Why We Run From Love

Have you ever found yourself pulling away from someone who genuinely cares for you?

Maybe they smile warmly when you walk into the room, ask about your day, or express how much they enjoy spending time with you. Instead of feeling comforted, you feel uneasy, maybe even nauseous.

You might start to distance yourself, even though deep down, you crave connection. This confusing behavior isn’t as strange as it seems. In fact, it’s a natural response rooted in our past experiences, especially when it comes to love and affection.

To understand why this happens, let’s start with an unusual but helpful analogy: food.

Imagine someone who grew up in a place where food was scarce. They learned to survive on very little, adapting to a life where abundance was just a dream.

Now, imagine this person is suddenly presented with a feast, a table overflowing with rich, delicious dishes. You’d think they’d dive right in, right? But often, the opposite happens. Their body, used to scarcity, can’t handle the richness. The sight of so much food might even make them feel sick.

This is similar to what happens in relationships. For some of us, love and affection were in short supply growing up. We learned to live without much emotional nourishment, and over time, we adapted to needing very little.

So, when someone comes along offering an abundance of love, it can feel overwhelming. Their kindness might feel suffocating instead of comforting.

Their desire to spend time with us might feel like a trap rather than a gift.

And their compliments? Instead of making us feel good, they might make us feel inadequate.

Why Does Love Feel Overwhelming?

The discomfort we feel in the face of love isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with us. It’s a reflection of our past. If we grew up in an environment where affection was rare, we learned to protect ourselves by not needing much.

When love finally comes our way, it’s like that feast after a lifetime of hunger, our emotional “digestive system” isn’t ready to handle it.

For example, when a partner wants to spend every evening together, it might feel like too much too soon. Or when they express admiration, we might doubt their sincerity or feel unworthy of their praise.

These reactions aren’t about the other person, they’re about us. They’re a sign that we’re carrying the legacy of emotional deprivation.

The Role of Emotional Scarcity

Growing up in a household where affection was rationed teaches us to want very little from others. We learn to survive on crumbs of love, and when someone offers us the whole loaf, it can feel like too much to handle.

This isn’t because we don’t want love, it’s because we’re not used to it.

Think of it like this: if you’ve only ever eaten tiny meals, a large, rich dinner might make you feel sick.

Similarly, if you’ve only ever experienced small doses of affection, a flood of love can feel overwhelming. It’s not that the love is bad, it’s just that we’re not used to it.

How to Navigate Emotional Overwhelm

The first step in dealing with this kind of emotional avoidance is understanding where it comes from. It’s not a sign of being broken or flawed. It’s simply the result of a childhood where love was scarce.

Once we recognize this, we can start to explain it to our partners, and to ourselves.

For example, we might say, “I really care about you, but I need to take things slow. Too much affection all at once feels overwhelming for me.”

This isn’t about rejecting love, it’s about learning to accept it in a way that feels safe.

The Importance of Small Doses

For those of us who grew up with emotional scarcity, love is best served in small doses. Too many hugs, too many compliments, or too much time together can feel like too much too soon. Instead, we need to take love in slowly, like sipping from a teaspoon.

This doesn’t mean we don’t want love, it just means we need time to adjust. Over time, as we grow more comfortable with affection, we might find that we can handle more. But in the beginning, it’s okay to ask for space and to take things at our own pace.

Moving Beyond Emotional Avoidance

Understanding why we feel overwhelmed by love is the first step toward healing. When we recognize that our reactions are rooted in our past, we can start to let go of the shame and guilt that often come with them. We can also help our partners understand that our need for space isn’t about them — it’s about us.

Over time, as we grow more comfortable with love, we might find that we no longer need to protect ourselves so fiercely. We might even discover that we can handle and enjoy the abundance of love that comes our way.

The Journey Toward Emotional Freedom

Learning to accept love isn’t easy, especially when we’ve spent so much of our lives without it. But with time and patience, we can learn to let down our guard and embrace the warmth and affection we’ve always wanted.

It’s important to remember that this journey isn’t about forcing ourselves to accept more love than we can handle. It’s about learning to take love in at our own pace, in a way that feels safe and comfortable. And as we do, we might find that love isn’t something to fear, it’s something to cherish.

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Running from love when it’s offered isn’t a sign of weakness or fear, it’s a sign that we’ve been hurt in the past. But by understanding where our reactions come from, we can start to heal and open ourselves up to the love we deserve.

So, if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by affection, remember: it’s okay to take things slow. Love isn’t a race, it’s a journey. And with time, patience, and understanding, we can learn to embrace it fully.

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By exploring the roots of our emotional avoidance, we can begin to understand why love feels so overwhelming and how to navigate it in a way that feels safe and fulfilling. Whether you’re the one pulling away or the one offering love, remember, understanding and patience are the keys to building a deeper, more meaningful connection.

Thank you for reading 🌼

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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