Why You Should Create More Secrets With Your Partner

“Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret.” -Aphra Behn

How do we maintain secret relationships with the loves we live with and see every day? How do we maintain the ecstasy and pleasure of those days when our love was still a secret to be discovered by the both of us?

It’s not enough to say it takes work. What it takes is active restructuring of a brain recovering by a love and lust stage “driven by the neurotransmitter phenyl ethylamine (PEA) which, combined with dopamine and norepinephrine, creates pleasingly positive feelings between people.”

Especially for those of us that are adrenaline-seekers. We need that rush that had us addicted to love in the first place. The 30 second halt to all logical functions in our brains that precedes the jumpstart jolt of energy to our hearts is…downright addicting…isn’t it?

Each flirting glance at a co-worker, yes even for just a few millisecond…

Each enticing text exchange…

Each fantasy that strolls through your mind, no matter how furtive…

Each innocent touch that lingers for just a few extra seconds…

The sum of each of these minute moments might seem problematic especially since you can’t possibly share them all with your partner, but it’s actually quite human. You’re seeking pleasure. You’re creating tiny moments. Tiny secrets. Small rushes of dopamine to keep you going.

The problem is when the sum of those pleasure-seeking moments involve your partner less often.

My advice? Create secrets with your partner. Tiny and large secrets that reroute the pleasure signals in your brain back towards your loved one and regenerate the pleasure in your relationship.
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This story has been republished to Medium.

Photo: iStock