What if your wife is secretly craving a monster within you she hasn’t seen in a long, long time?
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The Knot in Your Stomach
This may be hard to read. Hell, it was hard to write.
This is the cold, hard truth about how many husbands suddenly find themselves on the receiving end of “I just don’t feel connected anymore”. It’s a heart stabbing moment that’s best avoided, if possible.
She says he’s a real jerk but always seems to get invited to his parties.
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I hope I’m not too late for you. The odds are that I might be because men tend to not notice this stuff until she’s reached the point of no return. The “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore” point.
And I’ll be the first to say “It’s not fair, dammit!” It’s not. But life ain’t fair, brother.
I know you’ve worked your butt off and provided for your family the best way you could. You’re not perfect, but you’ve given it all you’ve got. You’ve been the best man you could be for everyone around you. Your mother-in-law thinks you’re a prince. And your friends love that you help them move stuff and lend them your tools whenever they ask. You love your kids more than life itself.
And now this. It feels like you’re just not good enough anymore.
She’s checking out the neighbor dude. She laughs at him and calls him stupid but always seems to be talking about him. He’s divorced, cocky, and has a lot of parties and random women leaving his house in the mornings.
She says he’s a real jerk but always seems to get invited to his parties.
Do I have that knot in your gut tight enough yet? Thought so. I’ve had that knot before too.
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What I Know About Your Wife
I know absolutely nothing about your wife.
But I know about you. And I’ve heard this story so many times I’ve got good data. And my data says that you’re probably thinking about all the wrong things.
And if you’re honest – really honest – you’re just a little jealous of the neighbor dude.
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You would like to know why she’s doing this, and what you’ve done wrong, and how can you fix it.
You’re pissed that your hard work and loyalty isn’t appreciated the way you expected.
You’re wondering how you can attract her again and save your marriage.
And if you’re honest – really honest – you’re just a little jealous of the neighbor dude.
You were him at one time or you’ve always wanted to be. You’re wondering how you wound up in this insecure, fearful, needy place in your life.
You think it’s too late to feel that kind of freedom again. You’ll never again have that confidence and cockiness around women. There’s no way a 45 year old man can find his mojo again and his sense of pride because, after all, you’re just a husband and a dad who works for a living.
Bullshit.
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The Things You Should Really Be Worrying About
You’ve been worrying about things that are 100% out of your control.
This will make you crazy with frustration and despair. It’s like beating your head against a wall.
You need to stop worrying about what your wife is or isn’t doing and stop focusing on “saving your marriage”. There are more important things to worry about – things directly in your control.
The data I have says there is a monster of a man inside you dying to do more and be more.
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And these are the only things that may make a difference in your marriage.
It’s time to start thinking and acting like that happily divorced guy in your marriage! It’s what you want anyway and is apparently what she wants too.
This means turning your attention to yourself for a change. Be more selfish with your time and attention.
What have you been dreaming of doing with your life that’s only been squashed by excuses?
How have you been playing small and accomplishing only a fraction of what you’re capable? You’re a brilliant, way above average, industrious man.
What have you been doing for fun and adventure? What have you been doing with your body and your health?
What have you been secretly yearning to do and then convincing yourself you can’t or aren’t quite ready?
The data I have says there is a monster of a man inside you dying to do more and be more.
More fun. More adventure. More wealth. More love. More Sex.
More of everything.
That guy is an amazing, irresistible man.
The neighbor dude quietly envies the monster within you.
And your wife quietly aches for the monster to emerge.
Screw the marriage for now. You have no control over that.
Bring on the monster.
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I specialize in letting monsters out of their cages. Most monsters don’t know they have the key and only need a nudge to figure it out. I wrote this free ebook for the monster within you. The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage. Download it and take it to a quiet place and read it to him. Be careful.
Photo Rodney Troy/Flickr
Do we know each other, Steve? I’m thinking so, because I’m that guy, or was. My first wife’s cheating blew me away. I had no idea. I can validate everything you’ve said here because I did it all…and now I talk to guys that are doing it, trying to get that light bulb to light up. My second wife and I each had one demand. Hers was that I see no other women while seeing her so that our relationship had a fair chance. Mine was that she not ever try to change me from the man I am…so that… Read more »
Thanks, Jared. I agree, women naturally notice, admire and are attracted to men other than their husbands and vice-versa. No need for judgment or concern there. Normal stuff in normal relationships. I’m talking to the husband whose wife is “unnaturally” distant, disconnected and not attracted in an unhealthy relationship. One leading factor in this is the husband who has been relying on HER as his leading source and indicator of his well being, happiness, and sense of purpose. He has been doing it for years and has no other measures or means of feeling connected, engaged and fulfilled in life.… Read more »
Steve, This is a great piece. I would like to challenge you a bit on the idea that a wife being attracted to another man is the result of some sort of short coming of the husband. This is a great piece on how paying attention to (and taking care of) yourself will help you in romantic relationships, but letting the monster out wont make the neighbor go away. Instead, the wife will now have two monsters she’ll admire. But careful men, not to judge your wife for this. We’ve all been to the beach, and we know what it’s… Read more »