. If you wish to subscribe to my email list check it out here: https://theethicalbadass.substack.com/

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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