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I am all for equality. However, I no longer consider myself a feminist. I realize many people will find faults with those statements and some will “troll” me for their unknown gain. But, feminism has changed and not for the better. The reasons for me to make that decision are based on three general concerns: the rise of “man-hating,” lack of feminist voice or actions on “male issues” (and yes, men have issues, too), and the “female as victim” undertone to some feminist literature.
Please allow me to explain before I get all the hate mail. And I’m just a guy. Not an MRA, not saddled with “toxic masculinity,” I vote Democrat, and I voted for Her. I’m just a daddy to twin boys and a husband.
“One thing that has surprised me in all the literature I’ve read is that there is a growing number of people, yes male and female, who are taking offense to the vocal few of feminism giving it its bad name.” Jessica Crispin, author “Why I Am Not a Feminist.”
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Feminism was all about equality in every way between the sexes, i.e., work, home, family, life. When it gained its audience in the sixties, its second wave, it was a brave concept. Women were talking and writing about ways they had been betrayed and discriminated against by society. Betty Friedan. Germaine Greer. Gloria Steinem. I was very young at the time, but I later grew to respect and admire them. Leaders. Heroes all.
The first wave evolved in the 1800’s from the abolitionist and temperance movements, and it reached its height in the early 20th century gaining women the right to vote with the 19th Amendment to the Constitution.
A depression and a second world war later, women confronted society with their issues in the second wave of Feminism.
The Third Wave arose in the 20th century with women pushing for an expansion of their conceived boundaries across all aspects of society, including politics, work, pay, lifestyle, etc.
It is in the Third Wave that some extreme feminists have also arisen. They have mobilized by the explosion in social media. Their viewpoint is that men, who have dominated and controlled them in their “patriarchy”, should not be allowed to voice an opinion other than pro-Feminist. In short, the phrase “man-hating feminist” took root. We can only hope that it is the vocal few who are getting all the headlines and not the silent majority of equality-minded feminists.
In her article on Huffington Post, Octavia Sheepshanks says, “I realized that man-hating feminism was all too real… If we isolate roughly half of the population from the movement, what can we hope to achieve… Feminism has a severe image problem…” Here is the complete article.
Just breaking, when William Shatner (yes, that one) commented that “feminists are great… but the term “toxic masculinity” is degrading… and borders on misandry.” He was barraged with insults on Twitter and in various publications such as Mary Sue. His rebuttal, “The original feminist movement was about equality. Somewhere along the line a few decided differently. They are the exceptions.”
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So, do toxic masculinity and/or toxic feminism actually exist? I suppose it depends on who you ask. It seems everybody has a different answer. Well, if discrimination and abuse on women exists (and it does), does it exist for men, too? Of course. But, some feminists, including men, do not (or cannot?) recognize that feminism, if it is truly about equality, works both ways.
College campuses have become a battleground for feminists. Some colleges have even started programs to address toxic masculinity. Ironically, some of these programs have been instituted by the Women’s Centers at the colleges.
Yet, if the reverse happened with programs addressing toxic femininity by college men were to happen, the rebuttal from feminists would be just short of a nuclear explosion. Double standard? Reverse discrimination?
Are all men that bad? Do we all need to hang our heads in shame for the injustices done to women since the beginning of time? No. It is not all of us.
Some feminists proclaim very loudly about all the issues women face today, but somehow they also neglect all the choices that are available to women today. It is not my fault if a woman chooses to give up her job or career to stay home and make babies. Some feminists, however, are very vocal in their opposition to that choice. Maybe some feminists need to appreciate other women’s choices which are valid and healthy and different from their own.
In her article in The Elephant Journal, Francesca Biller offers a unique concept in perceiving men. She says, “Men by and large are no worse or better than women for the ware… Give men a fair shot, if only for your own sake and happiness.”
Perhaps, men are not the “boogeymen” some feminists proclaim they are. Are men responsible for all the issues and discriminations faced by women? Maybe the better question is: have not women been a willing participant in society at all? And are men really just barbaric oppressors looking to enslave and take advantage of women? Really? What about their daddy? Or brother? Or son? Or husband? Are they oppressors, too?
