Why You Shouldn’t Look at Other People’s Relationships for Reference

No, really. You should stop doing that because other people’s relationships aren’t as good or bad as you make them up to be. We are all different, and the only way you can truly understand your relationship with your partner is if you look at it from an objective point of view, without comparing it to other people’s relationships.

Relationships are hard. It’s a lack of commitment, the ability to be honest, or a complete inability to compromise on certain issues that can become the death knell of a relationship. It’s no wonder why people are so quick to judge others who aren’t living their life like they want yours to be or vice versa.

The problem with this is that we create our own circumstances for our own reasons and by doing so, we either hinder ourselves from livi ng our best life or we make others feel bad about themselves when they don’t fit our lifestyle. Don’t look at other people’s relationships as some sort of holy grail; instead go out there and find the love you deserve.

We’ve all done it. You see a situation where things aren’t going so well, and you feel pain for the person or people involved. You receive an email or text message from a friend of yours who is having troubles in their relationship, or another friend of yours is struggling with long-term addiction, etc. How often do we look at other people’s relationships with jealousy? How often do we compare ourselves negatively to others who seem fulfillment while we wallow in darkness? Here’s the deal though…

Most people make up stories about other people’s relationships and have unrealistic expectations about what a relationship should be like. This creates unrealistic expectations for yourself and can lead you to feel discouraged and unfulfilled in your own relationships.

One of the most common things people do in their relationship and marriages is base their worth on other people’s relationships or marriages. They’ll list all the good things that they’ve heard about someone else’s relationship and what they’ve seen, just to justify their own lack of relationship with each other.

People who are in a relationship often look at other people’s relationships with jealousy, comparing their own relationship to those of others. They don’t realize that what is right for one person might not be right for them and vice versa.

You shouldn’t look at other people’s relationships for reference. They are not a clear indication of how yours should be. You see somebody in love and think, “That is such an awesome relationship,” but really it probably ended for a few reasons that have nothing to do with you or them. If we see someone happy and in love, then that’s probably happier as we always hope to be in our personal relationships, right? But it doesn’t mean their relationship is any good or bad because they like each other. They just happen to be in the same state; you don’t need to owe anything extra by liking another person’s relationship because they are happy together (unless they tell you they want you to feel this way, but I doubt it).

Even if you have a great friend, your relationship won’t look like theirs. This holds true for romantic relationships too. Other people’s relationships aren’t as good or bad as you make them up to be. Piloting your own boat (both one at sea and the relationship on land) is not only fun but also a lot of fun.

Other people’s relationships don’t reflect how good or bad your relationship is. Their relationships look great because it seems like everyone gets along, but you’re already seeing something that isn’t there.

We see the good and the bad of other people’s relationships on social media and it doesn’t reflect reality. You’re making up your own reasons for why that person isn’t able to do something or why they have issues dating someone else. As time goes on, we get used to seeing certain things in the social media world and when those things don’t happen, it can be hard to believe.

Everyone has been in a relationship at some point. You might feel like you know what it takes to be happy in a relationship. But the truth is that you don’t. It’s easy to just look at other people’s relationships and think, “If she was unhappy why didn’t she just leave?” A lot of time when we are in a relationship there are things going wrong and we can’t see them or feel how they are affecting us until it is way too late.

The Internet is a fantastic place, and you can find pretty much anything on the Internet. But, sometimes the bad things you read about people and their relationships can turn into a negative self-image for us. What should be an amazing experience with your partner/s can quickly become a disaster when we perceive that everyone else’s relationship is just as toxic and dysfunctional as ours.

Information about other peoples’ relationships gets passed around from one person to another. People aren’t entirely sure what to make of this information, but end up assessing their own relationships based on the experiences of other people. But you’ll notice that everyone’s relationships are different, so why should you care what other people have been through?

I was scrolling through my news feed and I saw a post where someone had commented on how much they wanted their significant other to be happy. They said that instead of relying on them, they wanted their partner to make the choices that led to their happiness. Their comment reminded me of something incredibly important: reviewing people’s relationships can be deceiving.

Relationships are hard. No matter who you are, the idea that someone could break up with you or cheat on you with another person is daunting. We’re afraid to fall in love with someone, because it means admitting that they can destroy our hearts just as quickly as they saved them. But I’ve come to learn over time that every person’s journey to finding love is different. Everyone experiences things differently, so thinking about others around you and their personal lives isn’t always the best option to use when looking for your own happiness.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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