You Deserve to Be Happy

When I started to really focus on a healing journey, to really learn more about personal growth and focus on self-discovery, I never knew what that would actually entail. It was a whirlwind of lessons, reflections, change, and my, oh my, lots of growth. I guess that’s the pinnacle of our evolution. We go through so much change and growth, and it’s like every chapter brings out a new version of us we didn’t even know could exist. I think about how much I’ve changed in the last year alone. I mean our frontal lobes don’t even finish developing in our mid-20s! I’ve still got more frontal lobe development to do to even become a fully functioning adult.

Our early 20s is one of those times when each year is like a decade of growth and change. The pandemic didn’t make that any different for my generation.

But one point of change I did not think too much about is what happens when you start to actually just feel better about yourself. When I know how to self-soothe, how to heal and address my triggers, how to push myself outside my comfort zone, and how to assert my needs and boundaries. What happens when you feel happy? When you actually start to like yourself?

Maybe we all feel that way at certain parts of our life…when life is somehow so enjoyable. When I went on a rollercoaster with friends again after COVID isolation, when I walked to the lake and watched the sunset, when I did a dance-battle against myself in my room. I would sometimes stop in the middle of that moment and think…Wait dang, I am really happy. And then I would sometimes feel guilty. I would think what else is there to do, should I be working on tasks? Should I make myself sad so that I don’t enjoy the moment too much? I was uncomfortable with sitting in happiness for too long. I didn’t want to get disappointed.

And as I reflect, I realized I had to learn I deserve to be happy. I am worthy of being happy. And happiness is a feeling I can stay in.

Have you ever seen people who are miserable and want to stay miserable? They complain, they self-loathe, and engage in so much self-pity. Maybe you have a friend like that, who actually seems to enjoy pain. Who wallows in the sadness. I think for a long time I was that friend. The one who allowed and encouraged themselves to stay sad. We embrace sadness, we embrace feeling pain. And don’t get me wrong, sadness, heartbreak, and pain all can lead to some beautiful things. I love a good sad song (Adele’s music and I are tight!).

But I’ve never questioned being sad as much as I’ve questioned being happy. Sadness felt like I deserved it, it felt more real. But happiness felt like something was wrong. I felt more comfortable being sad than happy. And when I started healing, it was the first time my mind shifted.

How? I realized I need to teach myself to realize I deserve to feel happy. I am allowed to enjoy life. When I’m-out-of-mind-happy, when I’m feeling love and connection, when I’m in a good mood, I let it sit. I sit in the resistance I might feel and reassure myself this is what I also deserve. I am allowed to enjoy life. Happiness is safe, happiness is real, and happiness is nice too. I am allowed to feel happy for hours, for days, heck for weeks if it wants. I deserve to be happy. And I am letting myself feel happier and happier each day.

I mean I like it! By letting ourselves be a light, we can also shine our light onto others. Think of it as passing on joy to others.

So, how can you make yourself happy today? I’m thinking of a massage.

❤,

—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

—

Photo credit: iStock.com