You rarely hear about men’s’ issues in the media. Women earn over 60% of all bachelor degrees awarded in the US. 93% of all workplace fatalities in the US are men. Men are 4x as likely to die from suicide as women. Men are more likely to be the perpetrators and victims of violent crimes and more likely to be incarcerated.
These stats are all over the internet, but not are not repeated in the mainstream media because they don’t sell as well.
In a recent tweet, a man said:
“I haven’t seen a woman treat a man voicing his problems with compassion in a very long time.”
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“Perhaps mocking and berating men is not the way to show that the feminist revolution is about equality and that they have a stake in the new game. The message that feminism can help men, too — by placing equal value on their role as parents or by encouraging better mental health care and reducing male suicide.” Cathy Young, a journalist for Reason, Newsday, Time, etc.
Lastly, what we all do hear and read constantly are the percentage ways women are underprivileged or underrepresented or assaulted or are just underwhelmed in US society.
But, are all these percent’s true? No. Absolutely not. But, why do we continue to hear all of these stats which I’m sure you’re repeating in your head this very minute?
Because they present the female as a victim and thus in need of help or rescue. These repeated stats also sell, and everyone is afraid of the vocal feminists who would start the ugly process of shaming and name-calling until they changed their tune.
Even intuitively it doesn’t make sense that women make 77% of what men make. If that were true, no hiring manager in the world would hire a man when he could pay the woman less. The American Association of University Women (AAUW) found that women in aggregate earn less than 10% of men. Quite a big difference. Have you heard that before?
Feminists, politicians and the media repeat all of the statistics because it gets them attention or money or votes and no one wants to be labeled either a “woman-hater” or “anti-feminist” or misogynist. Labels like that would be hard to shake, and for someone in the public eye, it would mean that whatever gravy train they’re riding, would dry up.
The bottom line for me is that feminism is, to paraphrase a quote, not your mother’s feminism. The equality and inclusion which feminism advocates gets challenged, disputed and then refuted by some toxic feminists which ultimately disrupts my allegiance to their cause.
In a 2016 poll conducted by the Washington Post: 40% of women and 52% of men say that the feminist movement unfairly blames men for women’s challenges. 44% of women believe that it is women’s choices which are the bigger factor keeping them from achieving equality with men, and, 30% of women and 50% of men do not call themselves a feminist.
Emma Watson, if you’re reading this, let’s talk.
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Photo: Getty Images
Perhaps the most interesting thing about this article is the palpable fear of being dismissed as misogynist or right wing for, well, little more than taking the stated purpose of feminism a bit further than normal. He thinks little of intimating that mrm is misguided extremism of which he wants no part. And I get it, I am an mra, and although I work very hard to make sure I never make value judgments and only point to well established data from neutral or feminist sources, I get accused, with no evidence, of things so far removed from the truth… Read more »
Thanks, Anders. I think you get what I was trying to do, i.e., explain my views, honestly and based on necessary research, without unnecessary judgments getting in the way. Thanks for your work, too. The courage you need to do that, I’m not so sure I could muster.
Well said Jeff. I’m also someone that has been a feminist for decades but not any more and for the very reasons you mention.
Thanks, Ronnie.
Being a feminist in order to address men’s issues is like being a republican in order to raise taxes.
One of the best posts on this site. Straight from the heart. Hopefully, the editors won’t cowtow to any feminazis who troll this site and take this article down.
I agree, you should show you’re not cowtowing to feminazis by taking this article down.
Emma Watson is not reading this. Tell me more about college campuses, Jeff who worked for corporate America for many years. You can tell me all about your new clothes but it’s easy to see in fact you have none. I am a man and I am a feminist.
Thanks for the feedback, Stephen. I am open to differing points of view.
I praise your courage, Jeff.
