It’s not just your heart that’s at risk when you get into the wrong relationship.
Your purpose is too!
Now, if living out your purpose isn’t important to you, you can skip this article!
But if you understand that your purpose is the thing you were uniquely gifted and created to do — something that no one else on the planet can do, even if they share the same gifts and talents as you — this is for you!
First, let me remind you that you are a unique, one-of-a-kind creation, and not one of the other 7 billion people on the planet can uniquely operate your gift the way you can.
That’s right! You’re amazing, which is why you can’t go picking intimate partners all willy-nilly!
The wrong relationship can distract, delay, or even deny you the experience of fulfilling your purpose and being the unique gift to the world you were created to be.
On top of that, you will miss out on an abundance of benefits like experiencing passion, peace, joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment, which all come from operating in and living out your purpose.
But there’s a problem!
Too often we believe fulfillment is what we experience as a result of relationships. And so, we often end up looking for relationships to give us what we should already possess when we come to the table of partnership.
Fulfillment is not something you can get from people or relationships. It’s something you give yourself, and you get it by finding and fulfilling your purpose.
But whoa unto those who partner in relationships before you understand this truth because you will break all the relationship commandments.
Thou shall not suck the life out of your partner trying to get from them what you must give yourself
Thou shall not look to your partner to make you happy, but rather add to your happiness
Thou shall not enter into a relationship with a self-love deficit believing it will complete you (It will not! the Tom Cruise movie lied)
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Why You Must Be Intentional About Who You Partner with
It’s been said and I agree that the two most important days in our lives are the day we are born and the day we find out why. Figuring out why is hard enough, but what makes it extremely difficult is being in a relationship with the wrong person.
When you’re passionate about finding and fulfilling your purpose, you need support and encouragement! You need someone to tell you to keep going when you feel like giving up. You need someone to believe in you when you doubt yourself — because doubt is par for the course when you’re pursuing purpose.
It’s hard out here in these purpose streets!
Don’t be fooled! Pursuing purpose is not easy. It is a journey that requires a lifetime of personal investment! This is why going on this journey with the wrong person is a setup — and in the long run, it will be one of your greatest regrets because there is no partner, relationship, or love out here that will allow you to experience the fulfillment and satisfaction you get from purpose!
This is especially true if you hook up with a partner who is insecure, narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, or abusive in any way — physically, emotionally, mentally, or verbally. A partner with these issues will distract, delay, and cause you to detour from your purpose path. You will find yourself drained and depleted with little energy to give your purpose because you’ll spend all your time and energy trying to keep the relationship afloat!
Wrong relationships are more work than healthy relationships! And what’s worse is it keeps you from realizing your purpose potential!
The Perfect Partner for the Purpose Focused
What you want to look for in a partner, if finding and fulfilling purpose is your goal, is someone who will root and cheer you on in pursuit of living your best life — a happy, full, abundant life — which is what finding and fulfilling your purpose will produce!
Photo by Julian Myles on Unsplash
You need a partner who will see your purpose as a part of your core identity. Your partner needs to be someone who will ride hard for your purpose! It needs to be someone who will get as much joy from seeing you fulfill your purpose — as you get fulfilling it!
You need to be in relationships with partners that want you to win in all the ways that winning matters! This is a partner who supports and encourages you during your lows, and who celebrates you during your highs — without feeling insecure about your brilliance!
You also need a partner who will hold you accountable to the promises you make yourself. This is a partner who will discourage you from wasting your purpose away, who will check to make sure you call the client, take the course, write the business plan, seek assistance, and do all the things needed to fulfill your purpose! A partner like this will not let you give up when things get tough — nor will they let you beat up on yourself when things go wrong!
And this is exactly the kind of partner you end up with when you are intentional about making sure there is some alignment between your love life and your purpose life. It’s a dangerous thing to put a person in the most intimate space in your life who isn’t aligned with your life’s goals.
As a preacher, I hear all the time that when it comes to relationships, we need to be equally yoked. But too often, equally yoked is equated to two people not sharing the same faith.
But hear me when I say, there are plenty of partners who share your faith who are ill-suited for you and your purpose journey. There is no shortage of partners with faith that are insecure, unsupportive, and abusive!
And if you’re lonely, I feel you!
Following the path of purpose can be a lonely journey, especially because we are hard-wired for intimacy. We crave intimacy!
But at what cost do we feed our cravings?
I personally believe that jeopardizing, sacrificing, or even delaying our purpose is too high a price to pay to have a warm body laying next to us.
Intimacy doesn’t have to come at the expense of your purpose. You can have both!
But both require you to be patient, knowing you’re worthy of what you desire most! It requires you to be self-loving enough to abandon any relationship that — low-key — requires you to abandon, abort, sabotage, or lay aside the most important reason you were created!
Evaluate Your Partner/Potential Partner
Do yourself a favor and evaluate your partner or potential partner to see if they are able and willing to support you on your journey to find and fulfill your purpose. Otherwise, you’re gambling with one of the most important reasons you are on this planet.
You can do this by asking yourself a few simple questions…..
- Is your partner/potential partner vested in you living your purpose — do they support, encourage, and push you towards your purpose?
- Do they hold you accountable to the promises you make yourself that pertain to your purpose?
- Do they try to discourage you from investing in your purpose by saying things like, “you spend too much money, time, energy, etc on your purpose?”
- Do they threaten to leave the relationship if you keep doing XYZ?
- Do they tell you to wait and pursue your purpose later because the timing is off for “y’all?”
These are just some of the questions you can ask yourself to get clarity about whether your partner or optional partner will push you towards your purpose or prevent you from reaching it.
Conclusion
If living a fulfilling life is what you desire, you must make finding and fulfilling your purpose your first love. You don’t have to pick between an intimate partner and your purpose. But if you ever find yourself in that position, change partners — keep your purpose!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
Wow, best relationship advice I’ve read in a long time, if ever. I so agree and have expressed some of the same thoughts to my children when they were adolescents and young adults. I think this article is great advice for the young and not so young alike. Thank you for writing it and writing it so well.