Working Through Physical and Mental Demons on the Indoor Rock Climbing Wall

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I was 44 when I decided to try indoor rock climbing. It wasn’t just that I love new activities, it’s that it’s on my Bucket List. Certainly, death isn’t whispering in my ear yet. She’s just handed me the pen for my list, and when Death hands you the pen, you take it and use it. That’s what happens when friends of a similar age die for surprising reasons. My friend was 47. Death didn’t just hand him a pen. She took him for The Ride and gave me a wink. I knew it was time to cross off an item.

Little did I know it would be a great equalizer between me and my husband as well as me and other male friends. Rock climbing is one of those sports where you can have two people of vastly different ability levels partaking at the same time. As long as you know how to safely belay (and are belay-certified), it’s a go for top rope climbing. (Lead climbing is a different story.)

Closing the Gender Divide

One thing I love about climbing is how the gender divide is closing. In “No Man’s Land: The Rise of Women in Climbing,” Noël Phillips tells how there are women now dominating the climbing world not only as female climbers, “but as top climbers—of either gender.” It is true that men typically have about twice as much upper body strength as women, but “[w]omen’s lower body strength tends to be more closely matched to men’s.” In climbing, this is especially of interest because while you need a lot of upper body strength, it’s not the only thing. You also need “the pulling muscles of your upper body, and occasionally the pushing muscles, too, in conjunction with your core and, to a lesser degree, your legs” as well as flexibility. Women are often more flexible than men, which is part of leveling the playing field.

When I first began, I did make typical beginner mistakes. My fingers and forearms were incredibly sore even though I pride myself on being in great shape by doing regular pilates, high-intensity interval training, and speed walking. In spite of that, I’ve kept going. The exhilaration I feel when I finish a tough route is unparalleled.

Rock Climbing as Personal Development

I’ve also found rock climbing to be its own personal development course. I’ve had to face times when I’ve given up before I’ve truly been out of juice. One male partner cheered me on and told me to literally go until I fell off the wall. I had more strength than I thought I did and continued after I felt like giving up. Since then, I’ve pushed myself harder than before.

Another male climbing partner has begun to unravel his attitudes towards giving up when the the route is tough. I remember one day when I was having a helluva time on a certain route. I refused to give up. I literally went to muscular failure and then succeeded in finishing. When I came down off the wall, my friend turned to me and said, “You don’t give up, do you?” It’s true. I don’t. Since then, I’ve seen my friend go beyond what he thought was possible which has also seeped into his attitudes in life. He is less apt to give up and more apt to push forward a bit more. He is more willing to encounter disappointment rather than preemptively give up.

Furthermore, I see men and women cheering each other on when they manage to get past the crux of a route. My climbing partner’s challenges become my successes. It doesn’t matter if I’m climbing a 10b, and he’s doing 11d’s. We’re both in it together.

Working Through Toxic Masculinity

I also find rock climbing to be a great way of working through toxic masculinity. I’ve noticed when I conquer a tough climb, and my male partner doesn’t, he feels like it’s an affront to his masculinity. He tells me his internal dialogue says a woman physically bested him. On the one hand, it’s pure fiction, but on the other hand, it’s very real to my partner, so I do my best to sit with him in these places. There are physiological reasons I made it to the top. (I’m in better shape and climb more.) There are mental reasons I’ve made it to the top. (Each route is a psychological puzzle to be figured out. Sometimes I can wrap my brain around it in a way he hasn’t.) Sometimes, he’s gone before me and given me enough beta that I can now figure it out.

On top of that, I’m not up for doing his emotional labor. This is a great practice for me. I don’t carry what he calls his “fragile masculine ego,” I am gentle with his feelings, and we sometimes laugh together at how masculinity is constructed in this culture. We examine societal ideas of the masculine and what it means to be successful. We examine personal history to see what failure means and when it has happened. Then, we redefine success. Sometimes that means trying a route that’s way above his current level. Sometimes it’s getting one move farther than the last time.

Mental Exertion on the Wall

I have honestly been surprised to find how much mental exertion takes place during climbing. This, too, is a part of the great equalizing. Climbing isn’t just about hoisting my carcass up the wall. It’s about considering hand and foot movements, redistributing weight, strategizing about getting to a handhold or where to take a rest, knowing the moments to go for a dynamic move and trusting the rope will hold if I fall off the wall. This happens with any gender and is a delight to share. By the end of two hours, my body and brain are exhausted.

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There are other sports which certainly be shared with any gender, but this is one of the few I know where being different levels is totally acceptable. You can compete against others, or you can simply compete against yourself. At the end of the day, there are no points counted. I’m not looking for a gold trophy and neither are my partners. We’ve had a shared experience of working through our physical and mental demons together, and that makes all of the pain and strain worth it.

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