I believe your post has a corrosive effect on real dialogue. There is institutional gender discrimination. Not enough is done to fix it. The common strategy you have adopted here is to ignore important facts like that by focusing on identity politics. Women’s right’s are under attack both directly as well as indirectly like you’ve done here. You pass judgement on conversations that happen on college campuses, but this is only hearsay for you. Change the conversation, actually reach out and talk to women about their experience. Not just the women you know but different kinds of people of all… Read more »
Thank you for your thoughts, Stephen. Did you read the entire article? How about the first statement that says I am all for equality? How about that I am a Democrat? I disagree with you, but I do believe you have a right to your views and opinions, like everyone. No, I don’t believe “women’s rights are under attack”. Women, especially in Western Society, have more freedom and choices and opportunities than they ever have. I believe that some bad women (and men, too) have corroded the doctrine of equality for feminism. I believe that some women (and men, too)… Read more »
The common strategy you have adopted here is to ignore important facts like that by focusing on identity politics. Women’s right’s are under attack both directly as well as indirectly like you’ve done here. Please the exact portion of this article that attacks women’s rights. I don’t expect I could change anyone’s mind. I assume your claim to be “open to differing views” is disingenuous based on what else I know about you so far. Well at least you admit you’re assuming. Conservatives default so quickly to being misleading. It is a shame. What has he said that is misleading?… Read more »
Well done. It’s not easy to take a stand against the consensus of the blind masses.
‘Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.’
Oscar Wilde
Thanks, Perry.
You know Oscar Wilde was a fabulous flamboyant homosexual, right?
“Women have a much better time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden to them.” – Oscar Wilde
I’m bisexual, I had a gender studies course, and I call myself “egalitarian, anti-feminist”.
Feminism is about sex segregation (example: women-only shelters rejecting men who are victims of domestic violence, and often even transwomen) and faking victimhood to keep old privileges.
Thanks for all your responses, Manu. I respect your courage too. I am not “anti-feminist”, I am all for equality.
I’m not “anti-feminist”, that would be misleading, I’m “egalitarian, anti-feminist”.
It’s like saying that I’m “pro-welfare, anti-Marine Le Pen”: Marine Le Pen is pro-welfare too (but just only for native French) but she’s fascist, while I’m pro-welfare and also against every kind of fascism.
We don’t live in the times of Oscar Wilde, it’s not 1880 anymore.
Thank you Jeff! Well said.
Thanks, Rick!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for bringing a much needed breath of fresh air to this conversation where a male voice that doesn’t tow the line is all to often stifled. A few points to add. College campuses have become a battleground for feminists. Some colleges have even started programs to address toxic masculinity. Ironically, some of these programs have been instituted by the Women’s Centers at the colleges. Not only this but notice who the frequent opponents are to men trying to start up their own programs on college campuses for themselves. Its usually college feminists… Read more »
Thanks, Danny. You realized the entire reason I wrote the article, and to which GMP graciously published it, is the need for, at least, the conversation about equality.
Impressive post! The tide is turning against feminism.
Thanks, Andrew. As long as the tide turns toward equality…
I’m actually reading this with my mouth open, amazed to see it has gotten published on this particular site. So, my hat’s off to you, Jeff Jackson for writing it. And my hat’s also off to you, Lisa Hickey for approving it for publication. As I have said here more than once, we have a classic case of memes moving through our brains in the form of thesis, antithesis, and then (finally) synthesis. Thesis: feminism Anti-theisis: men’s rights activism Synthesis: egalitarianism Like Jeff here, I started out as a feminist way back when. But at some point I just keep… Read more »
Thanks, Joe.
Excellent comment! I agree that egalitarianism is the best approach as it covers all cases and includes everybody at the expense of nobody. It also, at least so far, has not been horribly tribalized, branded, and politicized in the way that feminism and men’s rights activism have.
Like you, I’ve also found that suggesting egalitarianism as a more inclusive alternative to feminists hasn’t won me any new friends or allies, but that hasn’t swayed me from my conclusion that it’s superior to the other two polar opposite approaches.
Thanks, Rick. Good perspective.
Honestly I think a big part of the problem is that ideas and thoughts get dumped for labels and next thing you know instead of talking about different ideas and try to get as many people on the same page as possible its just a battle royal to consolidate control of the entire landscape under a single label.
Well said.