Why Taking Something Away Adds Something Else

It turns out that we may be going about solving the problem in the “wrong way” by thinking of all the ways to add sexiness to a situation rather than removing the elements that are turning us off. This is because everyone has moments when they are not as aroused as they would want to be, whether it be emotionally or physically.

In the following, we will examine some of the hypotheses that have been proposed on the mechanisms by which our brains produce sexual responses, as eloquently articulated.

What Exactly Is Desire?
When we talk about desire, what we are actually discussing is the sexual response system that your body has. It is regulated by your central nervous system, and it may be regarded of as a balancing act between activations and inhibitions. Dr Nagoski compares it to the concept of ‘gas and brakes’.[

When it comes down to it, activations are all the attractive aspects of a scenario that make you feel excited, while inhibitions are everything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Activations (Sexual Excitation Systems — SES) and inhibitions (Sexual Inhibition Systems — SIS) are the two categories that make up the Dual Control Model. This model is based on the concept of classifying everything about a scenario into these two categories.

What are some examples of SES that you can give?
It is possible for the things that are likely to ‘switch on’ the gas to be evident, such as a pleasurable sexual contact such as kissing, but it is also possible for them to be things that you respond to without even considering it. Whether it be the scent of your partner’s perfume or the sight of them wearing a seductive clothing, it could be anything. The novelty of a new sexual circumstance or even the heightened emotional sentiments that arise when your spouse makes a great gesture are both potential causes of this phenomenon. Moreover, memories have the potential to function as a powerful SES; after all, our brain is the most significant sexual organ in our bodies!

There is no doubt that not everyone possesses the same activations. In the case of a kinky individual, for instance, the sight of rope would be enough to get them on, yet someone who is not into bondage might not be.

Several examples of SIS.
Your mind may immediately go to the “opposites” of the turn ons listed above when you think of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). However, there are a lot of other factors that might pull us out of the mood, such as marital conflicts, concerns with body image, feelings of sadness or anxiety, anxieties about sexually transmitted infections (STIs), injury or perceived damage to one’s ego, etc.

Again, it is essential to keep in mind that these may not be enough to turn off every individual; some individuals utilise sexual activity as a means of coping with some of the aforementioned issues, and it is noteworthy to note that 10–20 percent of people find that stress actually enhances desire.

Why is it so important to have such a deep understanding of desire?
Many persons who are having problems with desire (either their own or their partner’s) will focus on “adding gas” rather than “removing brakes,” which is surprisingly found to be typically less successful. This is something that Dr Nagoski has discovered from her own experiences as a couple’s sex therapist.
Therefore, the next time you get the sensation that your desire is waning, rather of assuming that the cure rests in seductive costumes or drugs, take a minute to think about your general well-being and what potential obstacles to enjoyment could be present in your life.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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