William B. Irvine: We’re Unhappy Because We’re Insatiable

What could drive us to such despair? Why can’t we get enough of anything? Knowledge, money, technology, media, alcohol, sex, video games etc.: nothing is beyond reach, yet everything is still beyond our reach.

The answer lies in the nature of humans. It is not hunger that drives us; rather, our dissatisfaction comes from an innate sense of longing for something more satisfying than what we have.

We have insatiable cravings because we are insatiable from birth. Our brains are hard-wired to seek out new sources of stimulation. This is called the “craving” instinct. We crave novelty, variety and stimulation — whether it’s a new food, house, car, clothing or a new relationship.

William B. Irvine explains in his book, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy: “We humans are unhappy in large part because we are insatiable; after working hard to get what we want, we routinely lose interest in the object of our desire. Rather than feeling satisfied, we feel a bit bored, and in response to this boredom, we go on to form new, even grander desires.”

Irvine theorises that our insatiable appetite leads to all of our dissatisfactions in life. In other words, by trying so hard to keep upping the ante on everything in our lives, we actually prevent ourselves from being content.

Our insatiable nature makes us the ideal consumers — we’re constantly looking for new things to fill our needs, and when we find something that works, we want more of it. And while some of these needs may be well-founded (food, water), many are not (luxurious life that only makes life complicated).

So while we may be happy at first, it doesn’t last long — the happier we are, the more likely it is that we’ll be dissatisfied down the line.

And once we realise how unsatisfying our newfound pursuit is, we begin to look for another one that will give us what we need.

This is why so many people are so unhappy today — they’re looking for something that doesn’t exist.

A happiness crisis

“Indeed there has never been any explanation of the ebb and flow in our veins — of happiness and unhappiness.” ― Virginia Woolf

An insatiable appetite for more, faster, newer and now has been driving us for many centuries. In our digital world, where information travels at the speed of light — with almost endless access to products, services and experiences — our expectations have been forever heightened.

With an abundance of affordable luxuries competing for our attention and a never-ending stream of novelties coming from all directions, it’s no wonder we feel unsatisfied. The problem isn’t that we aren’t happy enough; we’re not unhappy enough.

In his book, A Hunger Artist, the absurdist writer Franz Kafka wonders whether we’ll ever be satiated. Is man doomed to eternal hunger? It seems that we are perpetually longing for more, he observed.

In an age of excess and indulgence, we might rather ask ourselves what is making us so unhappy. People are unhappy because they’re insatiable. We want more, more, and more. The never-ending pursuit of wealth, status, and fame create an epidemic of loneliness and depression.

We have “selfie-disorders” because we’re so focused on ourselves that we have no time or attention for anyone else. We have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because we’re so caught up in the moment that we miss the bigger picture.

We want to feel valued and important. We want to be seen as interesting, fascinating, and happy! And so we compulsively seek out new experiences and people to feel valued and important.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t always pan out. Sometimes we end up feeling worse than before, as our insatiable search for stimulation leads us into unsafe or unsustainable situations.

Are we doomed to be miserable for the rest of our lives? How can we satisfy this craving for stimulation without feeling unsatisfied?

The truth is that we all have these cravings in one form or another at some time in our lives (and sometimes again later).

The key is to learn how to recognise them and respond appropriately — to stop chasing what you can’t have and start investing in what you can enjoy in more sustainable ways.

Invest in experiences instead of things. Design your life around meaningful experiences — quality time with family and loved ones or a hobby you’re passionate about. Viktor Frankl says we can find and live meaningful lives in three different ways:

1. By creating a work or doing a deed.
2. By experiencing something or encountering someone.
3. By the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.

This approach to life will help you feel fulfilled and keep your brain happy, as long as you can tame your desire for everything you don’t have. When you’re unhappy, reflect on what you have, how far you’ve come and everything happening for you in life.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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